THERE is something almost amusing about the violent agitation in Canada
and England against the publications of a well-known American. The
Britishers are working up a boycott against these periodicals, declaring
their pages contain many bitter insults to old John Bull.
Those acquainted with the tribe of England soon recognize their proud
and haughty demeanor. Blood and lineage cut deep into their flesh and
cranium. I often wonder if the English realize a possibility for pride
in the American people. From my observation through a wide exchange of
British publications, I have noted 10 insulting stories regarding the
Americans to every one story contained in our newspapers and magazines
of a nature detrimental or slurring to British cousins.
Permit me for a moment to regale you with a few old stories gleaned from
the English:
=Story No. 1.=—A teacher asked one of the class to tell her what the
British flag stood for. “Truth, honor and justice,” replied the
child. “Right,” said the teacher. “Now Willie, can you tell me what
the French flag stands for?” “Liberty, fraternity and equality,”
piped Willie. “Good,” commented the teacher. “Reggie, you tell me
what the American flag stands for.” “I don’t know what it stands for
now,” replied the knowing youth, “but it stood for a devil of a lot
during the first two years of the war.”
=Story No. 2.=—One of the first American soldiers arriving in
England went into a public house and ordered a glass of beer. He was
not used to the non-sparkling English beer and casually remarked to
the barmaid: “Isn’t this beer a little stale.” “No wonder it’s
stale,” rejoined the lady, “it has been waiting for you three
years.”
=Story No. 3.=—“Why are American Tommies called ‘Doughboys’,” asked
a kind lady of an English soldier. “Well,” theorized the English
soldier, “I suppose it is because they were kneaded in 1914 and did
not rise until 1917.”
=Story No. 4.=—A prize was offered at a children’s entertainment for
the lad who could tell the biggest lie. “I went up in an aeroplane
so high that I could hear the angels sing,” said the first child. “I
went down in a submarine so far that the water was boiling,” said
the second. “The Americans won the war,” said the third, and carried
off the prize.
=Story No. 5.=—An American soldier met a British soldier in New
York. “What mob did you go over with?” asked the Britisher. “The
Rainbow Division,” responded the American. “Never heard of it,”
laconically remarked the Britisher. “What,” ejaculated the American;
“never heard of the Rainbow Division, the famous Rainbow Division.”
“Ah, let me think,” pondered the other; “let me think; ah, yes, bah
jove, that’s the one that came out after the storm was all over.”
The Englishmen admit their insulting stories about the Americans, but
defend the practice by declaring the stories to be of a friendly
character. On the other hand they declare the American insults to be
bitter. Our “friendly insults” appear to be “a horse of another color.”
What chance is there for permanent peace?
* * * * *
=The Soapy Wiggle Shimmy=