Sins are the only things that I repent ov, i never could make ennything
repenting ov blunders.
I thank the Lord for this, we all ov us hav some good thing tew lay our
bad luk to besides ourselfs.
Whisky friends are the most unprofitable ones i kno ov, they are alwus
reddy tew drink with yu, but when yu are reddy tew drink with them, then
they _aint dry_.
I look upon a pure joke with the same venerashun that i do upon the 10
commandments.
Yu kant hire a man tew be honest, he will want hiz wages raized every
morning.
The most suckcessful men i hav ever known, are those who are konstantly
making blunders, but never seem tew kno it.
I kno plenty ov folks who are so kondem kontrary, that if they should
fall into the river, they would insist upon floating up stream.
One ov the most reliable phrophets i kno ov iz an old hen, they dont
phrophesy enny egg, untill after the egg haz happened.
Mi opinyun iz, and will kontinue tew be, that the phools hav done about
az mutch hurt in this world az the malishus hav.
Temper should be curbed, not broken.
I dont kno ov enny thing in this world, that iz worth more, than money
that iz honestly got, and virteuously spent.
The truly great are alwus the eazyest tew approach.
Fun, deviltry, and death, lurk in the wine-cup.
I wouldn't undertake tew korrekt a mans sektarian views enny quicker
than i would tell him which road tew take at a 4 corners, when i didn't
know miself which waz the right one.
I haven't mutch doubt that man sprung from the monkey, but what bothers
me, iz, whare the cussid monkey sprung from.
After a man haz got a good opinyun ov himself, the next best thing iz
tew hav the good opinyun ov others.
Most enny boddy thinks they kan be a good phool, and they kan, but tew
play the phool good iz not so handy.
It may be a leetle vexashus, but i don't konsider it enny disgrace tew
be bit bi a dog.
Abuse generally iz helthy, but sumtimes it cums from so low a source
that it don't do a man enny good.
It takes more time and tallents tew be a suckcessful hypokrit than it
duz tew be a christian.
Thare are but phew things that we suffer more misery from than we do
from cowardice.
The cluss intimacys ov old age seem tew konsist in kompareing gouts and
rumatiss.
Mankind in general seem tew take about az mutch pride in bragging ov
their faults az ov their virtews.
About the best that enny ov us kan do iz tew konceal our phailings.
Persons ov the koldest naturs when they do love, love the fiercest--so
green wood when it gits tew burning makes the hottest fire.
Suckcess iz az hard tew define az falling oph from a log, a man kant
alwuss tell exackly how he did it.
Thare iz one pashun (and it iz the meanest one) that no man who haz ever
lived, haz been free from, and that iz envy.
Indolence iz one ov the strongest pashuns, becauze it iz one ov the most
natral ones.
Integrity in youth iz allmost certain tew bekum wisdum, and honor in old
age.
Thare iz no person worth being jealous ov who iz willing tew be the
kause ov it.
Wise men hav but phew konfidants, and cunning ones, none.
Heaven iz ever kind tew us, she puts our humps on our backs, so that we
kant see them.
The genuine christians are the laffing ones, the man who haz tew watch
hiz morality all the time for fear it will kik up its heels iz phull ov
the devil's oats.
Hunting for a honest man iz just about as mutch like work az trieing tew
trace out a kat's pedigree.
Most ov the excentricitys we meet with amung men iz mere affektashun.
Pashunce iz a good thing for a man tew hav, provided he don't hav too
mutch ov it; thare iz a point at which pashunce begins tew be ignorance.
Take the mistery out ov things and they lose two-thirds of their
attrackshun.
When a man iz thoroughly lazy, he iz good for nothing only tew shoot at.
Thare would be but mighty phew sekrets in this world if folks would tend
tew their own bizness.
The man who wears out iz like a nimble sixpence--he iz alwus worth the
face, and keeps bright to the last.
Yu may make a mistake in a man's kapacity, but yu kant in hiz vanity.
Natur never haff-finishes a job, nor underlets a kontrakt.
Take all the dangers out ov this world and it would be a coward's
paradise.
Thare ain't ennything that will kompletely kure lazyness, but i hav
known a seckond wife tew hurry it sum.
A good naturd man haz got one ov them kind ov souls that will gro
ennything that iz planted in it, good, bad, or indiffirent.
Human happiness iz sutch an eazy, simple thing that thoze who hav the
most ov it kno it the least.
Thare are men in this world whom flattery makes stronger, bekauze it
makes them more kareful; but sutch men are skarse.
Yu kant larn a piggin tew fli slo, nor a snail tew trot fast.
The only safe way for most people tew git along in this world iz tew
watch others, and do jist az they do.
Human happiness iz like Joseph's coat--a thing of menny colors.
I kant tell which iz the wuss off, the man who iz all hed and no heart,
or the one who iz all heart and no hed.
Hope iz no flatterer--she cheats every body alike, but after all, iz the
best friend we have got.
Every boddy seems tew dispize a hippokrit--God, man, and the devil.
An idle man iz always a bizzy one--he spends all hiz time hunting for
nothing to do.
Thare are but phew people in this world who make more trouble than a
bizzy phool.
Knowledge iz power no doubt, but it iz not always virtew--thare are sum
people who only edukate their vices.
Every man should kno sumthing ov law--if he knows enuff tew keep out ov
it, he iz a pretty good lawyer.
Waiting for a ded mans shoes iz just az mean az stealing the shoes
before the man dies.
The best reformers are thoze who are all the time trieing tew reform
themselfs, thus presenting tew the world _one_ good example, worth at
least a dozen precepts.
Rum, dice, and lust bring all men tew one common level.
* * * * *
About the only difference between the poor and the ritch, is this, the
poor _suffer_ misery, while the ritch hav tu _enjoy_ it.
The time tew pray is not when we are in a tight spot, but jist as soon
as we git out ov it.
There iz 2 things in this life for which we are never fully prepared,
and that iz twins.
Yu ma make a whissel out ov a pig's tale, but if yu du, you'll find
you've spilte a very worthy tale, and got a devilish poor whissel.