Nicko came along! _What_ was it his mother called us girls? A menace
to society; creatures to be dreaded, and prayed against! You see I was
right in wishing to protect you for your mammy's sake as well as your
own. But, oh-- thank God Nicko came along! [_He sits suddenly upon the
settee and covers his face with his hands. She returns to him
quickly._] Ah, don't do that; don't do that! [_Touching his hands._]
Eddie! Eddie! I'm not worth it. Eddie! [_With an effort, he lifts his
head._] Listen. _This_ is what I want to say to you. Don't come near
me any more; you mustn't. And don't come to the theatre again either.
If I thought you were sitting in front, I-- I'm sure I couldn't----!
[_Entreatingly._] Swear-- swear you'll keep away from me, and from the
theatre! [_He nods._] And you'll never go to any supper or dinner or
dance where you're likely to meet the other girls, will you? Eddie!
[_He shakes his head._] Swear! [_He rises and, as he does so, she
grips the lapels of his coat again, her eyes blazing fiercely._] Oh!
Oh! If one of the other girls ever got hold of you, I-- I-- [_hissing
into his face_] I'd kill her! [_She leaves him and goes to the door on
the left and opens it._] Nicko! [_JEYES enters the room._] March, both
of you! [_Exhausted._] I-- I'm pretty well baked. [_FARNCOMBE joins
LILY and JEYES at the door and she stands between the two men looking
from one to the other and taking a hand of each._] Ha, ha, ha! I've
made the _pair_ of you precious miserable, if you only knew it. [_To
JEYES._] The difference is that _he'll_ soon forget me, and _you_,
with _me_ for a wife, are doomed for life. [_Putting her hands upon
JEYES' shoulders._] Nicko----! [_She kisses him lightly and, having
done so, asks him a question with her eyes. JEYES turns aside and she
faces FARNCOMBE and offers him her lips. They kiss._] Good-bye.
[_After a moment's pause, to both of them._] Away with you! [_The two
men go out and she follows them to the top of the stairs and watches
them descend. Then she slowly comes back into the room and stands
listening at the door. There is a distant sound._] Ah! [_Partly
closing the door, she wanders about the room aimlessly for a while.
Then, impulsively, she runs to the further window, lifts the sash, and
looks below._] Ah!... Ah!... [_Drawing back._] Ah-h-h-h----!
[_She shuts the window and comes to the settee and, sitting there,
takes off her shoes. Then she goes down upon the floor inelegantly,
hunts for her slippers, and puts them on. As she rises, the door on
the left is pushed open and MRS. UPJOHN peeps in cautiously._
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_In a dressing-gown and with her hair, now very scanty, tightly
screwed up._] Lil----?
LILY.
[_Stiffening herself and speaking in a cold, level voice._] Oh, I was
just coming up to you, mother, to get you to undo me.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Bustling to LILY._] I didn't mean to, but I fell off. [_Unhooking
LILY'S dress._] It _was_ the front-door I 'eard a minute ago, then? It
gave me sech a start. [_In difficulties with the hooks._] Turn more to
the light, dearie. These dressmakers do it a' purpose, I b'lieve. The
'ooks on that noo gown o' mine are a perfect myst'ry. Wot's _this_?
LILY.
[_Twisting her body._] Oh, don't fiddle so, mother!
MRS. UPJOHN.
You _did_ let 'im stay a time, Lil. 'Eaps to talk over, eh?
LILY.
[_Stonily._] Heaps. [_Trying to assist MRS. UPJOHN._] Oh----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Well, dear; well, well! Tell me wot's took place. Don't keep me in
suspense.
LILY.
I shan't tell you anything, mother, till I've had a sleep. I must go
through the sheets first. [_Stamping her foot._] Oh, tear the thing;
tear it!
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Ave you consented to make 'im 'appy, poor young gentleman? That's all
I want to know, Lil. [_Overcoming a hook._] There!
LILY.
Thank you, mother. [_Slipping her arms out of her dress._] I can
manage the rest.
MRS. UPJOHN.
But, Lil, dearie----!
LILY.
Oh, for mercy's sake, leave me alone! [_Violently._] Why can't you
leave me alone!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Ho! Very good! [_Moving away indignantly as LILY, with shaking
fingers, unfastens a necklace._] _This_ is my reward for layin' awake
'alf the night, is it, an' for thinkin' of you, an' wonderin' about
you! Ungrateful little puss, you! [_Going towards the door._] After
this, you can keep your affairs to yourself for as long as ever you
choose. Don't you expect _me_----!
LILY.
[_Suddenly, sitting upon the settee._] Mother----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Sharply._] Yes?
LILY.
[_Her hand to her brow._] Oh, mother----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Hurrying to LILY._] Wot is it?
LILY.
[_Swaying._] At last-- at last----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
At last----?
LILY.
[_Clinging to MRS. UPJOHN._] I'm in love, mother-- I'm in love-- in
love-- in love----!
END OF THE THIRD ACT.
THE FOURTH ACT
_The scene is the same as in the preceding act, but the light outside
is brighter and warmer and in the room is more diffused. On the table
in the centre, placed close to the settee, there is a small tray with
a breakfast of tea and toast upon it. The bedroom door is partly
open._
[_LILY, wan and red-eyed, is lying, propped up by cushions, upon the
settee. A newspaper is on her lap but she is gazing at vacancy. She
is in _négligé_. A dainty morning-robe covers her night-gown, her
bare feet are in slippers, and her hair is in a simple knot. MAUD
is at one of the drawers of the cupboard at the back, engaged in
selecting some articles of _lingerie_, and MRS. UPJOHN, completely
dressed for the day, is sitting in the arm-chair by the centre
table, her face hidden by a newspaper which she is reading.
Presently MAUD shuts the drawer and, carrying the _lingerie_,
comes forward._
MAUD.
[_To LILY._] What frock'll you put on?
LILY.
[_Starting slightly._] Eh?
MAUD.
One of your embroidered muslins, or your Ninon?
LILY.
[_Languidly._] Either; _I_ don't care.
MAUD.
Oh, gracious, what on earth _is_ the matter with you this morning!
I've never known you as queer as this after any hop you've been to in
_my_ time. [_To MRS. UPJOHN, who has lowered her paper._] Nothing
wrong, is there?
LILY.
[_Turning over and burying her head in the cushions._] Maud.
MAUD.
[_Moving to the settee and bending over LILY._] Here I am, lovey.
LILY.
[_In a muffled voice._] Go into the next room and shut the door, and
don't let me see your stupid, fat face till I come to you.
MAUD.
[_Laughing heartily._] Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho! That's better. [_Going
to the bedroom door._] That's how I like to hear her talk. We needn't
send for Dr. Gilson yet awhile. Ha, ha, ha!
[_She disappears into the bedroom and closes the door._
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Looking at LILY._] Lil.
LILY.
Yes, mother?
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Ave another cup o' tea, won't you?
LILY.
No.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Nother bit o' toast, then?
LILY.
No.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Smoke a cigarette.
LILY.
No.
MRS. UPJOHN.
You always _do_ 'ave a w'iff after your breakfast. Come!
LILY.
No.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Rising and walking away._] Oh, dear; oh, dear! Deuce take Carlton
Smythe an' 'is supper party-- those are _my_ sentiments; _an'_ Lal
Roper, busybody that 'e is! Things were goin' on with us as smooth an'
peaceful as could be, before this upset.
LILY.
[_Raising herself, angrily._] _You_ were in it, mother; you're as much
to blame as anybody.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Halting._] 'Ow _in_ it?
LILY.
In Uncle Lal's artful plan to prevent Nicko from being invited. You've
confessed you were.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lal twisted me round 'is little finger. I was clay in the porter's
'and, as your dad was fond of sayin'.
LILY.
[_Changing her position._] If only Nicko had been there, I shouldn't
have given young Farncombe all those dances, nor wandered about with
him in the intervals, nor allowed him to see me home. It all simply
wouldn't, _couldn't_ have happened. [_Hitting a cushion._] Oh!
[_Sitting up and embracing her knees._] Mother----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Behind the settee._] Wot?
LILY.
[_Knitting her brows._] I-- I'm so surprised at myself.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Surprised?
LILY.
So-- so disappointed with myself.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Why, you 'aven't done anything that-- that's not quite respectable,
Lil. On the cont'ry----
LILY.
No, I haven't done anything that's actually not nice, but-- fancy!----
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Close to LILY._] Fancy----?
LILY.
[_Opening her eyes widely._] Fancy my letting myself go with young
Farncombe as I did! _He-- he'd_ been admiring me from a distance for
weeks and weeks, but I'd scarcely noticed him till last night!
[_Leaning her head against MRS. UPJOHN, softly._] I-- I always thought
I was such a cold girl, mother, in-- in that way.
MRS. UPJOHN.
I s'pose it was wot's called love at first sight, Lil.
LILY.
[_Laughing shamefacedly._] Ha, ha, ha! [_Putting her feet to the
ground and shielding her face with her hands._] Oh, don't talk rot,
mother.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Moving away._] Any'ow, it's not too late, Lil-- even now----
LILY.
Not too late----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Behind the centre table._] To back out, dearie. The Captain couldn't
possibly 'old you to a 'asty promise given 'im between four an' five
in the mornin'.
LILY.
Oh! Oh, how _can_ you! I've passed my word to Nicko and I wouldn't
break it for twenty thousand pounds. [_Looking up._] Mother----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Fussing with the things upon the table._] Yes?
LILY.
[_Resolutely._] I'm going to pull Nicko _up_, mother. I've dragged him
down, and I mean to raise him. [_Clenching her hands._] So help me
God, I do!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Well, you've got a tough job before you, Lil, in my opinion.
LILY.
Perhaps; but I mean to succeed. [_After a pause._] Besides----
MRS. UPJOHN.
Besides----?
LILY.
[_Slowly._] I've told you-- Nicko or no Nicko-- I'm determined-- I'm
determined not to draw Eddie Farncombe into my net.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Into your _net_? [_Another pause._] Lil----
LILY.
Eh?
MRS. UPJOHN.
That's twice you've made use o' that remark. 'Oo's accused you----?
[_There is a lively rat-tat at the door on the left._] Come in!
[_The door opens and JIMMIE BIRCH bounces into the room._
JIMMIE.
[_As she closes the door._] Ah, Ma! Ah, Lillums!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Good mornin'.
JIMMIE.
[_Kissing MRS. UPJOHN._] Ha, ha! We've met before, this morning,
haven't we! [_Coming to LILY._] Well, dear old girl, and how are _you_
to-day? [_Kissing LILY and then eyeing her keenly._] A wreck?
LILY.
Rather.
JIMMIE.
I _ought_ to be, but I'm not. Directly I laid my pretty head on my
pillow I went off, and never stirred till I found the breakfast-tray
on my chest. [_Reckoning on her fingers._] Five to six-- six to
seven-- seven to eight-- eight to nine-- nine to ten-- ten to eleven.
I've had six hours; that's not so dusty. [_To LILY, slyly._] You
didn't sleep very soundly, probably?
LILY.
Not very.
JIMMIE.
[_Smiling from ear to ear._] Excited? [_LILY shrugs her shoulders.
There is a silence and then JIMMIE, still beaming, looks round and
sees that MRS. UPJOHN has seated herself upon the fauteuil-stool._]
May I sit down for a minute?
LILY.
Of course, Jimmie; do.
[_JIMMIE sits in the arm-chair by the centre table, awaiting some
communication which doesn't come. MRS. UPJOHN drums upon the table
with her fingers and LILY busies herself with re-arranging the
cushions on the settee._
JIMMIE.
[_After a while._] Hope I haven't dropped in too early?
LILY.
[_Settling her shoulders into the cushions._] Not a bit, dear.
JIMMIE.
It's nearly half-past twelve. I-- I _dashed_ round. [_After another
pause, unable to restrain herself further._] Any news? Any-any-anything
to tell me?
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Abruptly._] Yes.
JIMMIE.
W-w-what----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lil's engaged.
JIMMIE.
Hah! [_Triumphantly._] Hah, hah! [_Clapping her hands and beating her
feet upon the floor._] Hah, hah, hah, hah! [_Jumping up and sitting
beside LILY and hugging and kissing her._] Oh! Oh! Oh! Y'm! Y'm! Y'm!
Oh, you humbugs! [_Rising and rushing at MRS. UPJOHN and embracing
her._] You solemn humbug, Ma! [_Leaving MRS. UPJOHN and singing and
dancing to the refrain sung in the previous Act._] "If you would only,
only love me;--" Ha, ha, ha! "If you would merely, merely say,----"
[_Her voice gradually dying away as she sees that the expression on
LILY'S face, and upon MRS. UPJOHN'S, doesn't alter._] "Wait but a
little-- [_standing still_] little-- for me----"
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Caustically._] Yes, you _'ad_ better wait a little; you'd better
wait till you 'ear _'oo_ she's engaged _to_.
JIMMIE.
Who-- to!
LILY.
[_Studying her nails._] _Whom_ to, mother.
JIMMIE.
Why, isn't it----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
No, it ain't. It's the Captain.
JIMMIE.
T-t-the Cap--! [_To LILY._] N-n-nicko? [_LILY nods. JIMMIE draws a
deep breath._] Oh-h-h-h!
LILY.
[_Calmly._] Nicko turned up here early this morning-- while Eddie--
while Lord Farncombe was with me, in fact-- and I-- we-- the three of
us-- we talked matters over, and-- and----
JIMMIE.
[_Her eyes starting out of her head._] Was there a row?
LILY.
Oh, don't be so curious, Jimmie. Poor Nicko has been after me for six
years. A girl must play the game, if she's at all decent and wishes to
preserve a shred of self-respect.
[_Again there is a pause and then JIMMIE silently resumes her seat in
the arm-chair._
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Moistening her lips with her tongue-- to JIMMIE._] 'Ow do you feel
about it?
JIMMIE.
[_Thoughtfully._] How do I feel about it? [_To LILY._] May I say?
LILY.
[_Coldly._] Certainly.
JIMMIE.
[_Rubbing the arm of her chair with the palm of her hand._] Well, if I
were on board a ship at this moment, I should be ringing for the
stewardess; that's how I feel about it.
LILY.
[_Throwing herself, face downward, at full length upon the settee._]
Oh! Oh, you're just like the rest of our girls on the question of
marriage! You-- you-- you're detestable!
JIMMIE.
[_Sliding out of her chair and kneeling at the settee and putting an
arm round LILY._] Oh, Lil-- Lil----!
LILY.
[_Repulsing her._] Yes, you are! [_Raising herself upon her elbow._]
You'd rejoice to see me draw this boy into my net, wouldn't you! You
know you would. [_MRS. UPJOHN rises and comes forward._] I dare say
you jolly well wouldn't object to catching him yourself if you'd half
a chance! [_Fiercely._] You try it; you try it-- you, or any of you!
JIMMIE.
[_Attempting to rise, scandalised._] Oh----!
LILY.
[_Holding her._] No, no----! Jimmie----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lil, I'm perfec'ly ashamed of you, speakin' to Jimmie Birch in that
manner.
LILY.
[_Dropping her head on JIMMIE'S shoulder._] Oh----!
JIMMIE.
She doesn't mean it.
MRS. UPJOHN.
I 'ope not. It ain't exac'ly pleasant to 'ave a dog in the manger for
a daughter. [_To LILY._] Why _shouldn't_ young Farncombe turn 'is
attention to Miss Birch, pray, or to any young lady who doesn't object
to take your leavin's!
JIMMIE.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] H'sh, h'sh, h'sh!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Walking about._] No, I won't 'ush!
JIMMIE.
[_To LILY, quietly._] I'll come back in the afternoon.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lil seems to 'ave got some maggot or other in 'er brain about drawin'
Lord Farncombe into 'er _net_. Net indeed! [_JIMMIE, not heeding MRS.
UPJOHN, arranges LILY comfortably upon the settee and then rises and
smoothes out her skirt preparatory to departure._] As Lal Roper was
sayin' yesterday, our tiptop, aristocratic English fam'lies ought to
be 'xtremely grateful that strong, 'ealthy perfeshunals o' the class
of Miss 'Arker an' Miss Trevail an' Miss Shafto are enterin' their
ranks. An' if Lil chooses to be pig-'eaded enough----! [_JIMMIE makes
a movement towards MRS. UPJOHN._] 'Ave a bottle o' ginger beer before
you go. [_There is a prolonged, playful knocking at the door on the
left followed, on the part of those in the room, by a gloomy pause._]
That _is_ Lal.
LILY.
[_Groaning._] Oh-h-h-h!
JIMMIE.
[_Drawing a long face._] H'm!
LILY.
[_To JIMMIE._] Oh, Jimmie-- stay----!
[_The knocking is repeated. JIMMIE retreats to the right as MRS.
UPJOHN goes to the door and opens it. ROPER is outside._
ROPER.
[_Entering, in high spirits._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo!
[_Embracing MRS. UPJOHN._] Morning, Ma! [_Advancing._] Any _more_ bids
for the handsome gilt candelabra with the crystal drops? Ha, ha, ha!
[_To JIMMIE._] Morning, Jimmie! [_Looking down, upon LILY, eagerly._]
Well, Lil! Well, my pet!
LILY.
[_In a weary tone, giving him the tips of her fingers and then turning
upon her side with her face to the back of the settee._] How are you,
Uncle Lal?
ROPER.
[_Chilled._] Oh, I-- thank you, Lil-- [_After a short pause, to MRS.
UPJOHN-- glancing at LILY._] Not up to much to-day?
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Glumly._] No great shakes.
ROPER.
Dancing too hard, I 'spect.
MRS. UPJOHN.
A deal too 'ard.
ROPER.
[_After another pause._] Anything else amiss, Ma?
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Sitting upon the box-ottoman-- to JIMMIE, who is at the piano
examining some of the music._] _You_ tell Lal, Jimmie.
ROPER.
T-t-tell--? [_To JIMMIE, who comes to the settee-- apprehensively._]
Jimmie----!
JIMMIE.
[_Behind the settee, gravely._] No, the old Pandora isn't going to
score _this_ time, Lal.
ROPER.
Isn't going to--? I d-d-don't follow you.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Be plain, Jimmie.
JIMMIE.
[_Endeavouring to relieve the situation._] Ha, ha! Nature's taken
precious good care of that, in my case.
ROPER.
[_Angrily._] Now, look here, Jimmie! A jest is a capital thing in its
way. No man has a keener sense of humour than Lal Roper. But there
_are_ occasions when it's out o' place, and this is one of 'em, my
dear; and if it's not putting you to serious inconvenience----
JIMMIE.
[_Also losing her temper._] Oh, well, then, have it in the neck! Lil's
declined young Farncombe. There! And when _you_ crack a joke next, Mr.
Roper, I beg you'll contrive to favour us with a little variety;
[_flouncing away_] because you bore me pallid with your rotten
wheezes, and always have done.
ROPER.
[_Going to MRS. UPJOHN, aghast at the tidings._] Ma----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_To ROPER, under her breath._] Won't draw 'im into 'er net, Uncle.
ROPER.
Won't draw him into her----?
JIMMIE.
[_At the back._] K-n-e-double t-- net!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Pacifically._] Jimmie----!
JIMMIE.
[_Mimicking ROPER derisively._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo! Fresh
fish from the sea! Buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em on the beach; buy 'em
on the beach!
ROPER.
[_To JIMMIE, indignantly._] Jimmie Birch----!
JIMMIE.
[_Sitting upon the fauteuil-stool._] Ha, ha!
ROPER.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN, wiping his brow._] Of course, there is _this_ to be
said, Ma. [_Rallying at the idea._] It may be wise of dear Lil to
decline Farncombe _at first_. It-- it-- it-- it doesn't do for a girl,
does it, to appear to throw herself at _any_ man, let alone a young
fellow of the position-- the-- the-- the social status----!
LILY.
[_Suddenly sitting up and putting her feet to the floor again._] Oh,
for mercy's sake, cease discussing my affairs in my presence! [_To
MRS. UPJOHN._] Mother, why do you keep Uncle Lal in the dark? [_To
JIMMIE._] Jimmie, why don't _you_----?
ROPER.
In the dark!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Yes, Lal; your flyin' out at Jimmie over 'er 'armless joke stopped 'er
finishin'.
ROPER.
Finishing----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lil's not on'y refused young Farncombe but she's gone an' plighted
'erself to another individual.
ROPER.
Plighted herself----?
LILY.
[_Passionately._] To one of the best! To one of the best!
ROPER.
[_Stupefied._] Do I-- do I know him?
JIMMIE.
Ha!
LILY.
Know him! You know him sufficiently to have plotted and schemed to
prevent his being asked to the party last night.
JIMMIE.
[_To LILY._] Did Lal do that?
LILY.
_Did_ he!
JIMMIE.
Impudence!
ROPER.
[_Sitting in the arm-chair by the centre table-- quietly._] Jeyes!
JIMMIE.
Nicko.
LILY.
[_Firmly._] Nicko.
MRS. UPJOHN.
But the Captain _was_ at the party last night notwithstandin'.
JIMMIE.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Nonsense, Ma!
LILY.
Yes, Nicko managed to get into the theatre somehow or other.
JIMMIE.
[_To LILY._] And watched you and young Farncombe----!
LILY.
And stationed himself under the portico of Twenty seven, to see who
brought me home.
JIMMIE.
Oh----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
'E's always been frightfully jealous, the Captain 'as.
JIMMIE.
[_Looking at ROPER._] Oh, so _really_ it's entirely owing to Lal
Roper's interference that matters were brought to a head this morning!
LILY.
[_Her eyes flashing._] Entirely.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Joining in the attack upon ROPER._] Yes, if Lal 'ad been content to
mind 'is own business----
JIMMIE.
And hadn't meddled----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
_An'_ muddled----!
JIMMIE.
Things might have gone on much the same as before.
MRS. UPJOHN.
An' might 'ave ended different.
LILY.
[_Rising and walking away to the right._] Ah, no, mother----!
JIMMIE.
[_Rising and joining LILY._] Certainly they might.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Rising._] Any'ow I 'ope it'll be a lesson to Lal----
JIMMIE.
_Do_ you, Ma!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Moving over to the girls._] Not to put 'is fingers into other
people's pies.
JIMMIE.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN, with a withering glance at ROPER._] Oh, you _are_
sanguine!
ROPER.
[_Rising and straightening himself out._] Ma-- Mrs. Upjohn-- Lily----
JIMMIE.
[_Scornfully._] Hullo, hullo, hullo, hul-lo----!
ROPER.
[_To JIMMIE._] P'sh! [_Impressively._] Ma-- Lily-- for years-- longer
than it's agreeable to count-- I've been a patron of the drama--
particularly musical comedy, of which I've studied the development
with especial interest.
JIMMIE.
[_Resting her elbows upon the back of the settee._] Yes, you've
studied a lot of development, Lal, in your day.
ROPER.
[_Ignoring JIMMIE._] It's been a fad with me; I put it no higher than
that. [_Producing his gloves._] But I've devoted time to it----
JIMMIE.
Any amount.
ROPER.
[_Drawing a glove on._] Often to the neglect of my ventures in the
City. Here I am _now_, for instance.
JIMMIE.
That's obvious.
ROPER.
And-- I frankly admit it-- I've had more than one serious dispute with
_Mrs._ Roper on the subject. [_JIMMIE softly whistles a few bars of
"Rule, Britannia."_] Yesterday, by a coincidence-- [_feeling the
outside of his breast-pocket_] letter from the wife-- full o'
complaints-- haven't been to Bexhill, to her and the kids, for weeks.
And to do Ellen Roper justice, she's not the woman to grumble without
cause. [_Picking up his hat and cane which he has placed upon the
centre table._] Dash it all, home ties _are_ home ties! [_Polishing
his hat with his sleeve._] And, taking one consideration with
another-- and after this-- this occurrence-- it's my intention for the
future-- my firm intention----
LILY.
[_Running to ROPER and throwing her arms around his neck._] Oh, Uncle
Lal, not altogether! We're tired and cross this morning! Not
altogether!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Behind the centre table._] No, no, Uncle, you mustn't----!
LILY.
[_To ROPER._] Forgive us! [_Coaxingly._] Mother and Jimmie are
cats----!
MRS. UPJOHN AND JIMMIE.
Oh----!
[_The door on the left opens, and GLADYS enters with a card on a
salver._
GLADYS.
[_Advancing to LILY._] Are you _in_?
LILY.
In?
GLADYS.
[_Surveying LILY with mingled disdain and pity._] Oh you _do_ look
washed out!
LILY.
[_Going to GLADYS._] Never you mind whether I look washed out or not.
Who is it?
[_LILY takes the card, reads some writing upon it, and stands
twiddling the card in her fingers._
GLADYS.
They're in the dining-room.
LILY.
[_To GLADYS, after a pause._] W-wait outside-- on the landing.
GLADYS.
Oh, all right. _This_ won't get my silver cleaned.
[_GLADYS withdraws. LILY waits for the door to close and then walks
about distractedly._
LILY.
Oh, why can't they leave me alone! What do they want with me now, both
of them!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Moving towards LILY._] 'Oo----?
LILY.
Nicko's downstairs-- with Lord Farncombe.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Lord Farncombe----!
ROPER.
And Jeyes!
LILY.
[_Reading the card again._] Nicko asks me to see him and the boy
together. [_ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN go to LILY, one on each side of her,
and try to read the card. She pushes them from her and sits in the
arm-chair by the centre table._] I won't; I won't.
JIMMIE.
[_Joining MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER._] Yes, yes, Lil; do.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Bewildered._] Wot----?
JIMMIE.
Perhaps they've arrived at a friendly understanding----!
ROPER.
Understanding?
JIMMIE.
[_Excitedly._] And have come to propose that Lil should choose between
them!
ROPER.
Great Scot----!
LILY.
I _have_ chosen; I _have_ chosen. It's settled.
ROPER.
_Undoubtedly_ she ought to see them.
LILY.
It's a shame to persecute me so-- a shame!
JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
[_Behind LILY'S chair._] Lil! Lily----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Give 'em a minute, dear.
ROPER.
Hear what they've got to _say_.
JIMMIE.
It _would_ be uncivil _not_ to.
LILY.
Oh--! Oh----!
JIMMIE. }
Buck up, Lil! }
ROPER. } [_To LILY, urgently._]
My pet! }
MRS. UPJOHN. }
'Ark to reason, dearie. }
JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
Lil! Lily----!
LILY.
[_Yielding helplessly._] Oh, very well----
JIMMIE, MRS. UPJOHN, AND ROPER.
Ah----!
LILY.
Tell Gladys-- when I ring----
JIMMIE.
[_Flying to the door on the left._] I'll tell her.
ROPER.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN, importantly._] Lucky I was on the spot; lucky I was
on the spot.
JIMMIE.
[_On the landing, to GLADYS._] Bring the gentlemen up when Miss Lily
rings.
LILY.
[_Rising and pacing the room on the right._] Give me some stockings!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Hurrying into the bedroom._] Yes, dearie. [_As she disappears._]
Maud----!
JIMMIE.
[_Returning and closing the door and then whispering to ROPER._] Bet
my boots that's it!
ROPER.
[_To JIMMIE, in a whisper._] Choose between 'em!
JIMMIE.
What else can it be?
ROPER.
_I_ can't----
JIMMIE.
[_Throwing herself into ROPER'S arms._] Oh, if it _is_!
ROPER.
[_Hugging her._] Oh----!
JIMMIE.
[_Suddenly, releasing herself._] Oh----! [_Haughtily._] Thought you
were Lily.
[_MRS. UPJOHN returns, carrying a pair of stockings. LILY seats
herself upon the fauteuil-stool where, concealed by the centre table,
she draws on the stockings with MRS. UPJOHN'S assistance._
LILY.
[_Whimpering._] Oh--! Oh----!
MRS. UPJOHN.
Don't, dearie; don't. Mother's _'ere_.
ROPER.
[_Impatiently._] I-- ah-- I think I'll run downstairs and shake hands
with Jeyes and Farncombe while Lily's tidying herself.
JIMMIE.