If enny man should tell me that lager beer was not intoxikating, i
should beleave him; but if he should tell me that i want drunk that
nite, but that my stummuk was only out ov order, i should ask him tew
state over, in a few words, just how a man felt and akted when he was
well set up.
If i want drunk that nite, i had sum ov the moste natural simptoms a man
ever had, and keep sober.
In the fust place, it was about 80 rods from whare i drank the lager,
tew my house, and i was over 2 hours on the road, and had a hole busted
thru each one ov mi pantaloon kneeze, and didn't hav enny hat, and tried
tew open the door by the bell-pull, and hickupped awfully, and saw
evrything in the room tryin tew git round onto the back side ov me, and
in setting down onto a chair, i didn't wait quite long enuff for it tew
git exactly under me, when it was going round, and i sett down a little
too soon, and missed the chair by about 12 inches, and couldn't git up
quick enuff tew take the next one when it cum, and that ain't aul; mi
wife sed i waz az drunk az a beast, and az i sed before, i begun tew
spit up things freely.
[Illustration]
If lager beer iz not intoxikating, it used me almighty mean, that i kno.
Still i hardly think lager beer iz intoxikating, for i hav been told so,
and i am probably the only man living, who ever drunk enny when hiz bile
want plumb.
I don't want tew say ennything against a harmless tempranse bevridge,
but if i ever drink enny more it will be with mi hands tied behind me,
and mi mouth pried open.
I don't think lager beer iz intoxikating, but if i remember right, i
think it tastes to me like a glass with a handle on one side ov it, full
ov soap suds that a pickle had bin put tew soak in.