"_Philander._"--If yu borrow ov the Devil, yu must keep yure eye peeled
wide open, for the Devil always takes a mortgage, and seldum takes one,
that he fails tew foreclose.
"_Plato._"--Mi experience, az far az i have got, iz this, that i kan
most alwus find out the style ov milk in enny man's moral kokernutt, by
hearing hiz opinion ov hiz nearest nabors, for men are quite apt tew dam
in others, what they hav got the most ov themselfs, and praze what they
have got the least ov.
"_Pindar._"--The strongest sentiment in woman iz modesty, and the next
strongest iz a silk dress, made in the fashion. The strongest sentiment
in man iz money, and the next strongest iz 10 per cent. for the use ov
it.
"_Phillip._"--If yu expekt to win, yu hav got to suffer,--the bible
tells us that heaven must be taken with hard knocks.
"_Pan._"--Fame iz very mutch like good health, them men who hunt for it
the most find it the least.
"_Powell._"--Luv at fust sight iz perhaps a leetle risky, but it iz the
richest, and most lastingest luv the heart ever feels.
"_Postboy._"--Marrying for munny, iz much like falling out ov a third
story winder, if yu happen tew make a good _strike_, it iz a fust-rate
excuse for never trying it again.
"_Peacock._"--Yu will find in yure journey through this vale ov tears
and valley ov dispair, mutch tew fill yure soul with anguish, and
dissapointments bitter:--thare iz one thing partickularly apt tew go
back ov a yung man, whoze buzzum iz trieing tew bust with hope, and that
iz--hiz mustash.
"_Pilot._"--A man may hav a grate deal ov edukashun, and not be verry
wize, after awl; jist az he may hav a heap ov strength, and not know the
best holts.
"_Pilgarlick._"--Yu ask me the best way tew make berlony sarsage. Here
iz the best, and only way:
Take an eel, about six feet in length, and about one feet in wideness,
(git a lively eel if possibel); skin the eel lengthways from hed to
foot, and stuff the skin with pulvarized gutty perchy, and equal parts
ov merino wool; seazon with Scotch snuff and asserfedity, hang it up bi
the tail in a Duch grosery for 4 months, for the flies tew giv it the
trade marks; it iz then awl reddy for use, and kan be cut up into right
lengths, and sold for police clubs.
This kind ov sarsidge iz the only one who took a gold medal at the Paris
imposition.
"_Pharaoh._"--It iz an actewal fackt that most ov us work harder, tew
seem happy, than we should have to, to be happy.
"_Pedro._"--Before yu buy the hoss yu speak ov, look him over cluss, but
don't examin him much afterward, for fear yu may cum across sumthing
that yu are looking after. This iz a good rule tew foller when yu take a
wife.
"_Pontoon._"--The principal art in flying a kite iz tew git the tail the
right heft; tew mutch tail to things iz jist what haz spilte a whole
parcel ov clever kites.
"_Palmer._"--Early impreshions are like the dews on the young flowers,
soon dried off, but what the fragrance iz made of.
"_Pinchback._"--Don't beleave more than half that yu hear, rumor haz got
rising ov 600 toungs, and can lie faster with each one of them than
Dexter can trot to an anatomy waggon.
"_Palmer_."--In reply to yure kind and numerous letter, i am happy tew
state that mi age iz a profound sekret, but i waz born in the
old-fashioned way in the old ov the moon, am long, but crooked, don't
beleaf in speerits (not even Jamaka speerits;) am married, or waz twenty
years ago, and hav every reazon to beleave that I am now; hav never
raized enny boys to mi knowledge, on account ov their liability tew git
out ov repair; hav turned mi attenshion tew girl children; hav two ov
that specie, one ov whom iz now boarding with a yung feller; mi hair iz
black, and quite tall behind; i wear a mustash, and number 10 pegged
boots; hav a sangunary temperament, and a billyus noze; eat az other
folks do, except roasted gooze; roasted gooze iz not one ov mi
weaknesses, I kan eat two ov them, and then take a little more ov that
are goose; I work for mi bread and roast goose; hav a grey eye, and am
alwus az reddy tew wag az the next dog--this iz me. I forgot to state
that I waz brought up by a Presbeterian Church in Massachusetts, and am
a good job.