Arly tew bed and arly tew rize, is either a thing of the past or a thing
that ain't cum--it certainly don't exist in theze parts now.
It haz not only gone itself, but it haz took oph a whole lot ov good
things with it.
This art will positively never be diskovered agin; it waz the child ov
innocense and vigor, and this breed ov children are like the babes in
the wood, and deserted bi their unkle.
"_Honesty._"--Honesty iz one ov the arts and sciences.
Learned men will tell you that the abuv assershun iz one ov Josh
Billings infernal lies, and yer hav a perfekt rite tew believe them, but
i don't.
Honesty iz jist az much an art az politeness iz, and never waz born with
a man enny more than the capacity to spell the word Nebuddkenozzer right
the first time waz.
It took me seven years to master this word, and i and Noer Webster both
disagree about the right way now.
Sum men are natrally more addikted tew honesty than others, jist az sum
hav a better ear for musik, and larn how tew hoist and lower the 8
notes, more completely than the next man.
Honesty iz one ov the lost or mislaid arts--thare may be excepshuns tew
this rule, but the learned men all agree that "excepshuns prove the
rule."
The only doubts i hav about this matter iz tew lokate the time very
cluss, when honesty waz fust lost.
When Adam in the garden of Eden waz asked, "_Whare art thou Adam_" and
afterwards explained hiz abscence by saying, "_I, waz afraid_" iz az far
back az I hav bin able tew trace the fust indikashuns ov weakness in
this grand and nobel art.
I shouldn't be suprized if this art never waz fully recovered again
during mi day.
I aint so anxious about it on mi own ackount, for i kan manage tew worry
along sumhow without it, but what iz a going tew bekum ov the grate mass
ov suffering humanity?
This iz a question that racks mi simpathetick buzzum!