Some young persons indulge a fastidiousness of feeling, in relation to
the subject of marriage, as though it were indelicate to speak of it.
Others make it the principal subject of their thoughts and conversation;
yet they seem to think it must never be mentioned but in jest. But both
these extremes should be avoided. Marriage is an ordinance of God, and
therefore a proper subject of thought and discussion, with reference to
personal duty. But it is a matter of great importance, having a direct
hearing upon the glory of God, and the happiness of individuals. It
should, therefore, never be approached with levity. But, as it requires
no more attention than what is necessary in order to understand present
duty, it would be foolish to make it a subject of constant thought, and
silly to make it a common topic of conversation. It is a matter which
should be weighed deliberately and seriously by every young person. In
reference to the main subject, two things should be considered:
I. _Marriage is desirable._ It was ordained by the Lord, at the
creation, as suited to the state of man as a social being, and necessary
to the design for which he was created. Whoever, therefore, wilfully
neglects it, contravenes the order of nature, and must consequently
expect a diminution of those enjoyments which arise from the social
state. There is a sweetness and comfort in the bosom of one's own
family, which can be enjoyed nowhere else. In early life, this is
supplied by our youthful companions, who feel in unison with us. But, as
a person who remains single advances in life, the friends of his youth
form new attachments, in which he is incapable of participating. Their
feelings undergo a change, of which he knows nothing. He is gradually
left alone. No heart beats in unison with his own. His social feelings
wither for want of an object. As he feels not in unison with those
around him, his habits also become peculiar, and perhaps repulsive; so
that his company is not desired: hence arises the whimsical attachment
of such persons to domestic animals, or to other objects which can be
enjoyed in solitude. As the dreary winter of age advances, the solitude
of his condition becomes still more chilling. Nothing but that sweet
resignation to the will of God which religion gives, under all
circumstances, can render such a situation tolerable. But religion does
not annihilate the social affections. It only regulates them. It is
evident, then, that by a lawful and proper exercise of these affections,
both our happiness and usefulness may be greatly increased.
II. _On the other hand, do not consider marriage as absolutely essential
to happiness._ Although it is an ordinance of God, yet he has not
absolutely enjoined it upon all. You _may_, therefore, be in the way of
duty while neglecting it. And the apostle Paul hints that there may be,
with those who enter into this state, a greater tendency of the heart
towards earthly objects. There is also an increase of care. "The
unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy
both in body and spirit; but she that is married, careth for the things
of the world, how she may please her husband." But much more has been
made of this than the apostle intended. It has been greatly abused and
perverted by the church of Rome. It must be observed that, in the same
chapter, he advises that "every man have his own wife, and every woman
have her own husband." And, whatever may be our condition in life, if
we seek it with earnestness and perseverance, in the way of duty, God
will give us grace sufficient for the day. But he says, though it is no
sin to marry, nevertheless, "such shall have trouble in the flesh." It
is undoubtedly true, that the enjoyments of conjugal life have their
corresponding difficulties and trials; and if these are enhanced by an
unhappy connection, the situation is insufferable. For this reason I
would have you avoid the conclusion that marriage is indispensable to
happiness. Single life is certainly to be preferred to a connection with
a person who will diminish, instead of increasing, your happiness.
However, the remark of the apostle, "such shall have trouble in the
flesh," doubtless had reference chiefly to the peculiar troubles of the
times, when Christians were exposed to persecution, the loss of goods,
and even of life itself, for Christ's sake; the trials of which would
be much greater in married than in single life.
Having these two principles fixed in your mind, you will be prepared
calmly to consider what qualifications are requisite in a companion for
life. These I shall divide into two classes: 1. Those which are
_indispensable_. 2. Those which are _desirable_. Of the first class, I
see none which can be dispensed with, without so marring the character
of a man as to render him an unfit associate for an intelligent
Christian lady. But, although the latter are very important, yet,
without possessing all of them, a person may be an agreeable companion
and a man of real worth.