The man who iz alwus bragging ov hiz wife in publik, duz it more out of
pride of himself, than love for her.
If a man haz got 80 thousand dollars at interest, and owns the house he
livs in, it aint mutch trouble to be a philosopher.
The most that experience seems tew do for us, iz tew sho us, what kussid
phools every boddy but _we_, hav made ov themselfs.
Whiskey, and onions combined, are good for a bad breth.
The hardest man in this world tew cheat, iz the man who iz alwus honest
with himself.
I look upon molassis az one ov our greatest blessings, it haz dun so
mutch tew sweeten life.
Life ain't long enuff for enny man tew kno himself.
Virtew don't konsist in the absence ov the pashuns, but in the control
ov them;--a man without enny pashuns iz simply az virtewous az a graven
image.
One ov the best temporary reliefs for vanity, that i kno ov, iz a sharp
tutch ov the billyus kolick.
Sharpers are like hornets, intimate on a short acquaintance.
Don't forget one thing yung man, thare iz a thousand people in this
world who kan hurt yu, to one that kan help yu.
Thare iz no accomplishment so eazy tew acquire az politeness, and none
more profitable.
Thare would be a grate supply ov wit and humor in this world, if we
would only giv others the same credit for being witty that we claim for
ourselfs.
Thare are a grate menny excuses that are wuss than the offence.
Be humble, and yu are sure tew be thankful,--be thankful, and yu are
sure tew be happy.
He who shows us all hiz wickedness, is not a very dangerous man.
Thare iz no better evidence ov a weak mind, than tew be alwus in a
hurry.
Pride, and avarice, iz a most whimsikal mixtur.
A man whom yu kan trust with a sekret, yu kan trust with ennything.
Common sense is the favorite daughter of Reason, and altho thare are
menny other wimmin more attraktive for a time, thare iz nothing but
death kan rob common sense ov her buty.
Opinions should be formed with grate caushun, and changed with grater.
The only thing that a human being is positively certain ov, iz death.
Silence iz one ov the hardest arguments to refute.