Truth iz like the burdocks a cow gits into the end ov her tail, the more
she shakes them oph, the less she gits rid ov them.
Thare is 2 kinds ov men in this world, that i don't kare about meeting
when i am in a grate hurry. Men whom i owe, and men who want to owe me.
[Illustration: INK LINGS.]
Thare iz always one chance agin the best laid plans ov man, and the Lord
holds that chance.
Mi private opinyun about "abscence ov mind" is, that 9 times out ov 10,
it iz abscence ov branes.
The flattery that men offer tew themselfs iz the most dangerous, bekause
the least suspekted.
Take a kitten that kan hardly walk on land, and chuck him into a mill
pond, and he will swim ashore--enny boddy kan apply the moral in this.
The best philosophers and moralists i hav ever met, hav been thoze who
had plenty to eat, and drink, and had money at interest.
It takes a wize man to suffer prosperity, but most enny phool kan suffer
adversity.
Pride, after all, iz one ov our best friends--it makes us beleave we are
better and happier than our nabors.
Before yu give enny man advise, find out what kind ov advice will suit
him the best.
Knowledge is like money, the more a man gits the more he hankers for.
The vices and phollys ov grate men are never admired nor imitated bi
grate men.
The trew art ov kriticism is tew excuse faults rather than ridikule
them.
We hav no more right to laff at a deformed person, than we hav at a
crooked tree--both ov them are God's arkitekture.
How strange it iz that most men had rather be flattered for possessing
what they hav not, than to be justly praised for having what they
possess.
Suavity ov manners towards men iz like suavity ov molassis toward flies,
it not only calls them to you, but sticks them fast after they git
thare.
Thare iz a grate deal ov charity in this world so koldly rendered that
it fairly hurts, it iz like lifting a drowning man out ov the water bi
the hair ov the hed, and then letting him drop on the ground.
Exchanging kompliments iz another name for exchanging lies.
The greatest thief this world haz ever produced iz _Procrastination_,
and he is still at large.
Religion iz nothing more than a chattel mortgage, excepted, and
rekorded, az sekurity for a man's morality, and virtew.
White lies are sed tew be innocent, but i am satisfied that enny man who
will lie for phun, after a while will lie for wages.
The most valuable thing in this world iz Time, and yet people waste it
as they do water, most of them letting it run full head, and even the
most prudent let it drizzle.
The devil himself, with all hiz genius, allways travels under an
alias--this shows the power of truth and morality.
If a dog falls in love with you at first sight, it will do to trust
him--not so with a man.
One ov the hardest things to do is to be a good listener, thoze who are
stone deaf succeed the best.
If you don't kno how to lie, cheat and steal, turn yure attenshun to
pollyticks, and learn how.
Thare are men who seem to be born on purpose to step into every thing,
they kant set a common rat trap without gitting ketched in it.
A sekret iz like an aking tooth, it keeps us uneasy until it iz out.
I hav larn't one thing, bi grate experience, and that iz, I want as much
watching az mi nabors do.
The only way to larn sum men how to do enny thing, iz to do it yourself.
I don't rekoleckt now ov ever hearing ov two dogs fiteing, unless thare
waz a man or two around.
A wize man is never so mutch alone, as when he iz in a crowd, and never
so mutch in a crowd as when he iz alone.