Tom having now left his own native country, went into the county of
Northumberland, where he hired himself to an old miser of a farmer,
where he continued for several years, performing his duty in his
service very well, tho’ sometimes playing tricks on those about
him; but his master had a naughty custom, he would allow them no
candle at night, to see with when at supper. So Tom one night sets
himself next his master, and as they were all about to fall on,
Tom puts his spoon into the heart of the dish, where the crowdy
was hottest, and claps a spoonful into his master’s mouth. A pox
on you for a rogue, cried his master, for my mouth is all burnt. A
pox on you for a master, says Tom, for you keep a house as dark as
Purgatory, for I was going to my mouth with the soup, and missed
the way, it being so dark, don’t think master, that I am such a big
fool as to feed you while I have a mouth of my own. So from that
night that Tom burnt his master’s mouth with the hot crowdy, they
always got a candle to show them light at supper, for his master
would feed no more in the dark while Tom was present.
There was a servant girl in the house, who always when she made the
beds, neglected to make Tom’s, and would have him do it himself.
Well then, says Tom, I have harder work to do, and I shall do that
too. So next day when Tom was at the plough, he saw his master
coming from the house towards him, he left the horses and the
plough standing in the field, and goes away towards his master. Who
cried, what is wrong? or is there any thing broke with you? No, no,
says Tom, but I am going home to make my bed, it has not been made
these two weeks, and now it is about the time the maid makes all
the rest, so I’ll go and make mine too. No, no, says his master,
go to your plough, and I’ll cause it to be made every night. Then,
says Tom, I’ll plough two or three furrows more in the time, so Tom
gained his end.
One day a butcher came and bought a fine fat calf from Tom’s
master, and Tom laid it on the horse’s neck, before the butcher:
when he was gone; Now, says Tom, what will you hold master but
I’ll steal the calf from the butcher before he goes two miles off?
Says his master, I’ll hold a guinea you don’t. Done, says Tom.
Into the house he goes, and takes a good shoe of his master’s and
runs another way across a field, till he got before the butcher,
near the corner of a hedge, where there was an open and turning of
the way; here Tom places himself behind the hedge, and throws the
shoe into the middle of the highway; so, when the butcher came up
riding, with his calf before him, Hey, said he to himself, there’s
a good shoe! if I knew how to get on my calf again, I would light
for it, but what signifies one shoe without its neighbour? So on he
rides and lets it lie. Tom then slips out and takes up the shoe,
and runs across the fields until he got before the butcher, at
another open of a hedge, about half a mile distant, and throws
out the shoe again on the middle of the road; then up comes the
butcher, and seeing it, says to himself; now I shall have a pair
of good shoes for the lifting; and down he comes, lays the calf on
the ground, and tying his horse to the hedge, runs back thinking
to get the other shoe, in which time, Tom whips up the calf and
shoe, and home he comes demanding his wager, which his master could
not refuse, being so fairly won. The poor butcher not finding the
shoe, came back to his horse, and missing the calf, knew not what
to do; but thinking it had broke the rope from about its feet, and
had run into the fields, the butcher spent the day in search of
it, amongst the hedges and ditches, and returned to Tom’s master’s
at night intending to go in search again for it next day; and gave
them a tedious relation how he came to loose it by a cursed pair
of shoes, which he believed the devil had dropped in his way, and
taken the calf and shoes along with him; but he was thankful he
had left his old horse to carry him home. Next morning Tom set to
work, and makes a fine white face on the calf with chalk and water:
then brings it out and sells it to the butcher; which was good
diversion to his master and other servants, to see the butcher buy
his own calf again. No sooner was he gone with it, but Tom says,
now master, what will you hold but I’ll steal it from him again ere
he goes two miles off? No no, says his master, I’ll hold no more
bets with you; but I’ll give you a shilling if you do it. Done,
says Tom, it shall cost you no more; and away he runs through the
fields, until he came before the butcher, hard by the place where
he stole the calf from him the day before; and there he lies down
behind the hedge, and as the butcher came past, he put his hand
on his mouth and cries baw, baw, like a calf. The butcher hearing
this, swears to himself that there was the calf he had lost the
day before: down he comes, and throws the calf on the ground, gets
thro’ the hedge in all haste, thinking he had no more to do but to
take it up; but as he came in at one part of the hedge, Tom jumped
out at another, and gets the calf on his back; then goes over the
hedge on the other side, and thro’ the fields he came safely home,
with the calf on his back, while the poor butcher spent his time
and labour in vain, running from hedge to hedge, and hole to hole,
seeking the calf. So the butcher returning to his horse again,
and finding his other calf gone, he concluded that it was done by
some invisible spirit, about that spot of ground; and so went home
lamenting the loss of his calf. When Tom got home he washed the
white face off the stolen calf, and his master sent the butcher
word to come and buy another calf, which he accordingly did in a
few days after, and Tom sold him the same calf a third time, and
then told him the whole affair as it was acted, giving him his
money again. So the butcher got fun for his trouble.