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_Richard._--Yu done wisely tew ask me questions in _Natral history_. I
am perfektly at hum amung beasts, burds, and fishes. I kan tell whi the
flea bights, whi the bull bellers, and whi the rinosseross hasn't got
but one tusk, and that on the top of his knoze. I hav writ the biography
ov all theze kritters, from the genial muskeeter and pensiv cockroach
klean up tew the elephant, with hiz trunk, and the lion, who hain't got
enny trunk at all. You ask me about the zebra. The zebra iz a striped
hoss, the wildesst thing in natral history ov hiz size, and az hard tew
civilize az the hyena, and az useless, when civilized, az the osstritch
or the rattlesnaik. They don't inhabit the United States at large; they
may liv in Kanda, if they hav a mind to--I never hav been thare tew
diskover. They are about the size ov a moderate mule, but they kant kik
with the mule. Thare ain't nothing that kiks for phun or kiks for a
living that kan outkik a mule, except it iz an old-fashioned,
Continental, revolushionary war, Fourth ov July musket. Put about 3 and
a haff inches ov powder into one ov theze old vetrans of 1776, ram it
down heavy, and lay it on a stump, and tutch it oph with a slo match,
and I had just az leafs stand in front ov it az tew stand in the rear ov
it. Thare iz sum ov the oldest and crossest ov theze muskets that will
kik, and even squeal, if yu go near them, whether they are loaded or
not. The zebra iz ov no use whatever only tew look at, at 25 cents a
chance, in sum circus tent, but after they are broke they are spilte for
enny thing else. They are like all other wild animals--fleet only for a
short distance; and civilizashun iz a grate damage tew them, just az it
iz tew an injun. Deth iz the only kind ov civilizashun that an injun kan
understand.
_Caroline._--Yu ask me whi i dont write sweet, and sentimental, and
luvly things.