I AM TAUGHT ON A COLD MORNING, BEFORE BREAKFAST, HOW TO STAND FIRE, AND
THUS PROVE MY COURAGE--AFTER BREAKFAST I ALSO PROVE MY GALLANTRY--MY
PROOF MEETS REPROOF--WOMEN AT THE BOTTOM OF ALL MISCHIEF--BY ONE I LOSE
MY LIBERTY, AND, BY ANOTHER, MY MONEY.
When I began to wake the next morning, I could not think what it was
that felt like a weight upon my chest, but as I roused and recalled my
scattered thoughts, I remembered that in an hour or two it would be
decided whether I were to exist another day. Before I was dressed, the
midshipman who had volunteered to be my second came into my room, and
informed me that the affair was to be decided in the garden behind the
inn, and that my adversary was a very good shot.
I dressed myself and followed my second into the garden, where I found
all the midshipmen and some of the waiters of the inn. They all seemed
very merry, as if the life of a fellow-creature was of no consequence.
The seconds talked apart for a little while, and then measured the
ground, which was twelve paces; we then took our stations. I believe
that I turned pale, for my second came to my side and whispered that I
must not be frightened. I replied that I was not frightened, but that I
considered that it was an awful moment. The second to my adversary then
came up and asked me whether I would make an apology, which I refused to
do as before; they handed a pistol to each of us, and my second showed
me how I was to pull the trigger. It was arranged that at the word
given, we were to fire at the same time. I made sure that I should be
wounded, if not killed, and I shut my eyes as I fired my pistol in the
air. I felt my head swim, and thought I was hurt, but fortunately I was
not. The pistols were loaded again, and we fired a second time. The
seconds then interfered, and it was proposed that we should shake hands,
which I was very glad to do, for I considered my life to have been saved
by a miracle.
The next day my chest arrived by the waggon, and I threw off my
"bottle-greens" and put on my uniform. I had no cocked-hat, or dirk, as
the warehouse people employed by Mr Handycock did not supply those
articles, and it was arranged that I should procure them at Portsmouth.
When I inquired the price, I found that they cost more money than I had
in my pocket, so I tore up the letter I had written to my mother before
the duel, and wrote another asking for a remittance to purchase my dirk
and cocked-hat. I then walked out in my uniform, not a little proud, I
must confess.
I had arrived opposite a place called Sally Port, when a young lady very
nicely dressed, looked at me very hard and said, "Well, Reefer, how are
you off for soap?" I was astonished at the question, and more so at the
interest which she seemed to take in my affairs. I answered, "Thank
you, I am very well off; I have four cakes of Windsor, and two bars of
yellow for washing." She laughed at my reply, and asked me whether I
would walk home and take a bit of dinner with her. I was astonished at
this polite offer, and I said that I should be most happy. I thought I
might venture to offer my arm, which she accepted, and we proceeded up
High Street on our way to her home.
Just as we passed the admiral's house, I perceived my captain walking
with two of the admiral's daughters. I was not a little proud to let
him see that I had female acquaintances as well as he had, and, as I
passed him with the young lady under my protection, I took off my hat,
and made him a low bow. To my surprise, not only did he not return the
salute, but he looked at me with a very stern countenance. I concluded
that he was a very proud man, and did not wish the admiral's daughters
to suppose that he knew midshipmen by sight; but I had not exactly made
up my mind on the subject, when the captain, having seen the ladies into
the admiral's house, sent one of the messengers after me to desire that
I would immediately come to him at the George Inn, which was nearly
opposite.
I apologised to the young lady, and promised to return immediately if
she would wait for me; but she replied, if that was my captain, it was
her idea that I should have a confounded wigging and be sent on board.
So, wishing me good-bye, she left me and continued her way home. I
could as little comprehend all this as why the captain looked so black
when I passed him; but it was soon explained when I went up to him in
the parlour at the George Inn. "I am sorry, Mr Simple," said the
captain, when I entered, "that a lad like you should show such early
symptoms of depravity; still more so, that he should not have the grace
which even the most hardened are not wholly destitute of--I mean to
practise immorality in secret, and not degrade themselves and insult
their captain by unblushingly avowing (I may say glorying in) their
iniquity, by exposing it in broad day, and in the most frequented street
of the town."
"Sir!" replied I, with astonishment, "O dear! what have I done?"
The captain fixed his keen eyes upon me, so that they appeared to pierce
me through, and nail me to the wall. "Do you pretend to say, sir, that
you were not aware of the character of the person with whom you were
walking just now?"
"No, sir," replied I, "except that she was very kind and good-natured;"
and then I told him how she had addressed me, and what subsequently took
place.
"And is it possible, Mr Simple, that you are so great a fool?" I
replied that I certainly was considered the greatest fool of our family.
"I should think you were," replied he, dryly. He then explained to me
who the person was with whom I was in company, and how any association
with her would inevitably lead to my ruin and disgrace.
I cried very much, for I was shocked at the narrow escape which I had
had, and mortified at having fallen in his good opinion. He asked me
how I had employed my time since I had been at Portsmouth, and I made an
acknowledgment of having been made tipsy, related all that the
midshipmen had told me, and how I had that morning fought a duel.
When I had finished, he said, "Mr Simple, I can no longer trust you on
shore until you are more experienced in the world. I shall desire my
coxswain not to lose sight of you until you are safe on board of the
frigate."
Altogether I did not feel sorry when it was over. I saw that the
captain believed what I had stated, and that he was disposed to be kind
to me, although he thought me very silly. The coxswain, in obedience to
his orders, accompanied me to the Blue Post. I packed up my clothes,
paid my bill, and the porter wheeled my chest down to the Sally Port,
where the boat was waiting.
"Come, heave a-head, my lads, be smart. The captain says we are to take
the young gentleman on board directly. His liberty's stopped for
getting drunk and running after the Dolly Mops!"
"I should thank you to be more respectful in your remarks, Mr
Coxswain," said I with displeasure.
"Mister Coxswain! thanky, sir, for giving me a handle to my name,"
replied he. "Come, be smart with your oars, my lads!"
"La, Bill Freeman," said a young woman on the beach, "what a nice young
gentleman you have there. He looks like a sucking Nelson. I say, my
pretty young officer, could you lend me a shilling?"
I was so pleased at the woman calling me young Nelson, that I
immediately complied with her request. "I have not a shilling in my
pocket," said I, "but here is half-a-crown, and you can change it, and
bring me back the eighteen-pence."
"Well you are a nice young man," replied she, taking the half-crown;
"I'll be back directly, my dear."
The men in the boat laughed, and the coxswain desired them to shove off.
"No," observed I, "you must wait for my eighteen-pence."
"We shall wait a devilish long while, then, I suspect. I know that
girl, and she has a very bad memory."
"She cannot be so dishonest or ungrateful," replied I. "Coxswain, I
order you to stay--I am an officer."
"I know you are, sir, about six hours old; well then, I must go up and
tell the captain that you have another girl in tow, and that you won't
go on board."
"O no, Mr Coxswain, pray don't; shove off as soon as you please, and
never mind the eighteen-pence."
The boat then shoved off, and pulled towards the ship, which lay at
Spithead.