If yu hav got a spirited and noble boy, appeal tew hiz generosity, if yu
hav got a heavy and sullen one appeal tew hiz back.
A grate menny ov our people go abroad tew improve their minds, who
hadn't got enny minds when they war at home; knowledge, like charity,
shud begin at home, and then spred.
Affickshuns are the compliments that Heaven pays tew the virtewous.
Noboddy but a phool will spend hiz time trieing tew convince a phool.
Time iz like money, the less we hav ov it teu spare the further we make
it go.
The tounge iz really a verry fasst member ov the boddy politick, he duz
all the talking, and two-thirds ov the thinking.
Men who invade the province uv wimmin are alwus jeered at, and how kan
wimmin, when they invade the province ov men expekt tew eskape the same
kind ov treatment.
He who spends hiz younger days in disapashun iz mortgaging himself tew
disseaze and poverty, two inexorable creditors, who are certain tew
foreclose at last, and take possession ov the premises.
Thare iz menny a person who kan set a mouse-trap tew perfeckshun, but
not satisfied with sich small game, undertake tew trap for bears, and
git ketched bi the bears. MORAL: studdy yure genius, and stick tew mice.
Young man don't marry abuv or below yure rank, not that i think thare iz
evry virtew in rank, but thare iz _custom_ in it, and custom often
outranks law and gospel.
Let him go, mi son, sed an ancient father tew hiz boy, who had caught a
yung rabbit, and when he gits bigger ketch him agin. The boy did az he
waz told, and haz been looking for that rabbit ever since.
The world owes all its energys and refinement tew luxurys--digging roots
for brekfast and going naked for clothes, iz the virtewous innocence ov
a lazy savage.
Thare iz lots ov folks who eat well, and drink well, and sleep well, and
yet are sick all the time--theze are the folks who alwus _enjoy poor
health_.
If a man hits yu, and you hit him back, yu are even, but if yu don't
strike back he iz yure debtor, and alwus owes yu a crack.
A person with a little smattering ov learning, iz a good deal like a
hen's egg that haz been sot on for a short time, and then deserted by
the hen, it iz spilte for hatching out ennything.
"_People ov good sense_" are thoze whoze opinyuns agree with ours.
Thare iz a grate deal ov magnificent poverty in our big citys, people
who eat klam soup out ov a tin basin with a gold spoon.
The place whare poverty, virtew, and love meet and worship together, iz
the most sakred spot in this universe.
Experience don't make a man so bold az it duz so careful.
Pride never forgets itself, never haz a play spell or frolik; it iz
stiff from morning till night, from top tew bottom, like a sled stake.
Thare ain't but very little ginowine good sense in this world enny how,
and what little thare iz ain't in market, it iz held for a dividend.
Thoze who hav made up their minds tew lead a life ov enjoyment will find
the following recipee a grate help tew them: "_To one ounce ov plezzure
add a pound ov repentance._"
Adversity iz a poultess which reduces our vanity and strengthens our
virtew--even a boy never feels half so good az when he haz just bin
spanked and sot away tew cool.
Pedantry iz the science ov investing what little yu know in one kind ov
perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that under every man's knose whom
yu meet.
Lieing iz like trieing tew hide in a fog, if yu move about yure are in
danger ov bumping yure hed agin the truth, and az soon az the fog blows
oph yu are gone enny how.
Marrying an angel iz the poetry ov marriage, but living with her iz the
proze; and this iz all well enuff if the taste ov the poetry hain't
spilte our relish for the proze.
The man who livs on hope must pick the bones ov dissapointment.
The Devil iz sed tew be the father ov lies, if this iz so, he haz got a
large family, and a grate menny promising children amung them.
Life iz like a mug ov beer, froth at the top, ail in the middle, and
settlings at the bottom.
We should liv in this life az tho we war walking on glaze ice, liable
tew fall at enny moment, and tew be laffed at bi the bystanders.
Men, if they ain't too lazy, liv sumtimes till they are 80, and destroy
the time a good deal az follows: the fust 30 years they spend throwing
stones at a mark, the seckond 30 they spend in examining the mark tew
see whare the stuns hit, and the remainder iz divided, in cussing the
stun-throwing bizzness, and nussing the rumatizz.
This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew
turn up, iz just about az rich a spekulashun az going out into a four
hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our
knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.