Marriage.
The Husband.
"And JEHOVAH GOD said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I
will make him a help meet for him. * * * * And JEHOVAH GOD brought the
woman unto the man. And the man said, This is now bone of my bones and
flesh of my flesh. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his
mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one
flesh."--Gen. ii. 18, 22-24.
"The marriage of one man with one woman is therefore designed in our
very creation by Him who made us. The love which brings them together
and binds them together, flows into their minds from the Divine Love,
from the love which has operated hitherto, and which now operates, in
creating and forming a Heaven of human beings."
All young men, on arriving at the age of twenty-five, other
circumstances being favorable, should conform to the laws of Divine
order and marry. "Whom shall we marry? Young ladies now-a-days require
such an outfit and it costs so much to support a wife in the style she
wishes to live, or has been accustomed to, that, to say nothing of the
extra expense of children, we cannot afford to marry." This is a wrong
view to take, because pomp, style and show _are not the true objects of
marriage_! The married state is a duty and a great privilege, while its
uses are of the highest possible order physically, mentally and
spiritually. The love which brings the two together and which should
bind them together, requires only a comfortable home of respectable
appearance. Young married people should begin like young married people;
it is more orderly and more conducive to the welfare and true happiness
of each that, as time passes on, they build up their fortunes together,
each helping the other--thus affording new charms that no other course
will or can yield.
In the choice of a wife, a man should especially seek _congeniality_. He
should make the acquaintance of a young lady living and moving in the
same sphere of life as his own, such as is congenial to his tastes; he
should see her in company with other young people and observe how she
treats them; and particularly notice how she acts towards her father
and mother, brothers and sisters: for a good daughter and sister always
makes a good wife. Study closely her character, her mental discipline,
her tastes in reading and her mode of life generally. Above all, note
her disposition as to selfishness, whether she be determined and bent
upon having her own way in everything, or whether she is yielding and
thoughtful of the comfort and happiness of her associates. Remember that
in the married state there must be a mutual yielding to each other,
though not the sinking of the wife's identity, so that the combined life
of the two may become one harmonious whole. Observe what she thinks of
children and get her opinion as to how they should be brought up and
educated. Be sure that she is one who can be loved most tenderly, one
for whom a man can make any sacrifice in reason for her sake--for whom
one can deny himself any comfort, any and every passion, brave any
danger, and conquer every difficulty in his power, to make her life
happy and useful. One quality: Is she strictly virtuous? Is she chastity
itself in thought, word and deed? If you, young man, have been the same,
if you have held yourself in by "bit and bridle," as it were,--then, if
she reciprocates your love, you are at liberty to propose marriage to
her.
Before marriage, a young man takes great pains to make himself
attractive, is very attentive and polite, keeps up a genteel appearance
and is civility itself, that he may woo and win the young lady most
nearly approaching his ideal of feminine perfection, and the one most
nearly suited to his tastes and congeniality. After marriage he feels
that she is his, that she has pledged herself to this effect; and the
law has so decided; she is his, as he is hers, irrevocably. Now, young
man, do you mean to be loyal, to be her real husband until death
dissolves the allegiance? Then let nothing cool your ardor. Be as
watchful as when you were her wooer and even more so. Let nothing induce
you to swerve from your duty, to violate your vow or to betray your
trust. But ever be faithful and true. So may you be accounted worthy of
her choice as a husband and worthy to be enrolled among the respected
and honored fathers in our land. Heavier responsibilities rest upon you
now than before marriage. Your wife must be protected, supported and
cared for in every possible way, and you need to be even more careful to
retain her love than you were to win it. You are under heavy
responsibilities to your relatives and the community in which you live,
that your united lives bear such fruit as will be to all a delight.
Together, in your unity, you form as it were a tree; your united lives
throw out branches and leaves, buds and blossoms, and finally fruit in
its season; and every tree is known by its fruit. Bearing in mind the
high duties to which as a husband and a father you are called, seek not
to live for carnal pleasures. You have struggled manfully with yourself
and the world and have come up to this stage of your life pure and
uncontaminated; and that love which brought you two together, now flows
into your united lives from the Divine Love. Let that love continually
operate through you unitedly in creating new human beings who shall
ultimately serve to swell the grand army of the Angelic hosts in Heaven.
Some well-meaning and otherwise apparently good husbands, but not true,
form habits of staying from their homes during their leisure hours,
particularly in the evenings. They visit club houses, billiard rooms or
other places of amusement, leaving their wives at home. Such absences
distress a wife greatly, though her love often restrains any expression
of disapproval. These habits increase, she suffers more and more, loses
sleep on his account and her health fails. The husband's dissipations
grow upon him--all such desertions are dissipations when they become
habitual--until he loses all relish for the company of his faithful wife
and for the caresses of his young and lovely children, until finally to
stay at home a single evening is a restraint and unhappiness to him.
Where now is the plighted faith! Where now is the tree, its branches and
leaves with their buds and blossoms, and what is the fruit? Where now is
that pure love which he promised when they became united and which
should forever bind them together, and who has almost severed that love?
Has not the little that remains become merely carnal, on his part at
least? Where is that union of mind and communion of soul that lifts one
above sensualism; and without which, sensualism is the only link and
quality left to keep the two together, until death dissolves the union?