Thare iz one kritter in this world whoze trubbles yu kant console, and
she iz--a setting hen.
Thoze persons who spend all ov their spare time watching their simptoms,
are the kind who enjoy poor health.
Whenever a minister haz preached a sermon that pleazes the whole
congregashun, he probably haz preached one that the Lord wont endorse.
Evry boddy seems tew be willing to be a phool himself, but he kant bear
tew hav ennyboddy else one.
Truth iz the edict ov God.
The philosophers, az a class, are a sett ov old grannys, who possess
grate knowledge, part ov which haz bin handed down tew them, and the
ballance they guess at.
About the fust and the last thing a human being duz in this world, iz
tew shed tears.
Thare iz no grater proff ov the power of love than that the crimes
committed in its interests are in a measure hallowed.
I kan tell exackly how mi nabors yung ones ought tew be fetched up, but
i aint so clear about mi own.
A loafer iz a person who iz willing tew be abuzed for the privilege ov
abusing others.
Thare iz sum folks in this world who spend their whole time hunting
after rhighteousness and haint got enny spare time tew praktiss it.
Adversity haz the same effekt on a man that severe training duz on the
pugilist--it reduces him tew his fighting waight.
Natur kan be improved upon often with good effekt, but to alter it
generally spiles the whole thing.
Affliktions are like the summers sun--they wilt for the purpuss ov
ripening.
If yu want to find out a man's real disposishun, take him when he iz wet
and hungry. If he iz aimable then, dry him and fill him up, and you hav
got an angel.
The man who haz never bin tempted, dont kno how dishonest he iz.
Thare iz nothing like a sick bed for repentance. A man bekums so
virtewous that he will often repent ov sins that he never haz committed.
Three skore year and ten iz the time allotted to man, and it iz enuff.
If a man kant suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be
knumb.
It dont take mutch tew prove a truth. It iz only a lie that requires
grate argumentatiff ability.
Listen tew every mans opinyuns, disagree with none, but confide in yure
own. This iz a kind ov flattery that wrongs no one.
What a man gains in cunning he alwus lozes in wisdum.
He who wont beleave ennything he kant understand, aint so wize az a
mule--for they will kick at a thing they dont expekt tew reach.
All ov us are anxious tew liv tew be very old, but not one in ten
thousand kan fill the karakter ov an old man.
Money iz like grain--it iz never so well invested az when it iz well
sown.
A bigot iz a religious coward trying tew play the autokrat.
Money never made a man disgraceful yet, but men have often made money
disgracefull.
How menny people thare iz who only go into society just for the purpose
ov telling over their akes and pains, their gripes and grunts! Such
people ought tew be sent at once to the pest house.
Health can be bought, but yu hav got tew pay for it with temperance, at
the highest rates.
Give me warm friends and bitter enemys about haff and haff. He who haint
got an enemy on arth, kant show a friend that will stick to him thru
thik and thin.
Every time a man laffs harty, he takes a kink out ov the chain that
binds him to life, and thus lengthens it.
Beauty iz the melody ov the features.
I hav alwus bore it in mind that, jist about in rasho that a person or
individual iz proud and hauty, they are ignorant.
Beleaving and disbeleaving iz oftner an effort ov the will than ov the
understanding.
It iz a lucky thing that epitaffs dont appear on a man's tumestun untill
he haz gone dead. If they were published while he waz living, what an
insult most ov them would be tew hiz reputashun.
I think Adam waz the weakest man i ever read ov. He committed the most
sin, with the least amount ov temtashun, ov enny person history iz
familiar with.
One ov the surest sighns ov an intelligent civilizashun iz tew see amung
the masses a bekuming respekt and reverence for the aged.
Before yu undertaik tew change a man's politiks or religion, be sure yu
hav got a better one to offer him.
Altho the world iz chuck full ov liars, thare iz but few men who dont
prefer tew listen tew the truth.
No man ever got hiz bread by preaching wisdum. Philosophy iz a good
thing tew preach, but a cussed poor thing tew liv on.
Tew be forgiven, weakens us; but tew forgiv others, weakens them.
I hav lived in this world jist long enuff tew look karefully the seckond
time into things that i am the most certain ov the fust time.
Great men are seldum intimate. They are too jealous to love or esteem
each other.