The _Model Man_ never disturbs a hen when she iz setting; never speaks
cross tew a lost dogg; always puts a five cent shinplaster in hiz vest
pockett late Saturday night, tew hav it ready Sunday morning for the
church platter; rizes whenever a lady enters the street kars; remembers
your uncle plainly, and asks after all the family. If he steps on a
kat's tail, is sure to do it light, and immegiately asks her pardon;
reads the PHUNNY PHELLOW, and laffs bekause he kan't help it; hooks up
hiz wife's dress, and plays hoss with the children. Never meddles with
the cream on the milk pans; goes eazily of errands and cums back in
seazon; attends everyboddy's phuneral; kan always tell when the moon
changes; thinks just az yu do, or the other way if you want him to;
follows evry boddy's advice but hiz own; praktices most ov the virtews
without knowing it; leads the life ov a shorn lamb; gits sick after a
while, and dies az soon az he kan, tew save making enny further trubble.
The model man's vices are not feared, nor hiz virtews respekted. He
lives in the memory of the world just about az long az a pleasant day
duz.
He may be called a "clever feller," and that iz only a libel; but he
will git hiz reward hereafter--when the birds get theirs.