Marriage [concluded].
Husband and Wife.
To preserve the marriage vow inviolate, the same pure love that brought
the two together should be cultivated by home uses and home amusements
such as readings, games, conversation, etc. If the wife have needle
work, let the husband read or talk to her; if he be a literary man, let
her presence cheer him on and inspire him to nobler and more refined
productions. What was done during courtship that made time pass so
rapidly and so pleasantly? Was every topic so discussed and used up that
nothing is now left for an exchange of views? Is carnal pleasure to be
the only binding tie? Such a life is not very pure and only a poor use
can be made of it. Topics of interest to a married pair should be
innumerable and their pleasures inexhaustible. Home is the soil in which
the tree is to grow; and the richer the soil, the better for the tree,
and the more numerous will be the branches, all of them vigorously
developing buds and leaves, blossoms and fruit, which will be most
fragrant, beautiful and useful. When amusement outside of home is sought
let it be, as far as possible, of a nature that both may enjoy it
equally.
Husband and Wife! He, being of larger mould in every particular, in
head, chest, and all the vital organs, is the provider, the protector,
the guardian of his home; he, the masculine, or representative of the
Truth, is to lead the way in conducting home or business affairs. She,
the feminine, or representative of the Good, inclines to the good way
continually; and, as married partners, Good and Truth should be married
in them. There cannot be a true evil way nor a good false way; there can
only be a true good way and a good true way. So the wife, the good, must
conjoin herself to her husband, the truth, in order that every truth may
result in good; and the husband, the truth, should seek to be conjoined
to the wife, the good, that every good may become true. In this there is
much wisdom: if the husband be truly wise he will always be sure that
all his projects are tempered with good; while if the wife be truly
good, all her doings will be enlightened by truth. As hand in hand they
thus go through life's planning and doing, the husband will always be
assisted by his good, the wife; and the wife will be led on in good by
her truth, the husband. By taking this high and holy ground, there will
be experienced pleasure and happiness by the married couple, far
transcending all other modes of life in existence. Then will each and
every organ in the body be seen to have a fitness, a place, and a use
which could not possibly be dispensed with, because, each and all these
organs have an originating cause in the mental and spiritual parts of
mankind, from which they proceed and from which they exist. Thus we see
how wrong, how frightfully wrong it is to abuse, or pervert the use of,
_any_ of these physical organs which are so sacred and so important to
the welfare of the human family. "Dishonor the body, the temple of the
soul, and you dishonor the soul." "If any man defile the temple of God,
him will God destroy."--I. Cor. 3:17.
When married, the battle for one united and harmonious life really
begins. The wife's great and supreme love for her husband personally,
will allow many privileges which under other circumstances her timidity
and chastity would refuse. Tenderly and with great consideration should
these privileges be accepted. For, contrary to the opinion of many men,
there is no sexual passion on the part of the bride that induces her to
grant such liberties. Then how exquisitely gentle and how forbearing
should be the bridegroom's deportment on such occasions! Sometimes such
a shock is administered to her sensibilities that she does not recover
from it for years; and in consequence of this shock, rudely or
thoughtlessly administered, she forms a deeply rooted antipathy against
the very act which is the bond and seal of a truly happy married life.
These sexual unions serve to bring the married pair into a perfectly
harmonious relation to each other. And just as tenderly, lovingly and
harmoniously should they join in each and all the daily uses of life
which they are called upon to perform. The sexual relation is among the
most important uses of married life; it vivifies the affections for each
other, as nothing else in this world can, and is a powerful reminder of
their mutual obligations to one another and to the community in which
they live. Indulgence, however, should not be too frequent, lest it
debilitate the pair and undermine their health. The bridegroom and
husband should carefully watch over his bride and wife to see that she
is not a sufferer and should govern himself accordingly. It is better
that these renewed obligations should be made at stated periods, as man
is governed so much by habit. As a rule, once or twice a week, or in
some cases once in two weeks, is sufficient; but once a week will
suffice in many cases for healthful purposes. During the menstrual flow
there should be an entire cessation of the conjugal act. When pregnancy
occurs it is in most cases, more healthful and better for the expectant
mother to allow intercourse at regular times, very gently, throughout
her gestation.
The object of marriage is the ultimation of that love which brings the
two together and binds them together, in the procreation and rearing of
children for Heaven. This is the only true aim and sole object about
which every earthly desire, interest and plan of the married pair should
cluster.
_As to the question of child-bearing._ No greater crime in the sight
of Heaven exists to-day than that of perverting the natural uses of
marriage. This is done in a great variety of ways, every one of which
is criminal, in whatever form practised; and none will escape the
penalty--no, not one. Nature's laws are inexorable; every transgression
thereof is surely punished, even at the _climacteric period_, if not
before. The questions of failing health, of physical inability, or too
frequent conceptions are matters for the investigation, advice and
decision of an experienced, judicious and upright physician. They should
never be taken in hand and judged upon by the parties themselves. And
to the objection "can't afford to have children; they cost too much," I
have faith enough to reply, "Our Heavenly Father never sends more mouths
than he can feed." Let each one do his and her duty in life and this
cavil falls to the ground like water--which, when spilled, cannot be
gathered up.
Good people everywhere rejoice when they behold a married couple living
together in an orderly manner and rearing a large family of children.
How often is Queen Victoria held up as a pattern of excellence in this
respect: she accepted and acknowledged Prince Albert as her husband and
gave herself to him as his wife; and so indeed she was in every sense of
the term. Although a Queen, sitting on the pinnacle of power, she did
not seek to avoid the pangs, the dangers or inconveniences of
child-bearing. By her own personal strength her twelve children were
brought forth and her own sensitive fibres and tissues felt the
suffering. She nursed, caressed and loved them like a good mother and
she was a _royal mother_! Other kings and queens have done likewise;
other husbands and wives, high in power, wealth and fashion have done
and are still doing the same. And how much the less should we, in the
humbler walks of life, obey the Divine command "Be fruitful and
multiply."
If a husband truly loves his wife and if she truly loves him, they will
live for each other and in each other, and they will be one; and they
will seek to do right in every particular of their marital relation.
To apply to life the truths advanced above and to realize them, will
require great effort by the parties in question. This manner of life
will not come of itself; it is too good to come without working for.
Mutual concessions must be made daily, and several times a day; one's
own way must frequently be given up, and always when discovered to
be a selfish way, because the mutual good is always to be consulted.
Questions of importance should be discussed freely and dispassionately,
and a good reason be established before adopting actions that may not
lead to proper results. In the marriage co-partnership the interest
in the right and the wrong, the loss and the gain, the lights and the
shadows, the pleasures and the pains, should be equally shared; because
they concern one just as much as the other, and should be equally
enjoyed, and equally borne by both.
A start is made with loving hearts and this state of affairs must never
be allowed to diminish. The husband should ever be glad to see his wife,
and the wife should ever be glad to see her husband. How many husbands
never know what reception they will meet with on returning home after
their anxious and exhausting business hours are over for the day; it may
be a happy or a very unhappy one. How much it consoles, encourages,
lifts up, and rests a man to return to his home after the trying scenes
of a day busily spent in providing for the support of his family are
over, to find his wife affectionate and serene, and all about the house
brilliant with contentment. Such a wife if she has troubles, and of
course she has just as many troubles as the husband, though of a
different kind, and wishes to call the attention of her husband to them,
will do it at a proper time, when she knows it will annoy him the least,
and when he will be able to give her the most assistance. She will never
try to annoy him; but endeavoring to be a true help-meet will seek in a
proper and loving way to get him to be the same to her. The wife will
gain and command the respect of her husband only through kind and
loving ways. By her love constantly and judiciously administered she
will lead him onward and upward to higher aspirations and better
circumstances in life, throughout their days of united existence. A
scolding, fretting, worrying and selfish wife has ruined for life many
a husband.
All the "self-denial" however, as it is called by some, is not on the
wife's side; the husband too must be forbearing; he must remember on his
way home at night that his faithful wife, who has been at home all day,
has had trials and disappointments in her domestic affairs; and he must
not be disappointed to find domestic arrangements a little disordered,
and his wife somewhat chagrined that, under the circumstances, she
really could give him no better a reception than he may experience. He
must always try to make the best of it and be satisfied. He must not
find fault with the cooking, for instance, but must be perfectly content
with everything as it is until his well-managing wife has had time to
overcome her difficulties and troubles.
Never find fault with your wife under any circumstances; let your
intellect discover a way to better things if need be. A really wise man
will never allow a harsh word to escape his lips to a loving wife, or
to his harmless children. By so living together a wise husband and a
loving wife will soon discover that they two are but complemental to
each other--like the Will and Understanding of one individual.