We are governed more by opinyun than we are bi conscience; this iz
giving up a noble prerogative, and playing a very poor seckond fiddle.
The man who iz striktly honest, and nothing over, haint got enny thing
more tew brag on than a pair ov steelyards haz. Sum ov the meanest
cusses i ever knu had got tew be so honest, bi long praktiss, that they
could guess at a pound.
If a man haint got grit enuff tu stand the temptashun ov a gin cocktail,
how kan he fight a real diffikulty when he gits a chance?
Awl plezzures are lawful that don't end in making us feel sorry.
The man who kan be proud in the presence ov kings, humble when he
communes with himself, sassy tu poverty, and polite tu truth, iz one ov
the boys.
Natur duz awl her big and little jobs without making enny furse; the
earth goes around the sun, the moon changes, the eklipses, and the
pollywog, silently and taillessly, bekums a frog, but man kant even
deliver a small-sized 4th ov July orashun without knocking down a
mountain or two, and tareing up three or four primeval forests by the
bleeding rutes.
Dutys are privileges.
Liberty iz a just mixture ov freedom, restraint and protektion.
Advice iz like kastor-ile, eazy enuff to give, but dredful uneazy tew
take.
A good conscience iz a foretaste ov heaven.
Thare iz few, if enny, more suggestive sights tew a philosopher, than
tew lean agin the side ov the wall, and peruse a clean, phatt, aud well
disiplined baby, spread out on the floor, trieing tew smash a hammer awl
tew pieces with a looking glass.
Evry man kan boast ov one admirer.
If yu would be successful in corekting the iniquitys ov the people, fire
at their vices, not at the people; the trew way to abuze a drunkard iz
to brake hiz jug.
Life iz a punktuated paragraff, disseazes are the commas, sickness the
semicolons, and death the full stop.
No man iz ritch who wants enny more than what he haz got.
Don't giv outward appearances awl the credit, the spirit ov a handsum
boot iz the little fut that iz in it.
I don't beleaf in bad luck being sot for a man, like a trap, but i hav
known lots ov folks, who if thare waz enny fust rate bad luck lieing
around loose, would be sure tew git one foot in it enny how.
The man who wrote, "I would not liv always, I ask not tew sta," probably
never had been urged sufficiently.
Thare iz a kind ov acktive lazyness, it works on its viktims just az the
wicked flea duz on the feelings ov an old house dogg, he hopps up quick,
but drops down agin sudden, in the same spot.
The man who controls hiz pashuns sits at the helm ov hiz ship.
It iz very diffikult tew kalkulate upon suckcess, unless a man sets up
for a phool--in this department, i hav known hundreds to succeed,
contrary tew their expektashuns.
I don't want enny better evidence that a man iz a phool than tew see him
cultivate excentricitys.
The man who kan conceal hiz real karakter when he iz drunk, or in a
pashion, haz got a giant karakter.
I have found out that happiness konsists in working bizzy 12 hours,
sleeping 8 hours, and playing checkures 4 hours, out ov every 24.
Mankind loves misterys--a hole in the ground, excites more wonder than a
star in the heavans.
"Experience iz a good schoolmaster," but reason iz a better one.
A Pedant iz a lernt phool--pedantry iz a little knowledge on
parade--pedantry iz hypocrasy, without enny malice in it.
All the good men in this world hav got the same kind ov religion, it iz
only the ded-beats frauds, and hypokrits, whoze religion differs.
Pride iz a looking-glass, into which men look, and seeing themselfs,
they strut, and stick up their noze at other folks.
How on arth kan we trust man kind, or woman kind, when thare aint one
out ov ten ov them, dare trust themselfs.
Thare iz 2 kinds ov Faith, faith ov the brains, this iz nothing more
than shrewdness--and faith ov the heart, this iz humility, haff sister
to virtew.
Yu will notis one thing, all good talkers are good listeners.
Adversity iz a goddess with frozen smiles.
If I had the privilege ov making the Eleventh Commandment, it would be
this--_owe no man_.
Young ones and dogs?--thoze who are the least able to support them,
generally hav the most ov them.
Sum folks, az they gro older, gro wizer; but most folks simply gro
stubbornner.
People travel to learn; most ov them (before they start) should learn to
travel.
I don't beleave in fighting; i am solemly aginst it; but if a man gits
teu fighting, i am also solemly aginst hiz gitting licked. After a fight
iz once opened, all the virtew thare iz in it iz tew lick the other
party.
Slander iz like the tin kittle tied to a dorg's tale--a very good kind
ov kittle so long az it ain't our dorg's tale.