I had completely won my husband during the last three years of his
life; I had brought him round to laugh with me at his weaknesses, and
to take what I said pleasantly without being irritated. He no longer
allowed any one to calumniate and attack me in his presence; he had a
just confidence in me; he always took my part. But previously to that
I had suffered horribly. I was just about to become happy when our
Lord God took away my poor husband, and I saw disappear in one instant
the result of all the cares and pains I had taken for thirty years to
make myself happy. I am subject to attacks of the spleen, and when
anything agitates me my left side swells up as big as a child's head.
I do not like to stay in bed; as soon as I wake I want to be up.
Three or four years before Monsieur's death I had, to please him,
been reconciled with the Chevalier de Lorraine; after which he did
me no more harm. The chevalier died so poor that his friends had
to pay for his burial. He had, however, an income of three hundred
thousand crowns; but he was a bad manager, and his people robbed him.
As long as they gave him a thousand pistoles for his gambling and
debauchery he let them dissipate and pillage his property as they
chose. La Grançay contrived to get a great deal of money out of him.
He came to a dreadful end. He was sitting with Mme. de Maré, sister
of Mme. de Grançay, and was telling her how he had passed the night
in debauchery, relating the utmost horrors, when he was struck with
apoplexy, lost his speech at once, and never recovered consciousness.
If I could have given my blood to prevent the marriage of my son
I would have done it; but after the thing was done I consulted
only concord. Monsieur felt much attachment to his daughter-in-law
during the first months, but after he imagined that she looked
with too favourable an eye on the Chevalier de Roye [Marquis de la
Rochefoucauld] he hated her like the devil. To prevent him from
bursting out I was obliged to represent to him daily with all my
strength that he would dishonour himself, and his son too, by making
a scene, which would lead to nothing but unhappiness with the king.
As no one had wished for that marriage less than I, my advice was
not suspicious; it was plain I spoke, not from attachment to my
daughter-in-law, but for the purpose of avoiding scandal and from love
of my son and his family. So long as an outburst could be prevented
the thing was at least doubtful to the eyes of the public; an opposite
behaviour would have given proof that it was true.
I am now satisfied with Mme. d'Orléans; she shows me great respect,
and I, too, do my best to please her in everything, and I live with
her now as politely as possible. She never could resolve to dine
with the king, her father, therefore she cannot take that pains for
me. She is always lying down when she eats, with a little table and
her favourite, the Duchesse Sforza, beside her. At mid-day my son is
always with her.