Shure multiplication--of chiefs--_is_ vexation,
But faix, there is fun in substhraction.
Addition will you knit with me as one unit,
And unity flabberghasts faction.
As for rule o' three!--betther one, and that me!
The wise, and the sthrong, and the clever!
But till _Oi_'m up top, and all over the shop,
I'll cry, "Long division for iver!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: ECONOMY.--_Pat._ "And ye say, if I take this one, I'll
save ha'f the fuul? Bedad!"--(_struck with a bright idea_)--"I'll take
a pair of 'em--and save it all--!!"]
[Illustration: _Fisherman (beginner)._ "Don't you think, Peter, I've
improved a good deal since I began?"
_Peter (anxious to pay a compliment)._ "You have, sorr. But sure it was
aisy for _you_ to improve, sorr!"]
[Illustration: _Irish Bag Carrier (commenting on the crack shot of the
party)._ "Sure, thin, and I do not think much av him! Ivery lot o'
birds he'll be afther firin' both barrels of his gun, and divil a one
he kills but two!"]
[Illustration: GROVES OF BLARNEY.--"And it's a perfect miracle the
sounds ye manage to extract from that old tin kettle, Miss Cecilia;
sure we don't hear the dumb notes at all!"]
[Illustration: A MISUNDERSTANDING.--_His Master._ "Did you take those
boots of mine to be soled, Larry?"
_Irish Valet._ "I did, sor, and see the thrifle the blag'yard gave me
for'm!--'said they were purty nigh wore through!!"]
[Illustration: IRISH INGENUITY.--_Saxon Tourist._ "What on earth
are you lowering the shafts for?" (_He has just found out that this
man[oe]uvre is gone through at every ascent._)
_Car-Driver._ "Shure, yer 'onner, we'll make 'm b'lave he's goin' down
hill!"]
[Illustration: TRANSPOSITION.--_Irish Sergeant._ "Mark time! Change
your stip, that man!"
_Recruit._ "If ye plaze surr----"
_Sergeant._ "Silence--an' fall out at oncet an' change your feet!"]
[Illustration: REMINISCENCES OF HEDGE-FIRING
_Itinerant Photographer (from under the cloth)._ "Will you keep quiet?
How do you suppose----"
_Subject (who is evading the focus)._ "Be jabers, man! will I sit still
to be shot at?!!"]
[Illustration: "IN EXTREMIS."--Pat. "Do ye buy rags and bones here?"
_Merchant._ "We do, surr."
_Pat._ "Thin, be jabers! put me on the schkales!!"]
[Illustration: THE VERDICT.--_First Irishman (waiting in the
corridor--to his friend, rushing in from the Court)._ "What's Tim got?"
_Second Irishman (in a breathless whisper)._ "For loife!"
_First Irishman._ "For loife!" (_With emotion._) "Och shure, he won't
live half the thoime!!"]
[Illustration: _One of the Finest Pisantry (in custody, having had a
shillelagh difference with a fellow-countryman)._ "Shure! Mayn't Oi see
me frind aff b' the thrain, sorr?"]
[Illustration: _Lady_. "I was awfully sorry, professor, I was unable to
come to your lecture last night. Were there many there?"
_The Professor_ (_Irish_). "Um--well--not so many as I expected. But I
never thought there would be!"]