Marriage [continued].
The Wife.
Young ladies, why do you marry? Through infancy, childhood and
adolescence you have been watched over most tenderly and cared for most
lovingly; you have been protected and educated, and have been made as
happy under the paternal roof as circumstances would allow; and this
very book has been written largely on _your_ account. It has been the
custom from time immemorial, as it always will be, for girls to complete
their education and then to marry. But alas! how very few seem to
realize what married life really is and what will be expected in it;
what its duties and responsibilities are, or even what leads to
marriage. But to the question why do you even think of getting married?
The answer is, "Because it is inherent in the mind of every true female
character. It was ordained of God in her creation, spiritually,
mentally, and physically--from her inmost being to her complete
ultimation. It was in the very design of her creation that she should
love and be loved, that she should be sought after by the male sex, and
that she should become a wife and mother."
First, let us understand what "marriage" signifies. The word itself
has the same meaning as the Latin word _conjugium_ and represents
a conjunction or union together. Carried out to its higher or more
interior meaning, marriage signifies the joining of good and truth--the
"good" being represented by the woman and "truth" being represented by
the man. Hence it denotes the spiritual conjunction of minds, and thence
of bodies, in contradistinction to the merely natural conjunction or
joining together of bodies only. So, to secure a real marriage, there
must be a spiritual conjunction of minds; and the conjunction of bodies
in wedlock is simply the ultimation, or manifestation of spiritual
principles in marriage.
The true reason why girls marry is because they have an innate principle
of love for the male sex; and this love is drawn from the Lord above.
Consequently, it is pure, chaste, and when fully developed, very
powerful. In connection with this principle comes the desire to be
sought after and loved by a man of congenial character for whose dear
sake a woman is induced to leave father and mother, brothers and
sisters, to become the wife of him whom she can claim as her own dear
husband. This Heaven-born principle is what leads and induces the female
to assent to the marriage relation. For her own sake, for his sake as
well as for the sake of all parties concerned, this step should be taken
very carefully and only after mature consideration. Once married, there
is no escape from its lifelong duties and responsibilities. She must
yield to him whatever the marriage vow allows, that she may become a
_wife_ in the fullest sense of the term. Marriage is a sacred relation,
instituted by God Himself, and the sexual approach which follows between
husband and wife, is a special avowal of their relation to each other;
and so often as it is repeated it is a renewal of their obligations to
be faithful to each other. All sexuality is in the order of creation
and, coming from the Lord, serves for high and holy purposes. It was
_never_ intended for mere carnal pleasure; as such, it is the
profanation and perversion of a great boon to the human race. The man or
woman who perverts it must and will, sooner or later, suffer a penalty
equal to the transgression.
The husband rightfully expects to find in his wife, as a seal of the
marriage covenant, his greatest possible delight. It should be her
greatest delight to give him that pleasure; and if she loves her husband
according to her avowal, she will not fail to do this. The feeling, each
of the other's nearness--in thought, word and act, as though each one
were intertwined with the other in the most complete union, is a very
great delight; even indescribably great. The sexual act itself is really
a type of the perfect harmony in which the married pair should dwell
throughout their lives. It teaches a mutual yielding so that the
honeymoon, rising so beautifully and lovingly, may continue to wax
lighter and brighter and its fullness be attained in this world only at
the dissolution, by a natural death, of a union so orderly and happily
formed. It is in the very nature of the male to seek his mate; it is an
inborn principle for him to do so, and his health, even his life,
certainly his moral life, often depends upon an orderly and lawful
indulgence of what this inherent principle demands. The greatest
longevity and the best health are found among fathers and mothers;
thereby proving that orderly and well-regulated sexual intercourse is
just as necessary to the married couple as are the functional demands of
all other organs of the body. From the foregoing it may be plainly
inferred, that, if the wife of a chaste young man who has duly guarded
himself from his childhood up, until he has sought and wedded his mate,
fails to reciprocate cheerfully and pleasantly in the seal of connubial
affection, she proves a bitter disappointment to him. Not that he is
carnal, gross or beastly, no! The principle given him by his Creator and
residing in his pure and inmost soul has been violated by her in whom he
placed his life's confidence; she has proved _false_ to him in this
particular, one upon which their present and eternal welfare so largely
depends. Young ladies about to marry should be taught to understand this
matter most fully, in all its bearings. If they pervert marriage in
false practices, the love of God, conjugal love, and the love of
infants, the three holiest and noblest inspirations of life, perish
together. No woman then should ever marry without a full knowledge of
her duties to her husband, particularly in the sexual respect; for
without granting this privilege to her husband in full and free accord,
there _cannot_ be maintained a happy married life.
_The duties of marriage_, as a topic, embrace a vast field of thought;
and there is _so much_ to say thereon, so much advice to tender, so many
absolute commands to enjoin, so many warnings to utter, that it is with
difficulty I restrain myself from launching out diffusely in an attempt
to give the most important of these. But to so specifically particularize
is not the purpose of this book. Enough is said herein, I trust, to set
the reflective mind to thinking seriously on these matters and thereby
to awaken the conscience to a full sense of its duties. Quite too many
cases have come under my observation where the marriage vow has never
been consummated or, if consummated at all, in a very begrudging manner,
owing to the insubordination of the wife. Consequently dissatisfaction,
unhappiness and frequently a permanent separation follows, bringing
disgrace upon the family and scandal to their circle of friends. This is
not only wrong, but it is a most unpardonable vice. Sexuality has been
ordained by God in his wisdom as the means of creation. It exists
throughout all nature, in every tree, plant and shrub, in every animal
and insect; in every bird that flies, in every fish that swims, in every
man and woman. The very best and purest of husbands and wives, all the
world over, indulge in sexuality to their united satisfaction, in full
acknowledgment that it is of God and from God. Every wife who is
unreasonable or derelict in this _duty_ is untrue to her husband and
commits a sin against the God of Heaven and earth. Since, then,
sexuality is so evidently of Divine appointment, it should be committed
entirely to him in its effects.[I]
[I] See "In Health." By Dr. A. J. Ingersoll, Corning, N. Y.
If at any time the act prove fruitful and a child be born, it should be
considered as a great blessing and gift from God Himself. What is more
beautiful than to see a married couple engaged in rearing a new human
being destined to become an angel in Heaven! For this indeed is the
prime object of sexuality and of the marriage covenant. As has been well
said, life on earth is Heaven's seminary. And yet, so many wives, to
their shame be it said, use preventives to conception, thus attempting
to controvert the order of Nature and Nature's God; this is one of the
greatest crimes of the present age and vengeance will surely be taken on
every transgressor in this sacred matter. Such practice is secret vice
which little by little wears upon the inmost vital principle until the
perpetrators of such wrongs suffer untold misery in their physical
nature--often not even suspecting the cause of such sufferings.
"But there is yet another reason, and a very strong moral one, why the
wife should not remain childless. There can be no question that the
blood of the father mingles with that of the mother through the medium
of the child _in utero_. (Hence the transmission of blood-diseases from
husband to wife.) Hence the indelible impressions made upon a wife by
the father of her offspring--impressions, both mental and physical,
which by character or resemblance she often transmits to her children by
a second husband. Now, * * * * may not this account for the similarity
of character and identity of tastes, and, indeed, for that wonderful
personal resemblance, which sometimes develops between husband and wife?
And does not this requisite alone fulfil the Divine interpretation of
marriage, that 'they are no more twain but one flesh?'"[J]
[J] Wm. Goodell, M. D., "Lessons in Gynecology," P. 442.
After marriage a new order of life is entered upon by the wife, and her
family matters should subordinate all other schemes and projects of her
future existence. Her main thought and study should now be, "How can I
best fulfil these new duties and responsibilities? First, my dear
husband! how can I be a true help-meet to him? Here we two are to be
one, a new _punctum saliens_, and every act of ours will bear the image
of our united lives. No matter what may happen, I will be true to my
matrimonial vow and to my God; for I am in His hands and my dear
husband's." A married life begun in this way, with such resolutions
sincerely and studiously kept, will secure a life full of happiness and
privileges beyond the fondest hope and expectation. When pregnancy
occurs, just as soon as the fact be suspected, the little embryo should
be regarded as already a member of the family. Every act of each parent
should now be performed in some degree with reference to the forth-coming
infant. The mother's thoughts particularly should be directed to it as
much as possible whilst performing the uses of life. She should read
much that is elevating and ennobling in character as this serves a good
purpose in producing a more perfect, more healthy and more brilliant
child. Let her read such books as "Elements of Character" by Miss
Chandler; "Growth of the Mind" by S. Reed; "Sex in Education" by E. H.
Clarke, M. D.; also, "Wear and Tear" by S. Weir Mitchell, M. D.; and any
other books of like character. Do not forget that the education of the
child begins _in utero_.
During gestation the mother should subsist as far as possible upon
fruit, vegetables and a farinaceous diet--always plain and without
spices. Plenty of active exercise is indispensable and the use of a
"Health Lift" will be found most beneficial. When the nine months are
completed, under care of a competent physician, the birth of the child
will be accomplished with but comparatively little pain, and its
attendant dangers and difficulties will be greatly lessened.