Yu are about 2 begin life, yung men, for the fust time, and i suppose
thare wud be no impropriety in mi saing for the last time tew.
It is hily important or thereabouts, that yu set down in sum kool plase,
and take an honest akount ov stok, or in other wurds, less poetick but
equally tru, yu sarch out the ramifikashun ov natur, and see what natur
haz ramified yu for.
Now Skriptur will tell yu, that men don't gether pigs from thissels,
neither dus the husband, nor hiz wife, nor enny ov his relashuns, plant
korn when tha are after pumpkins, nor sow bukwheat, when he iz a lookin
for old rye.
[Illustration]
Kauze and affeck iz anuther awful good thing to studdy; yu will find
this talked ov in Dan Webster's dicktionary.
Having follered the above advise, and having hefted the above reasoning,
yu will cum tew the konklusion whether it iz best for yu tu studdy law
or studdy shumaking, both ov them honerabil biznisses, and equally
kondusiv tew helth.
Yu will also be enabled tew bet with dispatch, whether yu hav a kall,
tew preach the gospil, or sel yankee noshuns at auction, both ov them
respektuous, if honestla follared, and both ov them liabel tew be led
estra, and end at laste in the bronkeetis.
The studdy ov medisin will present itself and flap its wings and crow,
but it kant fule yu, bekause yu have sot down, as rekomended above, and
tuk akount ov yure liabilitys, and kno tew a spot whether yu air
konstructed rite for a veteran surgeon amung hosses, or hav the rite
natur for dealing out kalamil & gallup amung men, wimmin & childrin.
Yu will likewize hav it in yure power tew gess clussly between being a
kolporter or keeping a billiard tabil; if yu find that yure goose iz
morally sound, yu will itinerate at onst, but if yu diskiver a leak in
yure base, yu will take up yure cue, naturally & akordinly.
Selling dri goods and blaksmithing wil klaim yure especial notis, and
wil bother yu dredfully for a verdik; but if yu find yu hav kalico on
the brain, & aint afraid tew stretch the cloth & the truth a little,
when yu mezure it, yu will straddle the kounter like an ingyrubber
clothes pin, and smile on yure kustomers like a sleeping babe trubbled
with dreams.
Yu wil, without doubt, be asked tu sa whether yu wil be a pollytisian or
a blakleg, both equally honorabil.
If yu hav enny reasonable douts about cheatin yure moste intimate
friends, and aint willing tew be seen in low grogerys on lecktion daze,
buying votes with cheap whiska and kounterfit munny, and dont expek tew
buy elekshun, and then sell yure principles tew git even; if yu kant go
this, and tend awl the churches near yu in rotashun, and hear folks sa,
"What an ornyment to sosiety he iz!" i sa, if yu kant go all this
without blushing, yu will ov course adopt the blakleg, and gain an
honest living bi cheatin on the square.
Yung men yu will awl detek in this lekture a frendla feeling towards yu
bi the author, and if yu foller the direckshuns laid down above, yu wil
diskiver the wiggling ov yure genius, in time perhaps, tew saive
yureselfs from cuming the gove nor ov sum state, when natur kindly
ramified yu for a carpenter and jiner.