Neatness, in my opinyun iz one ov the virtews, I hav alwus konsidered it
twin sister to chastity. But while I almost worship neatness in folks, i
hav seen them who did understand the bizzness so well az tew acktually
make it fearful tew behold. I hav seen neatness that want satisfied in
being a common-sized virtew, but had bekum an ungovernable pashun,
enslaving its possesser, and making everyboddy uneazy who kum in
kontackt with it.
When a person finds it necessary to skour the nail heds in the cellar
stairs evry day, and skrub oph the ducks' feet in hot water, it iz then
that neatness haz bekum the tyrant of its viktim.
I hav seen individuals who wouldn't let a tired fly light on the wall
paper ov their spare room enny quicker than they would let a dog mix up
the bread for them, and who would hunt a single cockroach up stairs and
down until his leggs were wore oph clear up to his stummuk but what they
would hav him. I kan't blame them for being a little lively with the
cockroach, for i don't like cockroaches miself--espeshily in mi soup.
Thare iz no persons in the world who work so hard and so eternally az
the vicktims ov extatick neatness; but they don't seem tew do mutch
after all, for they don't get a thing fairly cleaned to their mind
before the other end ov it gits dirty, and they fall tew scrubbing it
awl over agin.
If you should shut one ov these people up in a hogshead, they would keep
bizzy scouring all the time, and would clean a hole right thru the side
ov the hogshed in less than 3 months.
They will keep a whole house dirty the year round cleaning it, and the
only peace the family can hav iz when mother iz either bileing soap or
making dip kandles.
[Illustration: THE NEAT PERSON.]
They rize before daylight, so az to begin scrubbing early, and go tew
bed before dark for fear things will begin tew git dirty. These kind ov
excessiv neat folks are not alwus very literary, but they know soft
water from hard bi looking at it, and they kan tell what kind ov soap
will fetch oph the dirt best. They are sum like a kitchin gardin--very
regularly laid out, but not planted yet.
If mi wife waz one ov these kind ov neatnesses I would love her more
than ever, for i do luv awl the different kinds ov neatness; but i think
we would keep house by travelling round awl the time, and not stay but
one night in a place, and i don't think she would undertake tew skrub up
the whole ov the United States ov Amerika.