_First._--Let the color be a sorrel, a roan, a red, a gray, a white, a
blak, a blue, a green, a chesnut, a brown, a dapple, a spotted, a cream,
a buckskin, or sum other good color.
_Seckond._--Examin hiz ears; see that he haz got tew ears, and pound a
tin pan cluss to him, to find out whether hiz hearing iz good. All
hosses are dum but a deff and dum hoss, are not desirable.
_Third._--Look well to hiz eyes; see that he haz got a pupil in hiz
eyes, and not too large a one neither, hosses with too large pupils in
their eyes are near-sighted, and kant see oats, and hav tew wear green
gogles, and green gogles make a hoss look tu mutch like a trakt pedlar.
[Illustration: THE HOSS.]
_Fourth._--Feel ov his neck with the inside ov yure right hand, see that
the spinal collum iz well fatted, and runs the whole length ov him from
fore to aft, a hoss without a good phatt spinal collum from fore to aft
aint worth, (speaking sudden) aint worth a well defined cuss.
_Five._--Put yure hand on hiz breast, (this iz allowable in the case ov
a quadriped) see if hiz harte kan beat 70, squeeze hiz fore leggs to see
if he iz well muscled, lift up hiz before feet, and see if thare iz enny
frogs in them, frogs keep a hosses feet cool, and sweet, just az they do
a well, or a spring ov water.
_Six._--Look well tew hiz shoes, see what number he wears, number 8 iz
about right.
_Seven._--Run yure hand along the dividing ridge ov hiz boddy, from the
top ov hiz withers to the commencement ov his tail (or dorsul vertibra)
and pinch him az yu go along to see if he knows how tew kick.
_Eight._--Look on his hind legs for sum spavins, kurbs, windgalls,
ringbones, skratches, quittors, thrush, greaseheels, thorough-pins,
spring-halt, quarter-kracks; see if he haz got a whirl-bone; look for
sum pin-hips; hunt for strains in the back tendons, let-downs and capped
hocks.
_Nine._--Investigate hiz teeth, see if he aint 14 years old last May,
with teeth filed down, and a six year old black mark burnt into the top
ov them, with a hot iron.
_Ten._--Smell of hiz breath to see if he haint got sum glanders; look
just back ov hiz ears for sighns of pole evil, pinch him on the top ov
hiz withers for a fistula, and look sharp at both shoulders for a
sweeny.
_Eleven._--Hook him tew a waggon that rattles, drive him up to an
Irishman and hiz wheelbarrow, meet a rag merchant with cow bells strung
acrost the top ov hiz cart, let an express train pass him at 45 miles to
the hour, when he iz swetty leave a buffalo robe over him to keep oph
the cold, ride him with an unbrel highsted, and learn hiz opinyun ov
these things.
_Twelve._--Prospekt hiz wind, sarch diligently for the heaves, ask if he
iz a roarer, and don't be afraid tew find out if he iz a whistler.
_Thirteen._--Be sure that he aint a krib-biter, aint balky, aint a
weaver, and dont pull at the halter.
* * * * *
Theze are a few simple things to be looked at in buying a _good family
hoss_, there iz a grate menny other things tew be looked at (at yure
leizure) after you have bought him.
Good hosses are skarse, and good men, that deal in enny kind ov hosses,
are skarser.
Ask a man all about hiz wife and he may tell you, examine him cluss for
a Sunday school teacher and find him all on the square, send him tew the
New York legislature and rejoice that money wont buy him, lend him seven
hundred dollars, in the highway, without witness or note, even swop
dorgs with him with perfekt impunity, but when yu buy a _good family
hoss_ ov him, young, sound, and trew, watch the man cluss, and make up
yure mind besides that you will have tew ask the Lord tew forgive him.
"_An honest man iz the noblest work ov God_," this famus saying waz
written, in grate anguish ov heart, by the late Alexander Pope, just
after buying _a good family hoss_.