of really a delightful waiter who brought us up some delicious luncheon
and who is called Leon and who speaks english almost like an American
and who Dorothy and I talk to quite a lot. So Leon said that we ought
not to stay around the Ritz all of the time, but we really ought to see
Paris. So Dorothy said she would go down in the lobby and meet some
gentleman to show us Paris. So in a couple of minutes she called up on
the telephone from the lobby and she said “I have got a French bird
down here who is a French title nobleman, who is called a veecount so
come on down.” So I said “How did a Frenchman get into the Ritz.” So
Dorothy said “He came in to get out of the rain and he has not noticed
that it is stopped.” So I said “I suppose you have picked up something
without taxi fare as usual. Why did you not get an American gentleman
who always have money?” So Dorothy said she thought a French gentleman
had ought to know Paris better. So I said “He does not even know it is
not raining.” But I went down.
So the veecount was really delightful after all. So then we rode around
and we saw Paris and we saw how devine it really is. I mean the Eyefull
Tower is devine and it is much more educational than the London Tower,
because you can not even see the London Tower if you happen to be two
blocks away. But when a girl looks at the Eyefull Tower she really
knows she is looking at something. And it would even be very difficult
not to notice the Eyefull Tower.
So then we went to a place called the Madrid to tea and it really was
devine. I mean we saw the Dolley Sisters and Pearl White and Mrs. Corey
and Mrs. Nash all over again.
So then we went to dinner and then we went to Momart and it really was
devine because we saw them all over again. I mean in Momart they have
genuine American jazz bands and quite a lot of New York people which we
knew and you really would think you were in New York and it was devine.
So we came back to the Ritz quite late. So Dorothy and I had quite a
little quarrel because Dorothy said that when we were looking at Paris
I asked the French veecount what was the name of the unknown soldier
who is buried under quite a large monument. So I said I really did not
mean to ask him, if I did, because what I did mean to ask him was, what
was the name of his mother because it is always the mother of a dead
soldier that I always seem to think about more than the dead soldier
that has died.
So the French veecount is going to call up in the morning but I am not
going to see him again. Because French gentlemen are really quite
deceeving. I mean they take you to quite cute places and they make you
feel quite good about yourself and you really seem to have a delightful
time but when you get home and come to think it all over, all you have
got is a fan that only cost 20 francs and a doll that they gave you
away for nothing in a restaurant. I mean a girl has to look out in
Paris, or she would have such a good time in Paris that she would not
get anywheres. So I really think that American gentlemen are the best
after all, because kissing your hand may make you feel very very good
but a diamond and safire bracelet lasts forever. Besides, I do not
think that I ought to go out with any gentlemen in Paris because Mr.
Eisman will be here next week and he told me that the only kind of
gentlemen he wants me to go out with are intelectual gentlemen who are
good for a girls brains. So I really do not seem to see many gentlemen
around the Ritz who seem to look like they would be good for a girl’s
brains. So tomorrow we are going to go shopping and I suppose it would
really be to much to expect to find a gentleman who would look to Mr.
Eisman like he was good for a girls brains and at the same time he
would like to take us shopping.
April 29th:
Yesterday was quite a day. I mean Dorothy and I were getting ready to
go shopping and the telephone rang and they said that Lady Francis
Beekman was down stairs and she wanted to come up stairs. So I really
was quite surprised. I mean I did not know what to say, so I said all
right. So then I told Dorothy and then we put our brains together.
Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman is the wife of the gentleman
called Sir Francis Beekman who was the admirer of mine in London who
seemed to admire me so much that he asked me if he could make me a
present of a diamond tiara. So it seemed as if his wife must have heard
about it, and it really seemed as if she must have come clear over from
London about it. So there was a very very loud knock at the door so we
asked her to come in. So Lady Francis Beekman came in and she is a
quite large size lady who seems to resemble Bill Hart quite a lot. I
mean Dorothy thinks that Lady Francis Beeckman resembles Bill Hart
quite a lot, only she really thinks she looks more like Bill Hart’s
horse. So it seems that she said that if I did not give her back the
diamond tiara right away, she would make quite a fuss and she would
ruin my reputation. Because she said that something really must be
wrong about the whole thing. Because it seems that Sir Francis Beekman
and she have been married for 35 years and the last present he gave to
her was a wedding ring. So Dorothy spoke up and she said “Lady you
could no more ruin my girl friends reputation than you could sink the
Jewish fleet.” I mean I was quite proud of Dorothy the way she stood up
for my reputation. Because I really think that there is nothing so
wonderful as two girls when they stand up for each other and help each
other a lot. Because no matter how vigarous Lady Francis Beekman seems
to be, she had to realize that she could not sink a whole fleet full of
ships. So she had to stop talking against my reputation.
So then she said she would drag it into the court and she would say
that it was undue influence. So I said to her, “If you wear that hat
into a court, we will see if the judge thinks it took an undue
influence to make Sir Francis Beekman look at a girl.” So then Dorothy
spoke up and Dorothy said “My girl friend is right, Lady. You have got
to be the Queen of England to get away with a hat like that.” So Lady
Francis Beekman seemed to get quite angry. So then she said she would
send for Sir Francis Beekman where he suddenly went to Scotland, to go
hunting when he found out that Lady Francis Beekman had found out. So
Dorothy said “Do you mean that you have left Sir Francis Beekman loose
with all those spendthrifts down in Scotland?” So Dorothy said she
would better look out or he would get together with the boys some night
and simply massacre a haypenny. I mean I always encouradge Dorothy to
talk quite a lot when we are talking to unrefined people like Lady
Francis Beekman, because Dorothy speaks their own languadge to
unrefined people better than a refined girl like I. So Dorothy said,
“You had better not send for Sir Francis Beekman because if my girl
friend really wanted to turn loose on Sir Francis Beekman, all he would
have left would be his title.” So then I spoke right up and said Yes
that I was an American girl and we American girls do not care about a
title because we American girls always say that what is good enough for
Washington is good enough for us. So Lady Francis Beekman really seemed
to get more angry and more angry all of the time.
So then she said that if it was necessary, she would tell the judge
that Sir Francis Beekman went out of his mind when he gave it to me. So
Dorothy said “Lady, if you go into a court and if the judge gets a good
look at you, he will think that Sir Francis Beekman was out of his mind
35 years ago.” So then Lady Francis Beekman said she knew what kind of
a person she had to deal with and she would not deal with any such a
person because she said it hurt her dignity. So Dorothy said “Lady, if
we hurt your dignity like you hurt our eyesight I hope for your sake,
you are a Christian science.” So that seemed to make Lady Francis
Beekman angry. So she said she would turn it all over to her soliciter.
So when she went out she tripped over quite a long train which she had
on her skirt and she nearly fell down. So Dorothy leaned out of the
door and Dorothy called down the hall and said, “Take a tuck in that
skirt Isabel, its 1925.” So I really felt quite depressed because I
felt as if our whole morning was really very unrefined just because we
had to mix with such an unrefined lady as Lady Francis Beekman.
April 30th:
So sure enough yesterday morning Lady Francis Beekman’s solicitor came.
Only he really was not a solicitor, but his name was on a card and it
seems his name is Mons. Broussard and it seems that he is an advocat
because an advocat is a lawyer in the French landguage. So Dorothy and
I were getting dressed and we were in our negligay as usual when there
was quite a loud knock on the door and before we could even say come in
he jumped right into the room. So it seems that he is of French
extraction. I mean Lady Francis Beekman’s solicitor can really squeal
just like a taxi driver. I mean he was squealing quite loud when he
jumped into the room and he kept right on squealing. So Dorothy and I
rushed into the parlor and Dorothy looked at him and Dorothy said,
“This town has got to stop playing jokes on us every morning” because
our nerves could not stand it. So Mons. Broussard handed us his card
and he squealed and squealed and he really waved his arms in the air
quite a lot. So Dorothy said He gives quite a good imitation of the
Moulan Rouge, which is really a red wind mill, only Dorothy said he
makes more noise and he runs on his own wind. So we stood and watched
him for quite a long while, but he seemed to get quite monotonous after
quite a long while because he was always talking in French, which
really means nothing to us. So Dorothy said “Lets see if 25 francs will
stop him, because if 5 francs will stop a taxi driver, 25 francs ought
to stop an advocat.” Because he was making about 5 times as much noise
as a taxi driver and 5 times 5 is 25. So as soon as he heard us start
in to talk about francs he seemed to calm down quite a little. So
Dorothy got her pocket book and she gave him 25 francs. So then he
stopped squealing and he put it in his pocket, but then he got out
quite a large size handkerchief with purple elefants on it and he
started in to cry. So Dorothy really got discouraged and she said,
“Look here, you have given us a quite an amusing morning but if you
keep that up much longer, wet or dry, out you go.”
So then he started in to pointing at the telephone and he seemed to
want to use the telephone and Dorothy said, “If you think you can get a
number over that thing, go to it, but as far as we have found out, it
is a wall bracket.” So then he started in to telephone so Dorothy and I
went about our business to get dressed. So when he finished telephoning
he kept running to my door and then he kept running to Dorothy’s door,
and he kept on crying and talking a lot, but he seemed to have lost all
of his novelty to us so we paid no more attention to him.
So finally there was another loud knock on the door so we heard him
rush to the door so we both went in to the parlor to see what it was
and it really was a sight. Because it was another Frenchman. So the new
Frenchman rushed in and he yelled Papa and he kissed him. So it seems
that it was his son because his son is really his papa’s partner in the
advocat business. So then his papa talked quite a lot and then he
pointed at I and Dorothy. So then his son looked at us and then his son
let out quite a large size squeal, and he said in French “May papa,
elles sont sharmant.” So it seems he was telling his papa in French
that we were really charming. So then Mons. Broussard stopped crying
and put on his glasses and took a good look at us. So then his son put
up the window shade, so his papa could get a better look at us. So when
his papa had finished looking at us he really became delighted. So he
became all smiles and he pinched our cheeks and he kept on saying
Sharmant all of the time because Sharmant means charming in the French
languadge. So then his son broke right out into english and he really
speaks english as good as an American. So then he told us his papa
telephoned for him to come over because we did not seem to understand
what his papa was saying to us. So it seems that Mons. Broussard had
been talking to us in english all of the time but we did not seem to
understand his kind of english. So Dorothy said, “If what your papa was
talking in was english, I could get a gold medal for my greek.” So then
his son told his papa and his papa laughed very very loud and he
pinched Dorothys cheek and he was very delighted even if the joke was
on him. So then Dorothy and I asked his son what he was saying, when he
was talking to us in english and his son said he was telling us all
about his client, Lady Francis Beekman. So then we asked his son why
his papa kept crying. So then his son said his papa kept crying because
he was thinking about Lady Francis Beekman. So Dorothy said, “If he
cries when he thinks about her, what does he do when he looks at her?”
So then his son explained to his papa what Dorothy said. So then Mons.
Broussard laughed very very loud, so then he kissed Dorothy’s hand, so
he said, after that, we would all really have to have a bottle of
champagne. So he went to the telephone and ordered a bottle of
champagne.
So then his son said to his papa, “Why do we not ask the charming
ladies to go out to Fountainblo to-day.” So his papa said it would be
charming. So then I said, “How are we going to tell you gentlemen
apart, because if it is the same in Paris as it is in America, you
would both seem to be Monshure Broussard.” So then we got the idea to
call them by their first name. So it seems that his son’s name is Louie
so Dorothy spoke up and said, “I hear that they number all of you
Louies over here in Paris.” Because a girl is always hearing some one
talk about Louie the sixteenth who seemed to be in the anteek furniture
business. I mean I was surprised to hear Dorothy get so historical so
she may really be getting educated in spite of everything. But Dorothy
told Louie he need not try to figure out his number because she got it
the minute she looked at him. So it seems his papa’s name is Robber,
which means Robert in French. So Dorothy started in to think about her
25 francs and she said to Robber, “Your mother certainly knew her
grammer when she called you that.”
So Dorothy said we might as well go out to Fountainblo with Louie and
Robber if Louie would take off his yellow spats that were made out of
yellow shammy skin with pink pearl buttons. Because Dorothy said, “Fun
is fun but no girl wants to laugh all of the time.” So Louie is really
always anxious to please, so he took off his spats but when he took off
his spats, we saw his socks and when we saw his socks we saw that they
were Scotch plaid with small size rainbows running through them. So
Dorothy looked at them a little while and she really became quite
discouraged and she said, “Well Louie, I think you had better put your
spats back on.”
So then Leon, our friend who is the waiter, came in with the bottle of
champagne. So while he was opening the bottle of champagne Louie and
Robber talked together in French quite a lot and I really think I had
ought to find out what they said in French because it might be about
the diamond tiara. Because French gentlemen are very very gallant, but
I really do not think a girl can trust one of them around a corner. So,
when I get a chance, I am going to ask Leon what they said.
So then we went to Fountainblo and then we went to Momart and we got
home very late, and we really had quite a delightful day and night,
even if we did not go out shopping and buy anything. But I really think
we ought to do more shopping because shopping really seems to be what
Paris is principaly for.
May 1st:
Well this morning I sent for Leon, who is Dorothy and my waiter friend,
and I asked him what Louie and Robber said in French. So it seems that
they said in French that we seemed to attract them very very much
because they really thought that we were very very charming, and they
had not met girls that were so charming in quite a long time. So it
seems that they said that they would ask us out a lot and that they
would charge up all the bills to Lady Francis Beekman because they
would watch for their chance and they would steal the diamond tiara. So
then they said that even if they could not steal it from us, we were
really so charming that it would be delightful to go around with us,
even if they could not steal from us. So no matter what happens they
really could not lose. Because it seems that Lady Francis Beekman would
be glad to pay all the bills when they told her they had to take us out
a lot so they could watch for their chance and steal it. Because Lady
Francis Beekman is the kind of a wealthy lady that does not spend money
on anything else but she will always spend money on a law suit. And she
really would not mind spending the money because it seems that
something either I or Dorothy said to Lady Francis Beekman seemed to
make her angry.
So then I decided it was time to do some thinking and I really thought
quite a lot. So I told Dorothy I thought I would put the real diamond
tiara in the safe at the Ritz and then I would buy an imitation of a
diamond tiara at the jewelry store that has the imitations that are
called paste. So then I would leave the imitation of the diamond tiara
lying around, so Louie and Robber could see how careless I seem to be
with it so then they would get full of encouradgement. So when we go
out with Louie and Robber I could put it in my hand bag and I could
take it with me so Louie and Robber could always feel that the diamond
tiara was within reach. So then Dorothy and I could get them to go
shopping and we could get them to spend quite a lot and every time they
seemed to get discouradged, I could open my hand bag, and let them get
a glimpse of the imitation of a diamond tiara and they would become
more encouradged and then they would spend some more money. Because I
even might let them steal it at the last, because they were really
charming gentlemen after all and I really would like to help Louie and
Robber. I mean it would be quite amusing for them to steal it for Lady
Francis Beekman and she would have to pay them quite a lot and then she
would find out it was only made out of paste after all. Because Lady
Francis Beekman has never seen the real diamond tiara and the imitation
of a diamond tiara would really deceive her, at least until Louie and
Robber got all of their money for all of the hard work they did. I mean
the imitation of a diamond tiara would only cost about 65 dollars and
what is 65 dollars if Dorothy and I could do some delightful shopping
and get some delightful presents that would even seem more delightful
when we stopped to realize that Lady Francis Beekman paid for them. And
it would teach Lady Francis Beekman a lesson not to say what she said
to two American girls like I and Dorothy, who were all alone in Paris
and had no gentleman to protect them.
So when I got through telling Dorothy what I thought up, Dorothy looked
at me and looked at me and she really said she thought my brains were a
miracle. I mean she said my brains reminded her of a radio because you
listen to it for days and days and you get discouradged and just when
you are getting ready to smash it, something comes out that is a
masterpiece.
So then Louie called us up so Dorothy told him that we thought it would
be delightful if he and Robber would take us out shopping tomorrow
morning. So then Louie asked his papa and his papa said they would. So
then they asked us if we would like to go to see a play called The
Foley Bergere tonight. So he said that all of the French people who
live in Paris are always delighted to have some Americans, so it will
give them an excuse to go to the Foley Bergere. So we said we would go.
So now Dorothy and I are going out shopping to buy the imitation of a
diamond tiara and we are going out window shopping to pick out where we
would like Louie and Robber to take us shopping tomorrow.
So I really think that everything always works out for the best.
Because after all, we really need some gentlemen to take us around
until Mr. Eisman gets to Paris and we could not go around with any
really attractive gentlemen because Mr. Eisman only wants me to go out
with gentlemen that have brains. So I said to Dorothy that, even if
Louie and Robber do not look so full of brains, we could tell Mr.
Eisman that all we were learning from them was French. So even if I
have not seemed to learn French yet, I have really almost learned to
understand Robbers english so when Robber talks in front of Mr. Eisman
and I seem to understand what he is saying, Mr. Eisman will probably
think I know French.
May 2nd:
So last night we went to the Foley Bergere and it really was devine. I
mean it was very very artistic because it had girls in it that were in
the nude. So one of the girls was a friend of Louie and he said that
she was a very very nice girl, and that she was only 18 years of age.
So Dorothy said, “She is slipping it over on you Louie, because how
could a girl get such dirty knees in only 18 years?” So Louie and
Robber really laughed very very loud. I mean Dorothy was very unrefined
at the Foley Bergere. But I always think that when girls are in the
nude it is very artistic and if you have artistic thoughts you think it
is beautiful and I really would not laugh in an artistic place like the
Foley Bergere.
So I wore the imitation of a diamond tiara to the Foley Bergere. I mean
it really would deceeve an expert and Louie and Robber could hardly
take their eyes off of it. But they did not really annoy me because I
had it tied on very very tight. I mean it would be fatal if they got
the diamond tiara before Dorothy and I took them shopping a lot.
So we are all ready to go shopping this morning and Robber was here
bright and early and he is in the parlor with Dorothy and we are
waiting for Louie. So I left the daimond tiara on the table in the
parlor so Robber could see how careless I really am with everything but
Dorothy is keeping her eye on Robber. So I just heard Louie come in
because I heard him kissing Robber. I mean Louie is always kissing
Robber and Dorothy told Louie that if he did not stop kissing Robber,
people would think that he painted batiks.
So now I must join the others and I will put the diamond tiara in my
hand bag so that Louie and Robber will feel that it is always around
and we will all go shopping. And I almost have to smile when I think of
Lady Francis Beekman.
May 3rd:
Yesterday was really delightful. I mean Louie and Robber bought Dorothy
and I some delightful presents. But then they began to run out of all
the franks they had with them, so they began to get discouradged but
just as soon as they began to get discouradged, I gave Robber my hand
bag to hold while I went to the fitting room to try on a blouse. So he
was cheered up quite a lot, but of course Dorothy stayed with them and
kept her eye on Robber so he did not get a chance. But it really
cheered him up quite a lot to even hold it.
So after all their franks were gone, Robber said he would have to
telephone to some one, so I suppose he telephoned to Lady Francis
Beekman and she must have said All right because Robber left us at a
place called the Cafe de la Paix because he had to go on an errand and
when he came back from his errand he seemed to have quite a lot more
franks. So then they took us to luncheon so that after luncheon we
could go out shopping some more.
But I am really learning quite a lot of French in spite of everything.
I mean if you want delicious chicken and peas for luncheon all you have
to say is “pettypas” and “pulle.” I mean French is really very easy,
for instance the French use the word “sheik” for everything, while we
only seem to use it for gentlemen when they seem to resemble Rudolf
Valentino.