Yu will vote against whiskee, i hope, and tobbacco, and whiskers, and
club rooms, and trotting hosses, and pitching cents, and staying out
late nights, and wearing pattent leather boots, two sizes too small, and
lots ov this kind ov male iniquity, but what are yu going tu vote _for_?
Yu will hav tew vote agin trials bi jury, and dispoze ov them or else yu
will hav tew sit on jurys, and will this be yure best style?--eight men
and four wimmin locked up in a jury room all night together, on bred and
water, with yure husbands peeking thru the key holes, tew see how the
verdik is a going.
Yu will hav tew vote agin a poll tax, and git rid ov poll taxes, or, if
yu are poor, yu will hav tew work yure tax out on the road, alongside ov
sum rum drinking and tobbaco chawing wretch, who will take grate pains
tew chaw, and sware, tew show hiz superiorite tew yu.
Yu will hav tew vote agin all riots, and reserexkshuns, and thus put an
end tew them, or else when thare iz an irish riot, to kill oph the
surpluss niggers, yu will hav tew cum out armed with sumthing, if
nothing more than a pair ov tongs, and just az like az not looze yure
best waterfall in the mussness, jist think how billyous this will be.
Yu will hav tew vote agin awl kind ov housework, for how kan yu run the
United States government, if yu are kept patching pantaloons all the
time?
Yu will hav tew vote agin enny more human beings making their
appearance, for who iz a going tew nourish the babe, while yu are down
tew the town hall, trieing tew elekt a favourite constabel, yure husband
kant do it enny how, unless yu hav him rekonstrukted.
Suppoze yu git elekted tew congress from yure distrikt, every woman in
the country, who haz got a husband thare, will be on hand tew watch how
things are a going, and yu will be acused ov transgreshuns, that never
entered yure hed, or hart.
Suppoze yu had a vote to day, dew yu know of enny woman on arth, that yu
would vote for, i mean, unmarried woman, like yureself?
Miss Jemima, Josephine, Jenkins, the more i grind these things in mi
mind, the more i think yu had better turn yure attenshun towards
harvesting a good hustband, and making his house the envy ov the
naberhood, bi the gentle, and domestik virtews, which Heaven haz so
lavishly loaned tew yu, rather than attending caucusses, holding wimmin
convenshuns, or travelling athwart the country, in company with a set of
longhaired, male hybrids, who haven't got enny reputashun tew spare, and
who will cheat yu out ov what yu hav got.
If you or enny other virtewous, gentle woman, wants an ernest defender,
one who beleaves that yure sex holds the ballance ov power now, one who
looks upon a mother (who ever she iz) az the queen ov the situation, one
who looks upon a sister az an angel friend, one who looks upon a
daughter az the gift of God, one who looks upon a wife with awl the
pathos of venerashun, if yu want any help from sich a pheller, in
battling with the trials that Heaven haz planted in the pathway ov a
womans legitimate sphear, send for me, i am yure man.
But i hav no ambishun tew see yu a voter, and i think the hour which
sees yure sex, in this country, voters, will see the eazy and rapid
dissolushun ov the only barrier we have, between the coarse instinkts ov
man, and the sakred safety ov the domestick vertews, ov which yu hav
been ordained the vestal keepers.
Pardon me, Miss Jemima, if mi language in this letter iz strong, it cums
from a strong place, mi heart, if i didn't mean what i say i should hav
bin az sweet az a courtier, i should hav torked about the gorgeous
mission of woman, the exalted career that might be opened for her in
walks yet untrod, and other rhapsodys in the key bugle style, but i kno
the power that woman haz over me, and i kno whare it lays, it dont lay
in the ballot box, it lays in that misterious delikasy ov hers, thoze
silken threads, whoze power iz invisible.
In summing up, if i kno ennything about human natur all that "_Wimmin's
rights_" means, iz, _more power_, and enny woman who would exchange a
single article, in the "magna-karta" which she now iz empress ov, for
the whole ov the byelaws, constitushun, and power sought for, in the
ranting programme ov a "wimmins right convenshun," would be swapping an
intrinsick bower, for an emaskulated privilege.
"_Barney._"--I received the rat tarrier yu sent me by the Merchants'
Union Express, last evening, and gave him a quart ov milk for hiz tea.
He pocketed the milk, and wagged for sum more; it made him stick out
like a false caff.
He slept sound last night, and hasn't waked up yet, altho it iz now 10
o'clock this morning.
I have stopped writing tew tickle hiz nose with a pin, and he iz now
rushing things around the room for sum rats.
He haz just tipped over a Chinese god, worth 8 dollars, and broke him,
he will git rats when mi wife cums in.
He kant find enny rats, and is now chawing oph mi little boy's toe--to
hiz shoe.
He iz now crazy for rats agin, and will smash the other vase agin, I'll
bet.
Thare goes the other vase, bi thunder! all tew powder.
He iz now out ov wind, and iz running hiz tung out and in.
He wants tew go out doors for sumthing, and i hav let him went.
He haz just found a poor little boy in the street, whom he knows, and
the boy seems tew know him, and they hav gone round the next block, on a
run, together, tew see sumthing.
He don't seem tew cum back!
It iz now to-morrow, and the tarrier don't seem tew cum back.
My wife iz glad ov it.