I AM MADE TO LOOK VERY BLUE AT THE BLUE POSTS--FIND WILD SPIRITS AROUND,
AND, SOON AFTER, HOT SPIRITS WITHIN ME; AT LENGTH MY SPIRITS OVERCOME
ME--CALL TO PAY MY RESPECTS TO THE CAPTAIN, AND FIND THAT I HAD HAD THE
PLEASURE OF MEETING HIM BEFORE--NO SOONER OUT OF ONE SCRAPE THAN INTO
ANOTHER.
When we stopped, I enquired of the coachman which was the best inn. He
answered that "it was the Blue Postesses, where the midshipmen leave
their chestesses, call for tea and toastesses, and sometimes forget to
pay for their breakfastesses." He laughed when he said it, and I
thought that he was joking with me; but he pointed out two, large blue
posts at the door next the coach-office, and told me that all the
midshipmen resorted to that hotel. The coffee-room was full of
midshipmen, and, as I was anxious about my chest, I enquired of one of
them if he knew when the waggon would come in.
"Do you expect your mother by it?" replied he.
"O no! but I expect my uniforms--I only wear these bottle-greens until
they come."
"And pray what ship are you going to join?"
"The _Die-a-maid_--Captain Thomas Kirkwall Savage."
"The _Diomede_--I say, Robinson, a'n't that the frigate in which the
midshipmen had four dozen apiece for not having pipe-clayed their weekly
accounts on the Saturday?"
"To be sure it is," replied the other; "why the captain gave a youngster
five dozen the other day for wearing a scarlet watch-riband."
"'Pon my soul I pity you: you'll be fagged to death; for there's only
three midshipmen in the ship now--all the rest ran away. Didn't they,
Robinson?"
"There's only two left now:--for poor Matthews died of fatigue. He was
worked all day, and kept watch all night for six weeks, and one morning
he was found dead upon his chest."
"God bless my soul!" cried I, "and yet, on shore, they say he is such a
kind man to his midshipmen."
"Yes," replied Robinson, "he spreads that report everywhere. Come, sit
down with us and take a glass of grog; it will keep your spirits up."
I am sorry to state that the midshipmen made me very tipsy that evening.
I don't recollect being put to bed, but I found myself there the next
morning with a dreadful head-ache, and a very confused recollection of
what had passed. I was very much shocked at my having so soon forgotten
the injunctions of my parents, and was making vows never to be so
foolish again, when in came the midshipman who had been so kind to me
the night before. "Come, Mr Bottlegreen," he bawled out, alluding, I
suppose, to the colour of my clothes, "rouse and bitt. There's the
captain's coxswain waiting for you below. By the powers, you're in a
pretty scrape for what you did last night!"
"Did last night!" replied I, astonished. "Why, does the captain know
that I was tipsy?"
"I think you took devilish good care to let him know it when you were at
the theatre."
"At the theatre! was I at the theatre?"
"To be sure you were. You would go, do all we could to prevent you,
though you were as drunk as David's sow. Your captain was there with
the admiral's daughters. You called him a tyrant, and snapped your
fingers at him. Why, don't you recollect? You told him that you did
not care a fig for him."
"O dear! O dear! what shall I do? what shall I do?" cried I.
"Upon my honour, I'm sorry--very sorry indeed," replied the
midshipman;--and he quitted the room, looking as grave as if the
misfortune had happened to himself. I got up with a heavy head, and
heavier heart, and as soon as I was dressed, I asked the way to the
George Inn. I took my letter of introduction with me, although I was
afraid it would be of little service. When I arrived, I asked, with a
trembling voice, whether Captain Thomas Kirkwall Savage, of H.M.S.
_Diomede_, was staying there. The waiter replied, that he was at
breakfast with Captain Courtney, but that he would take up my name. I
give it him, and in a minute the waiter returned and desired that I
would walk up. O how my heart beat--I never was so frightened--I
thought I should have dropped on the stairs. Twice I attempted to walk
into the room, and each time my legs failed me; at last I wiped the
perspiration from my forehead, and with a desperate effort I went into
the room.
"Mr Simple, I am glad to see you," said a voice. I had held my head
down, for I was afraid to look at him, but the voice was so kind that I
mustered up courage; and, when I did look up, there sat with his uniform
and epaulets, and his sword by his side, the passenger in the plaid
cloak, who wanted to open my letter, and whom I had told to his face,
that he was no _gentleman_.
I thought I should have died, as the other midshipman did upon his
chest. I was just sinking down upon my knees to beg for mercy, when the
captain, perceiving my confusion, burst out into a laugh, and said, "So
you know me again, Mr Simple? Well, don't be alarmed; you did your
duty in not permitting me to open the letter. I give you credit for
your conduct. Now sit down and take some breakfast."
"Captain Courtney," said he to the other captain, who was at the table,
"this is one of my youngsters, just entering the service. We were
passengers yesterday by the same coach." He then told him the
circumstance which occurred, at which they laughed heartily.
I now recovered my spirits a little--but still there was the affair at
the theatre, and I thought that perhaps he did not recognise me. I was,
however, soon relieved from my anxiety by the other captain inquiring,
"were you at the theatre last night, Savage?"
"No; I dined at the admiral's; there's no getting away from those girls,
they are so pleasant."
"I rather think you are a little--_taken_ in that quarter."
"No, on my word! I might be, if I had time to discover which I liked
best; but my ship is at present my wife, and the only wife I intend to
have until I am laid on the shelf."
Well, thought I, if he was not at the theatre, it could not have been
him that I insulted.
"Pray, Mr Simple, how are your father and mother?" said the captain.
"Very well, I thank you, sir, and desire me to present their
compliments."
"I am obliged to them. Now I have a little advice to offer you. In the
first place, obey your superior officers without hesitation; it is for
me, not you, to decide whether an order is unjust or not. In the next
place, never swear or drink spirits. The first is immoral and
ungentleman-like, the second is a vile habit which will grow upon you.
I never touch spirit myself, and I expect that my young gentlemen will
refrain from it also. Now you may go, and as soon as your uniforms
arrive, you will repair on board. Good morning."
I quitted the room with a low bow, glad to have surmounted so easily
what appeared to be a chaos of difficulty; but my mind was confused with
the testimony of the midshipman, so much at variance with the language
and behaviour of the captain. When I arrived at the Blue Posts, I found
all the midshipmen in the coffee-room, and I repeated to them all that
had passed. When I had finished, they burst out laughing, and said that
they had only been joking with me. "Well," said I to the one who had
called me up in the morning, "you may call it joking, but I call it
lying."
"Pray, Mr Bottlegreen, do you refer to me?"
"Yes, I do," replied I.
"Then, sir, as a gentleman I demand satisfaction. Slugs in a saw-pit.
Death before dishonour, damn me!"
"Could not the affair be arranged otherwise?" interrupted another.
"Will not Mr Bottlegreen retract?"
"My name is Simple, sir, and not Bottlegreen," replied I; "and as he did
tell a falsehood, I will not retract?"
"Then the affair must go on," said the midshipman. "Robinson, will you
oblige me by acting as my second?"
"It's an unpleasant business," replied the other, "you are so good a
shot; but as you request it, I shall not refuse. Mr Simple is not, I
believe, provided with a friend."
"Yes, he is," replied another of the midshipmen. "He is a spunky
fellow, and I'll be his second."
It was then arranged that we should meet the next morning with pistols.
I considered that, as an officer and a gentleman, I could not well
refuse, but I was very unhappy. I went up into my room and wrote a long
letter to my mother, enclosing a lock of my hair, and having shed a few
tears at the idea of how sorry she would be if I were killed, I borrowed
a Bible from the waiter, and read it during the remainder of the day.