than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night.” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Goodwife said to the Kazi, “Do thou come to
me after supper-time,” and went her ways and entered the Hammam, where
she washed herself and cleaned herself; then, coming out thence, she
determined to go home. But she was met on her road by a Gentleman[358]
who was Sháhbandar of the Trader-guild, and he seeing her set his
affections upon her; so he accosted her, saying, “Is’t possible that we
ever be merry together?” Hereat she appointed him to come when supper
was done, after which she left him and ganged her gait. As she neared
her home she was met by a Butcher whose heart inclined to her, so he
addressed her saying, “Is union possible?” and she appointed him to
visit her an hour after supper had been eaten. Then she went home and
mounting the stairs took seat in the upper saloon open to the air, where
she doffed her head-veil[359] and all that was upon her head. Now in the
neighbourhood of her house was a Trader and he had mounted to the
terrace-roof for a reason; so when the woman bared her hair and taking
up a comb began to dry and prepare it for dressing, his eyes fell upon
her whilst so engaged, and his heart was engrossed with her love.
Presently he sent to her an old woman; and she returned him a reply and
appointed him to visit her house during the night after supper-tide. On
this wise she had promised herself to four men.[360] Now the Kazi had
got ready for her a Kohl-style and the Gentleman had prepared for her a
fine suit of clothes and the Butcher had led for her a full-sized ram
and the Trader had set apart for her two pieces of silk. As soon as it
was supper-time, behold, the Kazi repaired to her in privacy bringing
his gift and knocked at the door which he found unbolted and she cried
to him, “Come in.” Accordingly he entered to her and presented to her
that which was with him, but hardly had he settled himself comfortably
in his seat when the Gentleman arrived and also rapped. Quoth the Kazi
to the Goodwife, “Who may this be?” and quoth she, “Fear thou nothing,
but arise and doff thy dress;” so he stripped himself altogether and she
garbed him in a gaberdine and bonnet[361] and hid him in a closet and
went to open the door. Hereupon appeared the Consul and she let him in
and accepted what he had brought and seated him beside her. But hardly
had he settled down when, behold, there came a knock at the door and he
cried, “Who may that be?” Said she, “Fear nothing but up and doff thy
dress;” so he arose and stripped himself and she disguised him in a
gaberdine and bonnet and hid him in another closet all alone. Then she
hastened to the door and suddenly the Flesher-man appeared and she let
him in and led him within and having accepted his present seated him;
but hardly was he at his ease when the door was again knocked, whereat
he was overcome and affrighted: however, she said to him, “Fear nothing,
but arise and doff thy dress in order that I may hide thee.” So he threw
off his clothes and she invested him in a gaberdine and a bonnet and
thrust him into a third cabinet. After this she went and opened the door
when there came to her the Trader who was her neighbour, so she let him
in and took what was with him, and seated him; and he was proceeding to
sit down in comfort when behold, some one knocked at the door and he
said, “Who may that be?” Hereupon she cried, “Oh my honour! Oh my
calamity! This is my husband who but yesterday[362] killed off four men;
however do thou rise up and doff thy dress.” He did as she bade him,
upon which she garbed him in a gaberdine and a bonnet and laid him in a
fourth closet. So these four one and all found themselves in as many
cabinets[363] sorely sorrowful and fearful; but she went forth and
suddenly her mate the Emir came in and took seat upon a chair that was
in the house. Hereat all four sensed that she had opened to her husband
and had admitted him; and they said in their minds, “Yesterday he killed
four men and now he will kill me.” And each and every considered his own
affair and determined in his mind what should happen to him from the
husband. Such was the case with these four; but as regards the
house-master, when he took seat upon the chair, he fell to chatting with
his wife and asking her saying, “What hast thou seen this day during thy
walk to the Hammam?” Said she, “O my lord, I have witnessed four
adventures and on every one hangeth a wondrous tale!” Now when the four
heard the Goodwife speaking these words each of them said to himself,
“Indeed I am a dead man and ’tis the intention of this woman to peach
upon me.” Presently her husband asked her, “What be these four
histories?” and answered she, “I saw four men each and every of whom was
an antic fellow, a droll, a buffoon; furthermore, O my lord, one and all
of them were garbed in gaberdine and bonnet.”——And Shahrazad was
surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her
permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful
is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth
she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the
coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the
next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-first Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the woman said to her husband, “Moreover each
of the four was habited in gaberdine and bonnet.” But when the amourists
heard these words every one of them said to himself, “Here be a judgment
this strumpet of a woman hath wrought upon us, the whore! the witch!”
and her husband understanding what she told him asked, “Wherefore didst
thou not bring them hither that the sight might solace us?” “O my lord,”
answered she, “had I brought them what hadst thou said to them? indeed I
fear me thou wouldst have slain them!” And he, “No indeed; I would not
have killed them, for they are but buffoon-folk, and we should have
enjoyed their harlequinades and would have made them dance to us a wee
and all and some tell us tales to gladden our minds; after which we
would have suffered them depart and go about their own business.” The
wife enquired, “And given that they knew neither dancing nor
story-telling what hadst thou done with them?” and replied he, “Had the
case been as thou sayest and they ignorant of all this, verily we would
have killed them and cast them into the chapel of ease.” The four men
hearing such threatening words muttered to themselves, “There is no
Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great;”
but the Kazi said in his mind, “How remain Judge of this city when I
shall have been found garbed in gaberdine and bonnet and dancing and
tale-telling? and indeed this is the greater death. Allah bring to ruin
this adulteress of a woman!” Then the Flesher took thought as follows,
“How shall I continue to be Chief of the Butchers when I prance about
with a bonnet on my pate? this is indeed a painful penalty!” Then quoth
the Gentleman, the Consul, “How shall it be with me when I am seen
dancing and donning a bonnet? indeed death by the sword were lighter
than this!” Then muttered the Trader which was the woman’s neighbour,
“’Tis easier to kill myself with my own hand than to endure all such
ill.” Anon the woman said to her husband, “Inshallah—God willing—on the
morrow we will bring them hither to thy house that we may solace
ourselves therewith;” but said he, “Walláhi, hadst thou brought them
this night ’twere better, for that to-morrow evening I have business in
the house of the Chief Emir.” Quoth she to him, “Now grant me immunity
and give me permission and I will arise and bring them to thee at this
moment, but each must come to thee alone and by himself.” Quoth he, “O
Woman, leave I do give thee and immunity I do grant thee;” whereupon she
rose without stay or delay and went to the closet wherein was the Judge.
Then she opened it and entered, and taking him by the hand dragged him
forward and came out with him and set him before her spouse garbed as he
was in gaberdine and bonnet. The house-master scrutinised him and was
certified of his being the Kazi and said to him, “Blessed be to thee, O
our lord, this bonnet and this gaberdine which become thee passing
well.” But the Judge, as he stood before the presence of the woman’s
husband, bowed his front downwards and was clothed as with a garment in
the sweat of shame and was sore abashed, when the Emir said to him, “O
our lord the Kazi, do thou dance for us a wee the baboon dance and
rejoice us; after which performance do thou tell us a tale that our
breasts may thereby be broadened.” But when the man said this to him,
the Judge feared for his life because he had heard and well remembered
the words of the householder and he fell to clapping his palms and
prancing to right and left. Hereupon the Emir laughed consumedly, he and
his wife, and they signed and signalled each to other deriding the
judicial dance, and the Kazi ceased not skipping, until he fell to the
floor for his fatigue. Hereupon the man said to him, “Basta! Now tell us
thy tale that we may rejoice thereat; then do thou rise up and go about
thy business.” “Hearkening and obedience,” said the Judge and forthright
he began to relate the adventure of
THE TAILOR AND THE LADY AND THE CAPTAIN.[364]
It is related that a Tailor was sitting in his shop facing a tall house
tenanted by a Yúzbáshi, and this man had a wife who was unique for
beauty and loveliness. Now one day of the days as she looked out at the
latticed window the Snip espied her and was distraught by her comeliness
and seemlihead. So he became engrossed by love of her and remained all
day a-gazing at the casement disturbed and perturbed, and as often as
she approached the window and peered out therefrom, he would stare at
her and say to her, “O my lady and O core of my heart, good morning to
thee; and do thou have mercy upon one sore affected by his affection to
thee; one whose eyes sleep not by night for thy fair sake.” “This pimp
be Jinn-mad!” quoth the Captain’s wife, “and as often as I look out at
the window he dareth bespeak me: haply the folk shall say:—Indeed she
must needs be his mistress.” But the Tailor persevered in this
proceeding for a while of days until the lady was offended thereby and
said in her mind, “Walláhi, there is no help but that I devise for him a
device which shall make unlawful to him this his staring and casting
sheep’s eyes at my casement; nay more, I will work for ousting him from
his shop.” So one day of the days when the Yuzbashi went from home, his
wife arose and adorned and beautified herself, and donning the bestest
of what dresses and decorations she had, despatched one of her
slave-girls to the Tailor instructing her to say to him:—“My lady
salameth to thee and biddeth thee come and drink coffee with her.” The
handmaiden went to his shop and delivered the message; and he, when
hearing these words,[365] waxed bewildered of wits and rose up quivering
in his clothes;——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell
silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister
Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and
delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would
relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now
when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that when the Tailor heard the girl’s words, he
quivered in his clothes; but indeed he recked not aught of the wiles of
womankind. So after padlocking his shop he went with her to the house
and walked upstairs, where he was met by the lady with a face like the
rondure of the moon and she greeted him right merrily, and taking him by
the hand led him to a well-mattressed Divan and bade her slave-girl
serve him with coffee, and as he drank it she sat facing him. Presently
the twain fell to conversing, she and he; and she soothed him with sweet
speech, whilst he went clean out of his mind for the excess of her
beauty and loveliness. This lasted until near midday, when she bade
serve the dinner-trays, and took seat in front of him, and he began
picking up morsels[366] designed for his lips and teeth, but in lieu
thereof thrust them into his eye. She laughed at him, but hardly had he
swallowed the second mouthful and the third when behold, the door was
knocked, whereupon she looked out from the casement and cried, “Oh my
honour! this is my husband.” Hereat the man’s hands and knees began to
quake, and he said to her, “Whither shall I wend?” Said she, “Go into
this closet,” and forthright she thrust him into a cabinet and shot the
bolt upon him and taking the key she tare out one of its teeth[367] and
put it in her pocket. After this she went down and opened the door to
her husband who walked upstairs; and finding the dinner trays bespread,
asked her, “What is this?” She answered, “I and my lover have been
dining together.” “And what may be thy lover?” “Here he is.”[368] “Where
may he be?” to which she replied, “He is inside this closet.” Now as
soon as the Tailor heard her say this say, he piddled in his
bag-breeches and befouled himself and he was in a filthy state with
skite and piss.[369] Hereupon the Captain asked, “And where’s the key?”
and she answered, “Here it is with me.”[370] “Bring it out,” said he, so
she pulled it from her pocket and handed it to him. The Captain took the
key from his spouse and applying it to the wooden bolt of the cabinet
rattled it to and fro[371] but it would not open; so the wife came up to
him and cried, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, what wilt thou do with my
playmate?” Said he, “I will slay him!” and said she, “No, ’tis my
opinion that thou hadst better pinion him and bind him as if crucified
to the pillar in the court floor and then smite him with thy sword upon
the neck and cut off his head; for I, during my born days, never saw a
criminal put to death and now ’tis my desire to sight one done to die.”
“Sooth is thy speech,” quoth he: so he took the key and fitting it into
the wooden bolt would have drawn it back, but it could not move because
a tooth had been drawn therefrom and the while he was rattling at the
bolt his wife said to him, “O my lord, ’tis my desire that thou lop off
his hands and his feet until he shall become marked by his maims;[372]
and after do thou smite his neck.” “A sensible speech,” cried the
husband and during the whole time her mate was striving to pull the bolt
she kept saying to him, “Do this and do that with the fellow,” and he
ceased not saying to her, “’Tis well.” All this and the Tailor sat
hearkening to their words and melting in his skin; but at last the wife
burst out laughing until she fell upon her back and her husband asked
her, “Whereat this merriment?” Answered she, “I make mock of thee for
that thou art wanting in wits and wisdom.” Quoth he, “Wherefore?” and
quoth she, “O my lord, had I a lover and had he been with me should I
have told aught of him to thee? Nay; I said in my mind:—Do such and such
with the Captain and let’s see whether he will believe or disbelieve.
Now when I spake thou didst credit me and it became apparent to me that
thou art wanting in wits.” Cried he to her, “Allah disappoint thee! Dost
thou make jibe and jape of me? I also said in my thoughts:—How can a man
be with her and she speak of him in the face of me?” So he arose and
took seat with her, the twain close together, at the dinner-tray and she
fell to morselling him and he to morselling her, and they laughed and
ate until they had their sufficiency and were filled; then they washed
their hands and drank coffee. After this they were cheered and they
toyed together and played the two-backed beast until their pleasure was
fulfilled and this was about mid-afternoon——And Shahrazad was surprised
by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say.
Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O
sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is
this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the
Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night, and that
was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-fifth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Yuzbashi fell to toying with his wife, and
thrusting and foining at her cleft[373], her solution of continuity, and
she wriggled to and fro to him, and bucked up and down, after which he
tumbled her and both were _in gloria_.[374] This lasted until near
mid-afternoon when he arose and went forth to the Hammam. But as soon as
he left the house she opened the cabinet and brought out the Tailor,
saying, “Hast thou seen what awaiteth thee, O pander, O impure? Now, by
Allah, an thou continue staring at the windows or durst bespeak me with
one single word it shall be the death of thee. This time I have set thee
free, but a second time I will work to the wasting of thy heart’s
blood.” Cried he, “I will do so no more; no, never!” Thereupon said she
to her slave-girl, “O handmaid, open to him the door;” and she did so,
and he fared forth (and he foully bewrayed as to his nether garments)
until he had returned to his shop. Now when the Emir heard the tale of
the Kazi, he rejoiced thereat and said to him, “Up and gang thy gait!”
so the Judge went off garbed in his gaberdine and bonnet. Then said the
house-master to his wife, “This be one of the four, where’s Number Two?”
Hereat she arose and opened the closet in which was the Gentleman and
led him out by the hand till he stood before her husband, who looked
hard at him and was certified of him and recognised him as the
Shâhbandar; so he said to him, “O Khawájah, when didst thou make thee a
droll?”[375] but the other returned to him neither answer nor address
and only bowed his brow groundwards. Quoth the house-master to him,
“Dance for us a wee and when thou shalt have danced do thou tell us a
tale.” So he fell perforce to clapping his hands and skipping about
until he fell down of fatigue when he said, “O my lord, there is with me
a rare story, and an exceeding strange if thou of thy grace accord
attention to my words.” “Tell on and I will listen to thee,” quoth the
other, whereupon said the Gentleman, “’Tis concerning the wiles of
womankind,” and fell to relating the adventures of
THE SYRIAN AND THE THREE WOMEN OF CAIRO.[377]
There was a man, a Shámí, who came to the God-guarded city of Misr
al-Káhirah—Misr of Mars—and with him was a store of money and
merchandize and sumptuous clothing. He hired for himself a room in a
caravanserai, and having no slave, he was wont to go forth every day and
roam about the city-thoroughfares and cater for himself. Now this
continued for a while of time till one day of the days, as he was
wandering and diverting his mind by looking to the right and to the
left, he was met on the way by three women who were leaning and swaying
one towards other as they walked on laughing aloud; and each and every
of the three surpassed her fellow in beauty and loveliness. When he
looked at them his mustachios curled[378] at the sight and he accosted
them and addressed the trio, saying, “May it be that ye will drink
coffee in my lodging?” “Indeed we will,” said they, “and we will make
mirth with thee and exceeding merriment, passing even the will of thee.”
Quoth he, “When shall it be?” and quoth they, “To-night we will come to
thy place.” He continued, “I am living in a room of Such-and-such a
Wakálah.”[379] and they rejoined, “Do thou make ready for us supper and
we will visit thee after the hour of night-prayers.” He cried, “These
words are well;” so they left him and went their ways; and he, on the
return way home, bought flesh and greens and wine and perfumes; then,
having reached his room, he cooked five kinds of meats without including
rice and conserves, and made ready whatso for the table was suitable.
Now when it was supper-time behold, the women came in to him, all three
wearing capotes[380] over their dresses, and when they had entered they
threw these cloaks off their shoulders and took their seats as they were
moons. Hereupon the Syrian arose and set before them the food-trays and
they ate their sufficiency, after which he served to them the table of
wine, whereat they filled and passed to him and he accepted and swilled
until his head whirled round, and as often as he looked at any one of
them and considered her in her mould of beauty and loveliness he was
perplext and his wits were wildered. They ceased not to be after such
fashion until the noon o’ night,——And Shahrazad was surprised by the
dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then
quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and
how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared
with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer
me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-seventh Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Syrian and the three ladies ceased not to
persevere in the drinking of wine until the noon o’ night, at which time
he would not distinguish between masculine and feminine from the excess
of his wine-bibbing, so he said to one of the three, “Allah, upon thee,
O my lady, what may be the name of thee?” She replied, “I am hight
’Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me?’” Whereat he exclaimed, “No, Walláhi!”
Then he up-propped himself on his elbow and rising from the ground said
to the second, “Thou, O my lady, and life-blood of my heart, what is thy
name?” She answered, “I am hight, ’Never-sawest-thou-my-like,’”
and he replied, “Inshallah—what Allah willeth—O my lady
Never-sawest-thou-my-like.” Then said he to the third, “And thou, O
dearling of my heart, what may be the name of thee?” And said she, “I am
hight ’Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.’” When he heard these words he
cried out with a loud outcry and fell to the ground saying, “No, by
Allah, O my lady, Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.”[381] But when the
three women regarded him his reason was upset and they forced upon
him more wine-bibbing whilst he cried to them, “Fill for
me, ho my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like, and thou too, my
lady Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me, and eke thou, O my lady
Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.” And they drove him to drink still
more until he fell to the ground without a vein swelling[382] for he had
become drunken and dead drunk. When they saw him in this condition they
doffed his turband and crowned him with a cap, and fringes projecting
from the peak,[383] which they had brought with them; then they arose
and finding in his room a box full of raiment and ready money, they
rifled all that was therein. Presently they donned their dresses and,
waiting until the door of the Wakalah was opened after the call to the
morning-prayer, they went their ways and the Veiler vouchsafed them
protection[384] and they left the Syrian man in his room strown as a
tried toper and unknowing what the women had done with him of their wile
and guile. Now when it was the undurn-hour he awoke from his crapula and
opening his eyes, cried, “Ho my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like! and
ho my lady Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me! and ho my lady
Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know me!” But none returned to him any reply.
Then he pulled himself together and glanced carefully around but his
sight fell not upon anyone beside him, so he arose and went to the box
wherein he found never a single thing. This restored him to his right
senses and he recovered from his drink and cried, “There is no Majesty
and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great: this be a
judgment they have wrought for me.” Then he went forth still wearing the
tall fringed cap and knowing nothing of himself and, when he had issued
from his caravanserai, he cried to everyone he met in the streets, “I am
seeking Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me?” and the men would reply, “No, I
never sighted the like of thee;” and to a second he would say, “I am
looking for one Never-sawest-thou-aught-like-me;” and the other would
answer, “Indeed, I never beheld thy fellow;” then he would ask a third
“Hast thou seen one Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me?” and the
questioned would answer, “Indeed, I have looked at thee but I know thee
not at all.” And he ceased not wandering about, bonnet on head, and
everyone who met him by the way returned him the like replies
until he came upon a party of folk who were in front of a
barber’s booth.[385] There he cried upon them also, “Ah!
Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me! and Ah! Never-sawest-thou-my-like! and Ah!
Look upon-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me!” Hereat, understanding that he was
touched in brain and this was a judgment that had been wrought upon him,
they seized him and forced him into the barber’s shop and bringing a
mirror set it in his hands. When he looked therein he found a fool’s cap
upon his head, so forthwith he tore it off and took thought and said to
those present, “Who of you can guide me to those three women?” They said
to him, “O Syrian, march off with thyself to thy own land for that the
folk of Egypt can play with the egg and the stone.”[386] So he arose
without stay and delay; then, taking what provaunt was sufficient for
the way and what little of fine raiment had been left to him, he quitted
Cairo intending for his own country. Now the Emir hearing this tale of
the Shahbandar wondered thereof with extreme wonderment and said to the
Gentleman, “An thou have finished do thou fare forth and go about thy
business.” Accordingly he went from him still garbed in gaberdine and
bonnet on head when the house-master asked his wife, “Who of them here
remaineth with thee?” And she answered, “Have patience and I will bring
thee the third.” So she arose and opening another closet summoned the
Flesher and taking him by the hand, whilst he was ashamed and abashed,
led him till he stood before her spouse and the poor fellow availed not
to raise his eyes from the ground. Presently the husband considered him
and knew him and was certified that he was Such-and-such the Chief
Butcher and head of the craft, so he said to him, “Ho thou the clever
one, do thou dance for us a wee and after that tell us a tale.”
Accordingly he stood up and clapped hands and fell to dancing and
prancing till such time as he dropped down for fatigue; after which he
said, “O my lord, I have by me a tale anent the craft and cunning of
women.” Asked the other, “And what may it be?” and the Butcher began to
relate the tale of
THE LADY WITH TWO COYNTES.