“How do you wash your back when you bathe?” queried one fair maiden of
her companion on a streetcar, as they rode to work one morning last
week. “I just can’t seem to get a satisfactory job on that part of me.”
“Why—wash my back?” came the instant and ready reply. “Why, that’s easy.
I just soap my back all over and then lie down in the tub and shimmy.”
* * * * *
He: “Are you free tonight, dearie?”
She: “No, I was last Friday but not tonight.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------
=_Limericks_=
There was a young lady of Tottenham,
Her manners—well, she had forgotten ’em.
At tea at the Vicar’s
She took off her knickers,
And said she was too jolly hot in ’em.
––––––––––
There was a young man in Drumheller;
An ornery sort of a feller.
He had cracks in his dome,
But folks flocked to his home,
On account of the crocks in his cellar.
––––––––––
There was a young man from Bordeaux
Who loved a young lady I kneaux;
She was charming and fair,
But she died in despair
For the chap from Bordeaux was too sleaux.
––––––––––
A maiden with stockings of lisle
Passed a man and she gave him a smile.
The lisle he could see
All the way to her knee,
And he followed her almost a misle.
––––––––––
A Cannibal King saw his Mrs.
Kissing a guard called Ulrs.
The wicked old king
Fricasseed the poor thing,
And Ulrs. now Mrs. her Krs.
––––––––––
A young man named Christopher Gunn
Once married a girl “just for fun,”
But soon a boy came
Now dad’s not the same
For the kid’s a young son of a Gunn!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
=_Classified Ads_=
=Some Lady=
(From South Side Star.)
Wanted—To buy buggy by lady that is double seated and has patent leather
top.
* * * * *
=Ballad of the Brand=
(From St. Peter News.)
Strayed or Stolen—Young heifer from farmer living east of town with XXXX
branded on hind leg.
* * * * *
=Where Do They Get It?=
(From the Lake County Times.)
For Sale or Trade—A big paying hotel and boarding house; 45 roomers,
always full.
* * * * *
=Competing With St. Peter=
(From the Clinton, Ia., Advertiser.)
Do you know W. L. Boyce? If not, you should, as he is the man that marks
the mistakes of the doctors. The Monument Man.
* * * * *
=Wealthy but Thrifty=
(From the Muskogee Phoenix.)
Beautiful farmer’s daughter with 425 acres of land, very wealthy, would
marry. Send stamp for a reply. Box ——, Tallahassee, Fla.
* * * * *
=Nature Faker=
(From the Leal Leader.)
For Sale—A cow will have calf soon, also some hogs.
* * * * *
=A Bully Job=
(From Minneapolis Journal.)
Girl for general housework; no laundry work; pleasant room, private
bath; $10 a week. Mrs. B. S. Bull, Ken. 1898, 1627 W. 26th street.
* * * * *
=Forecast: Continued Cool=
(From the Gary Tribune.)
Wanted—Lady to sleep nights for company. Would allow use of kitchen if
necessary. B-232
* * * * *
=Regular Leap Year Ad=
(From Vancouver Province.)
Middle-aged widow lady (girl six) wishes light duties, $10 monthly,
country preferred, with respectable, good living man having nice,
healthy home, piano.
* * * * *
=How About a Middle-Aged Widow?=
(From the Marion, Ind., Republican.)
To whom it may concern—Some men advertise for fine stock, but not the
case with me; I am looking for a wife. I am a lone man keeping house. I
work every day and do not have a chance to find a wife. Any lady wishing
to marry will please address me at Johnston City, Ill. Very
respectfully, W. C. South.
* * * * *
=The Gentle Osteopath=
(From the Osteopathic Physician.)
Wanted—An assistant. Must be good mixer. Lady of good appearance and one
with the goods would do. Address ——, care The O. P.
* * * * *
A concern advertises in The Chicago Tribune for an “office boy, 16 years
old, with large corporation.” Isn’t that asking a good deal of one so
young?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
=_Jest Jokes and Jingles_=
=Father Said So=
Tommy: “Do you go to bed very early, Mrs. Peck?”
Mrs. Peck: “Yes, Tommy, sometimes—when I feel tired.”
“You wouldn’t go so early if you were married to my father, would you?”
“Oh, Tommy, you funny boy! Why not?”
“’Cause my father told mother that if he were your husband he’d make you
sit up and take notice.”
* * * * *
=Cause for Joy=
Old King Cole
Was a merry old soul,
Don’t doubt it for a minute,
He called for his pipe
And he called for his bowl,
And that bowl had “something” in it.
* * * * *
=A Stag Party=
(From the Highland Park Press.)
Mr. and Mrs. George D. Stagg, of San Bernardino, Calif., are the proud
parents of a baby boy. Mr. Stagg is still in the military hospital.
* * * * *
=Listen To ’Em Rave=
A recent robbery disclosed the fact that large quantities of whiskey
have been sent to insane asylums for “medicinal” purposes.
Men wishing to take the examination for insanity will please leave their
names at the front office. The line forms to the right—don’t crowd.
* * * * *
“I’d like to get some soap,” she told the clerk.
“Would you care for toilet soap?” the salesman asked.
“No,” she replied. “I want it for my face.”
* * * * *
Adam was a wise guy,
So they say;
He shoved his rib against the fence
And Eve came to next day.
* * * * *
One of our Robbinsdale farmer boys who was active in the big blowout in
France was explaining the mysteries of a barb wire entanglement to a
sweet country miss. Using the pasture fence and county road ditch to
simulate trench conditions, our farmer-doughboy “went over the top” at
the zero hour, much to her delectation. She joined in the second attack,
but our friend said the entire battle effect was spoiled when her skirt
caught in the barbs, and she exclaimed in a very unmilitary manner:
“Move over, kiddo, until I blow my nose.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------
=_Lights Out, and Then_=