1. _The first requisite in a companion for life is piety._ I know not
how a Christian can form so intimate a connection as this with one who
is living in rebellion against God. You profess to love Jesus above
every other object; and to forsake all, that you may follow him. How,
then, could you unite your interest with one who continually rejects and
abuses the object of your soul's delight? Indeed, I am at a loss to
understand how a union can be formed between the carnal and the renewed
heart. They are in direct opposition to each other. The one overflows
with love to God; the other is at enmity against him. How, then, can
there be any congeniality of feeling? Can fire unite with water? A
desire to form such a union must be a dark mark against any one's
Christian character. The Scriptures are very clear and decided on this
point. The intermarrying of the righteous with the wicked was the
principal cause of the general corruption of the inhabitants of the old
world, which provoked God to destroy them with the flood. Abraham, the
father of the faithful, was careful that Isaac, the son of promise,
should not take a wife from among the heathen. The same precaution was
taken by Isaac and Rebecca, in relation to Jacob. The children of Israel
were also expressly forbidden to make marriages with the heathen, lest
they should be turned away from the Lord, to the worship of idols. And
we see a mournful example of the influence of such unholy connections in
the case of Solomon. Although he had been so zealous in the service of
the Lord as to build him a temple--although he had even been inspired to
write portions of the Holy Scriptures--yet his strange wives turned away
his heart, and persuaded him to worship idols. Although we are now under
a different dispensation, yet _principles_ remain the same. The union of
a heathen and a Jew was, as to its effect on a pious mind, substantially
the same as the union of a believer and an unbeliever; and the former
would be no more likely to be drawn away from God by it than the latter.
Hence we find the same principle recognized in the New Testament. The
apostle Paul, speaking of the woman, says, "If her husband be dead, she
is at liberty to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord." The
phrase _in the Lord_, denotes being a true Christian; as will appear
from other passages where the same form of expression is used. "If any
man be _in Christ_, he is a new creature." It is plainly implied, then,
in this qualifying phrase, that it is unlawful for a Christian to marry
an unbeliever. The same doctrine is also taught by the same apostle in
another place. "Be not ye, therefore, unequally yoked with unbelievers."
In this passage the apostle lays down a general principle; which applies
to all intimate associations with unbelievers. And what connection could
be more intimate than this? I conclude, therefore, that it is contrary
both to reason and Scripture for a Christian to marry an impenitent
sinner. And, in this respect, look not only for an outward profession,
but for evidence of deep-toned and devoted piety. The are many
professors of religion who show very few signs of spiritual life. And
there are doubtless many that make loud professions of religious
experience, who know nothing of the power of godliness. Look for a
person who makes religion the chief concern of his life; who is
determined to live for God, and not for himself. Make this the test.
Worldly-minded professors of religion are worse associates than those
who make no profession. They exert a more withering influence upon the
soul.
2. _Another indispensable requisite is an_ AMIABLE DISPOSITION. Whatever
good qualities a man may possess, if he is selfish, morose, sour,
peevish, fretful, jealous, or passionate, he will make an uncomfortable
companion. Grace may do much towards subduing these unholy tempers; yet,
if they were fostered in the heart in childhood, and suffered to grow up
to maturity before grace began to work, they will often break out in the
family circle. However, you will find it exceedingly difficult to judge
in this matter. The only direction I can give on this subject is, that,
if you discover the exercise of any unhallowed passions in a man, with
the opportunity you will have of observation, you may consider it
conclusive evidence of a disposition which would render you miserable.
3. _The person of your choice must possess a_ WELL-CULTIVATED MIND. In
order to produce a community of feeling, and maintain a growing
interest in each other's society, both parties must possess minds well
stored with useful knowledge, and capable of continued expansion. We may
love an ignorant person for his piety; but we cannot long enjoy his
society, as a constant companion, unless that piety is mingled with
intelligence. To secure your esteem, as well as your affections, he must
be capable of intelligent conversation on all subjects of general
interest.
4. _His sentiments and feelings on general subjects must be_ CONGENIAL
_with your own._ This is a very important matter. Persons of great
worth, whose views and feelings, in relation to the common concerns of
life are opposite, may render each other very unhappy. Particularly, if
you possess a refined sensibility yourself, you must look for delicacy
of feeling in a companion. A very worthy man may render you unhappy, by
an habitual disregard of your feelings. And there are many persons who
seem to be utterly insensible to the tender emotions of refined
delicacy. A man who would subject you to continual mortification by his
coarseness and vulgarity, would be incapable of sympathizing with you in
all the varied trials of life. There is no need of your being deceived
on this point. If you have much delicacy of feeling yourself, you can
easily discover the want of it in others. If you have not, it will not
be necessary in a companion.
5. _Another requisite is_ ENERGY OF CHARACTER. Most people think some
worldly prospects are indispensably necessary. But a man of energy can,
by the blessing of God, make his way through this world, and support a
family, in this land of plenty, by his own industry, in some lawful
calling. And you may be certain of the blessing of God, if you obey and
trust him. A profession or calling, pursued with energy, is therefore
all the estate you need require. But do not trust yourself with a man
who is inefficient in all his undertakings. This would be leaning upon a
broken staff.
6. _The person of your choice must be_ NEARLY OF YOUR OWN AGE. Should
he be younger than yourself you will be tempted to look upon him as an
inferior; and old age will overtake you first. I should suppose the idea
of marrying a man advanced in years would be sufficiently revolting to
the feelings of a young female to deter her from it. Yet such things
often happen. But I consider it as contravening the order of nature, and
therefore improper. In such case, you will be called upon rather to
perform the office of a daughter and nurse, than a wife.