Thare are people who dont do ennything but watch their simptoms. I hav
seen dogs ackt just az sensible, i hav seen a rat tarrier watch the
simptoms ov a knot hole, in a board fence, all day, for sum rat tew cum
out, but no rat didn't cum out.
The man who cant do any hurt in this world cant do any good.
The grate art ov keeping friends iz tew keep them in expectancy.
After we hav got all a mans sekrets out ov him then we either dispise
him or pitty him, and to be pittyed iz no better than to be dispised.
Thare are people so addikted tew exagerashun, that they kant tell the
truth without lieing.
Thare is no better evidence ov true friendship than tew speak ov a mans
vices tew hiz face, and ov his virtews behind hiz back.
I am rather favourably impressed with _Gin_ and _Milk_, az an extrakt,
and think a minister ov the gospel mite contend with sum ov it, on the
sli, successfully, but when he cums to reckomend it tew hiz people, i
hav mi doubts about it, unless he knows hiz people better than i do.
[Illustration: HOOKS AND EYES.]
A man may possibly git the remembrance ov his natiff country out ov hiz
mind, but he never kan out ov hiz heart.
I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived in this world, a man who haz
improved the whole ov hiz opportunity and abilitys.
Wimmin quite often possess superior tallents, but their genius lays in
their pashuns.
Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a poor digestion, what it feeds
on most alwus distresses it. Prudes, are coquets, gone to seed. It iz
our duty tew pray for them who revile and persekute us, but i dont kno
az we are obliged tew let them kno it.
Just exackly az a man grows pure, he grows humble.
The less we know the more we suspect. A grate mind haz no room for
suspicion.
Extreams meet, the very wisest are often seen to do the most phoolish
things.
It iz hard tew quit play while we are winning. It iz just so in morals,
men seldum undertake tew git religion az long az they kan git enny thing
else.
The man who never told a lie iz a well-bred man i don't kare if he
sprung from a dunghill.
Thare iz no better evidence ov wisdum than tew beleave what we kant
understand.
Trew courage iz as gentle az a pet lamb.
When we are young we change our opinyuns too often. When we are old, too
seldum.
Thare aint no people in this world who makes so menny blunders az thoze
who don't beleave "that enny good thing ever came out ov Nazareth."
We lay all of our bad luk tew sum boddy else, but our successes we giv
ourself kredit for.
Hurry and dispatch are often confounded, but they are az unlike az the
habits ov the pissmire and the ant.
A dandy in love iz in just about az bad a fix az a stick ov mollassis
kandy that haz half melted.
Thoze who luv most to play jokes upon others, luv least tew hav jokes
played upon them.
One ov the most diffikult things for an old person tew forgit and at the
same time the most necessary, iz that they are no longer young.
Seckond luv iz like a seckond case ov meazles--the pashunt alwus haz it
light.
Men in luv alwus akt like phools or lunatiks, ackordin tew the amount ov
their branes.
It iz better tew be stubborn than weak.
There iz no more degrading servitude in this life than tew be obliged
tew flatter another.
Most men had rather be ritch than wize.
Fear and courage both seem tew be constitutional, for we often see the
ignorant the most courageous, and the most wize the most timid.
About the best thing that extreme old age kan do for us iz tew make
death a relief.
Phools are alwus a wishing for sumthing.
To be thoroughly pittyed will take the courage out ov enny man.
Envy iz just az natral tew the heart ov man az blood iz tew hiz boddy.
When a doktor looks me square in the face and kant see no money in me,
them i am happy.
He who will flatter another, will rob him, if he gits a good chance.
Thare might possibly be sum advantage, in entering a convent, if we
could eskape from ourselfs, but go whare we will, we have tew keep
company with one, who is able tew do us more hurt, than enny boddy else.
The meanest kind ov a loafer iz he, who iz willing tew be abuzed by
every one, for the privilege ov abuzing others.
If it iz really a blessing tew die, it must hav been a curse to be born.
What iz the principal difference between poverty and ritches?--poverty
kant be worse, and may be better; ritches kan be better, and may be
worse,--the difference iz in favor of poverty.
We kant have a better evidence, ov the perversity ov human natur, than
the fakt, that we arrive at wisdom, thru our adversity, instead ov thru
our reazon.
A wize man never dispairs, when hope givs out, then cums resignashun.
The best way i kno ov tew repent ov enny thing, iz tew do better next
time.
Pashion alwus lowers a grate man, but sumtimes elevates a little one.
Thare iz nothing more bekuming to enny man than humility, yet it iz
about the last thing he thinks ov.
Too mutch reading, and too little thinking, haz the same effekt on a
man's mind, that too mutch eating, and too little exercise haz on hiz
boddy.
The highest rate ov interest that we pay iz on borrowed trouble--things
that are always a going tew happen never do happen.
Face all things!--even advertisy iz polite tew a man's face.
A learned phool iz one who has read everything, and simply remembered
it.
Thare iz no good substitute for wisdum, but silence iz the best that haz
been discovered yet.
Confidence iz a big thing, it makes a hornet respektable, and the want
ov it, iz just what makes the pissmire dispised.
If I had a boy whose hair wouldn't part in the middle, I should bedew
that hair with a parent's tear, and then giv up the boy.