Ebenezer Smith haz sold out hiz tannrey at Pordunk hollow, and bout a
house on 5th avenew.
The lovely Bridget McGuire (nee chambermaid) will be brought to the
alter, sum time this seazon, by the brilliant Dennis O'Tool.
Proffessor Norris haz just returned from the north pole, and reports the
size ov the pole to be one foot in diameter at the base, and 94 feet hi.
He also brought back with him a pair ov web footed duks.
[Illustration]
The Miss Simphonys, ov Providence, are on a visit tew the Miss Sinbads,
ov Lexington avenew--lovely creatures all ov them.
Mocking birds' tongues on toast will be on the bills ov fare, this
summer, at the Kontinental Hotel, Long Branch.
The Rev. Namby Pamby asked for a 4 thousand dollar hoist in his salary,
or dismissal. The congregashun voted unanimus to let him went. (Bully
for the kongregashun.)
Mrs. Ulrich Nikodemus haz changed the hour ov her resepshuns from haff
past 2 o'klok P. M., on Wensdays, to a quarter of 3 on the same day, a
change ov 15 minnits. Exchange papers will pleaze coppy.
Obadiah Bunkum sold hiz hameltonian pup Jerry, last week, tew Richards,
the jews harp solo, for 50 thousand dollars, reserving the collar. This
iz spoken ov az so mutch ov a dekline in prices az tew shake the pup
market tew its center.
It it sed (but not offishall) that Mr. and Mrs. Punchinello will not
visit the White Mountains this summer. Their dauter, Betsy Punchinello,
iz sed tew be affianced tew the Baron Von Chaulk, and the family will
enter seklushun on this account.
Dick Blister waz arrested yesterday bi offiser Pinkerton for trieing tew
pass a counterfit omnibus on a 50 cent driver ov the 23 street line ov
stages.
Paul Burdok advertizes for a lost poodle ov the Sanco Panza breed, and
offers 40 dollars "for hiz uncerimonious return." ("Uncerimonious
return" iz kussid good.)
Rum and tanzy, a popular gargle a hundred years ago, is being revived
among the hi toned cirkles. One man in Nu Jersey haz drove all the
musketoze oph from a thousand akers ov land, and planted the whole ov
the land with rum and tanzy, in antisipashun ov the sharp rally in
bitters that may be looked for.
Jaw Bone Bill a selebrated brave ov the Ninkumpoop tribe ov injuns, on
the June Bug river, Californy, waz lately bit apart bi a grizzly bear.
Jaw Bone died pretty soon after the occashun, but the bear lived in
grate agony for 4 daze, when deth put an end tew hiz sufferings.
Miss Rosa Peachblow, ov Madison avenew sez she iz not affianced tew a
prominent Wall street broker, and will giv 5 dollars or thareabouts tew
find out who started the fancy sketch. (City papers pleaz copy.)
G. W. Carleton, the publisher, will soon issue a book for Josh Billings,
entitled "Eggs ov Comfort Laid by the Hen Consolashun." (This iz a
kussid no sich thing.--J. B.)
The cirkulashun ov the NEW YORK WEEKLY haz allready reached three
hundred thousand, and still iz singing that same old tune,
"_Excelsior_."
The lovely McFizzles (twins) ov "_snob place_," will hav a klam bake,
sum time this seazon, at their sea side place, "_Goose Nook_," to whitch
the Van Doodles are invited. (Doubtful.)
Mr. William Pierpont, ov Goshen, Orange County, haz a sucking colt, ov
the Hambletonian breed, which lately followed the mare one mile around
the trak, in 2 minnits and 23 seckonds, on a trot. This is sed tew be 8
seckonds the best mile made yet by enny sucker.
Report sez that the staunch widdow, Angeline Beeach nee Brown, nee
Jones, nee Beckwith, nee Smith, nee McPherson, nee Miss Angeline
Spraker--5 times a widder, will soon lead tew the alter Walter Roundout,
Esq., (Good bye, Walter.)
On dit, that Dick Manchester haz quit the cork minstrel bizzness, and iz
starring it legitimately at Sing Sing, on a 2 years engagement.
On _ditto_, that the peanut krop ov North Karolina iz a failure, and
that starvashun must foller.
On dittimus, that George Washington Vinegar will spend sum time this
year at the 5th avenew hotel.
New Jersey wants tew be admitted into the Union.
It iz stated that it kosts 13 hundred dollars tew civilize one injun,
and then the injun aint worth but 250 dollars. Loss on each injun tew
the government, in money, about 1 thousand dollars; _but_, the moral
results are sed tew be heavy. (Let the good work go on.)
Mrs. William Hoboken haz had her clarence nuly painted. The nu color iz
chestnut sorrel--the old color waz dapple grey.
We are authorized tew state that Mr. Alanthus haz just returned from the
state ov Injunanny in full bloom, having resided thare one year,
ackording tew law, and iz now reddy tew receive proposals.
A writer in Blackwood Magazine estimates "that thare haint been over 250
fleas killed since the flood."
We are pleased tew notiss the growing popularity ov Mr. and Mrs.
Jibboom; their respektibility iz now fully established, they having
appeared on the avenew with a 2 horse carriage, and a slitely coloured
driver, with a velvet hat band and sum yeller brass buttons.
The latest agony in poodles iz saffron, with steel coloured eyes.
Matilda O'Brine, four daze in her last place, with a karacter, will
receive proposals at her residence, in Albany street.
No objeckshuns tew going into the country for the summer az companyun
tew a lady, provided suitable references are given! Lessons on the
pianno will be accepted insted ov the usual presents expekted from the
family.
Enny one wishing tew adopt male or female children, kan hav their pik
out ov 16 bi calling on Mrs. Patrik McFergurson. All the children hav
got thru teething, and hav had waccinashun.