appeared the very reasonable desire of mine hostess: first of all,
I might do her a mischief by staying; in the second place, the
lady might complain to her brother; in the third place, the White
Hart at Guildford was a remarkably good inn; and a well-made bed,
and a well-warmed bed-room, would be extremely comfortable by
comparison with the chilly atmosphere and the chair-slumber of the
parlour behind the bar at Ripley. To Guildford I must eventually
proceed,--and why not now? So, with the best possible grace, I told
mine hostess that I was at her command, and begged of her to dispose
of me as she thought fit.
"I paid her liberally for the horses, the repast, and the portion of
my night's rest which I ought to have had; and when I stepped into
the 'yellow and two,' I shook hands with her, and she gave me a look
as much as to say, again and again, 'Daly, Daly! you are not to be
trusted.'
"Well, sir, away I went, glasses rattling, and wind whistling (a
short stage, you know); and, before four, we reached the White Hart.
I had forestalled my Guildford sleep in the chaise; however, we soon
made them hear at the inn, and in less than three quarters of an hour
I was again rolled up in the sheets, having before I went to bed
written a note to my servant at Wrigglesworth, which I desired might
be sent off early in the morning, directing him, after leaving word
with Sir Marmaduke's man that I was alive, if not merry, to come to
me with my clothes and other requisites for dressing by ten o'clock;
and certainly, I must say, I never did enjoy my rest and quietness so
entirely and completely as upon that particular occasion. Instead of
ten o'clock--having desired that I might not be disturbed--I did not
awake until past noon, and then regretted that my balmy comfort had
been broken in upon.
"From my servant, when I saw him, I learned that my friends at
Wrigglesworth had really expressed great anxiety on my account, which
did not displease me,--I rather like to create an effect,--but I did
not hear that my dear Lady Wrigglesworth had either absented herself
from dinner or disappeared for the evening in consequence of my
absence, which I confess mortified my vanity a little. I dressed, and
having ensconced myself in the drawing-room of the White Hart, the
walls of which apartment were most constitutionally decorated with
loyal and orthodox prints, and which immediately faces the Gothic
House, I delighted myself by watching the movements of two uncommonly
pretty girls in the said antiquated edifice, who appeared to be in
full possession, in the absence, as I surmised, of some greater, and
probably graver, personages.
"After breakfast I strolled out. I like Guildford: it is a nice,
clean, handsome, healthy town; the hill in the street I admit to be
a nuisance; the alternation between climbing up and sliding down
is tiresome, and even dangerous. These little objections did not
affect me--nothing affects me when I am on the hunt for subjects--so
away I went--smack bang into a Quaker's shop to buy myself a pair
of gloves--and there--there I saw what I had never before seen--two
Quaker children playing about the place, thee'ing and thou'ing each
other with perfect French familiarity. Now, do _you_ know," continued
Daly, "it is quite worthy of remark,--that nobody--always, I presume,
excepting Quakers themselves--has ever seen a Quaker baby in arms,
a Quaker lady _enceinte_, or a Quaker gentleman with a _wooden_
leg--eh? I like these statistical speculations. So, having bought my
gloves, I returned to 'mine inn,' about one, intending forthwith to
proceed to Wrigglesworth.
"Just as I reached the door of the White Hart, and just as my man was
bringing out my horses, my eye was attracted by a funeral procession,
consisting merely of a hearse, one mourning coach, and a private
carriage, which had halted before the door; two persons who had
occupied the coach having entered the house while fresh horses were
put to the three vehicles. A natural and not very blameable curiosity
prompted me to ask a jolly, merry-looking undertaker, whose funeral
it was, whither they were going, and whence they had come?
"'Why, sir,' said the man, 'what you see here isn't the regular job
as I hopes to turn it out at Chichester next Tuesday, which is the
day fixed for the interment of the corpse. Short notice, you see,
sir; could not do everything in a minute, sir.'
"'What is the name of the----?' I hesitatingly asked.
"'Miss Barmingfield, sir,' said the man, 'is the name of the corpse.
Poor young lady, it was as well as you and me three days ago, and was
a coming down to Chichester to spend a month with its mother; when,
just in a minute, it was taken ill at Ripley, and out it went for all
the world like the snuff of a candle.'
"'At Ripley!' said I; 'did she live at Ripley?'
"'No, sir, she didn't,' said the undertaker; 'you'll excuse _me_--she
died there.'
"'But she must have lived there first, I presume,' said I, rather
angrily; for a joker hates to be joked upon.
"'A very short time indeed,' said the jolly undertaker. 'She arrived
at the Talbot the day before yesterday, about twelve o'clock, in high
health, and by six at night, as I said afore, she was a corpse.'
"'At the Talbot!' said I. 'And are you bringing the body from the
Talbot now?'
"'Yes, sir,' said the man; 'on our way to Chichester. We could not
move her, poor dear young lady, afore, because I couldn't get things
ready till this morning.'
"'Pray,' said I, with a degree of agitation which evidently
astonished my companion in the crape, 'where--in what part of the
Talbot at Ripley did the young lady die?'
"'In Number 3; that 'ere double-bedded room right over the gateway,'
said the man. 'We only packed her up this morning.'
"My dear Gurney, you may easily imagine what my feelings were. Only
conceive the idea of having been turned into a double-bedded room
in the dark with a dead woman! It was lucky that the horses were
pronounced ready, and that Major Barmingfield, whose residence at
Ripley mine hostess had so truly announced, made his appearance just
at the moment that the undertaker had enlightened me on the subject.
I felt a mingled sensation of horror at the event, of joy at my
escape from the place where it occurred, and of repentance for my
misconduct towards my landlady, who had so good-naturedly strained a
point for my accommodation, which nearly overset me; and I have not a
notion what I should have done, had it not been that the coldness of
the weather afforded me an excuse for drinking off a glass of brandy,
and the lateness of the hour forced me to mount my nag and begin my
canter to Wrigglesworth forthwith."
A VISIT TO THE OLD BAILEY.
As I entered the Court, a case of some importance had terminated,
and the judge just concluded his summing up, when the clerk of
the arraigns put the customary question to the jury, "How say ye,
gentlemen--is the prisoner at the bar guilty or not guilty?" Upon
which the jurymen laid their heads together, and I heard something
in a whisper from their foreman, who immediately pronounced the
agreeable verdict, "Not guilty." The prisoner bowed gracefully--he
was a pickpocket--and retired.
The prompt decision of the jury convinced me that it must have been
a clear case; and I rejoiced at the departure of the now exonerated
sufferer.
"That's a reg'lar rascal," said the sheriff to me in a whisper;
"never was such a case heard on, to be sure--seventeen watches,
thirty-two pocket handkerchiefs, four pair of spectacles, and five
snuff-boxes, all found upon his person!"
"Yet," said I, "the evidence could not have been very strong against
him--the jury acquitted him after a minute's consultation."
"Evidence, Mr. Gurney!" said the sheriff, "how little do you know of
the Old Bailey!--why, if these London juries were to wait to consider
evidence, we never should get through the business--the way we do
here is to make a zig-zag of it."
I did not exactly comprehend the term as it was now applied, although
Daly had often used it in my society with reference to a pin and a
card universally employed at the interesting game of _rouge et noir_;
and I therefore made no scruple of expressing my ignorance.
"Don't you understand, sir?" said the sheriff--"why, the next
prisoner will be found guilty--the last was acquitted--the one
after the next will be acquitted too--it comes alternate like--save
half, convict half--that's what we call a zig-zag; and taking the
haggregate, it comes to the same pint, and I think justice is done as
fair here as in any court in Christendom."
This explanation rendered the next prisoner who made his appearance
an object of considerable interest to me. He was a little dirty boy,
who stood charged with having stolen a pound of bacon and a peg-top
from a boy somewhat his junior. The young prosecutor produced a
witness, who, as far as appearances went, might, without any great
injustice, have taken the place of the prisoner, and who gave
his evidence with considerable fluency and flippancy. His manner
attracted the notice of one of the leading barristers of the court,
Mr. Flappertrap, who, in cross-examining him, inquired whether he
knew the nature of an oath.
"Yes, I does," said the boy.
"Explain it," said Flappertrap.
"You may be d----d," replied the lad; "that's a hoath, arn't it?"
"What does he say?" said the judge--who, as I about this period
discovered, was as deaf as a post.
"He says, 'You may be d----d,' my lord," said Flappertrap, who
appeared particularly glad of an opportunity to borrow a phrase,
which he might use for the occasion.
"What does he mean by that?" said the judge. That is the way, my
lord, he exhibits his knowledge of the nature of an oath."
"Pah! pah!" said the judge--"Boy, d'ye hear me?"
"Yes," said the boy, "I hears."
"Have you ever been to school?"
"Yes," said the boy, "in St. Giles's parish for three years."
"Do you know your catechism?"
The boy muttered something which was not audible to the court
generally, and was utterly lost upon the judge personally.
"What does he say?" said his lordship.
"Speak up, sir," said Mr. Flappertrap.
The boy muttered again, looking down and seeming embarrassed.
"Speak louder, sir," said another barrister, whose name I did not
know, but who was remarkable for a most unequivocal obliquity of
vision--"speak to his lordship--look at him--look as I do, sir."
"I can't," said the boy, "you squints!"
A laugh followed this bit of _naïvete_, which greatly abashed the
counsellor, and somewhat puzzled the judge.
"What does he say?" said his lordship.
"He says he knows his catechism, my lord."
"Oh--does not know his catechism--why then, what--"
"_Does_ know, my lord," whispered the lord mayor, who was in the
chair.
"Oh--ah--_does_ know--I know--here, boy," said his lordship, "you
know your catechism, do you?"
"Yes," replied he, sullenly.
"We'll see, then--what is your name?" said his lordship.
"My name," said the intelligent lad--"what, in the catechism?"
"Yes, what is your name?"
"M. or N. as the case may be," said the boy.
"Go down, go down," said the judge, angrily, and down he went.
"Gentlemen of the jury," said his lordship, "this case will require
very little of your attention--the only evidence against the prisoner
at the bar which goes to fasten the crime upon him, is that which
has been offered by the last witness, who evidently is ignorant of
the nature and obligation of an oath. With respect to the pig's toes
which the prisoner stands charged with stealing----"
"A peg-top, my lord!" said Flappertrap, standing up, turning round,
and speaking over the bench into the judge's ears.
"Peg-top," said his lordship--"oh--ah--I see--very bad pen--it looks
in my notes like pig's toes. Well--peg-top--of the peg-top which
it is alleged he took from the prosecutor, there has not been one
syllable mentioned by the prosecutor himself; nor do I see that the
charge of taking the bacon is by any means proved. There is no point
for me to direct your attention to, and you will say whether the
prisoner at the bar is guilty or not; and a very trumpery case it is
altogether, that I must admit."
His lordship ceased, and the jury again laid their heads together;
again the foreman gave the little "hem" of conscious readiness for
decision; again did the clerk of the arraigns ask the important
question, "How say ye, gentlemen, is the prisoner at the bar guilty
or not guilty?" "Guilty," said the foreman to the clerk of the
arraigns; and "I told you so," said the sheriff to me.
The next case was a short one. The prisoner a woman, the evidence
clear and straightforward; but no great interest was excited, because
it was known that the case, for the trial of which in point of fact
the learned judge had, for particular reasons, given his attendance,
and which accounted for his lordship's presence at the close of the
session, was very speedily to come on. This extraordinary combination
of circumstances afforded me the most favourable opportunity of
seeing all the sights of this half awful, half amusing scene, even to
the discharge of the grand jury, who had been specially kept together
for the purpose of finding or ignoring the bill preferred against
the eminent culprit, who was evidently the great attraction of the
day--having found which, they had but three more to decide upon.
It was in the middle of the defence of the female prisoner, now
"_coram nobis_," and just as she was making a beautiful but useless
appeal to the "gentlemen of the jury," that a bustle in the court
announced some coming event.
"I am," said the weeping prisoner, "an orphan--I lost my mother while
I was yet a child--my father married again, and I was driven from
what had been before a happy home--I have only to pray----"
Bang went a door--the scuffle of feet were heard--down went
some benches--"Make way--make way!" cried some of the officers.
"Stand back, sir, stand back--the gentlemen of the grand jury are
coming into court." To what the moaning prisoner at the bar might
have limited her supplications, I never had an opportunity of
ascertaining, for the noise I have mentioned was succeeded by the
appearance of eighteen or nineteen men, dressed up in something like
the shabbiest dominoes I had seen at Lady Wolverhampton's masquerade,
trimmed with very dirty fur--the leader, or foreman, carrying in
his hand three bits of parchment. As these gentlemen advanced to
a space reserved for them in the centre of the court, the judge
kept exchanging bows with them until they had all reached their
destination--the foreman then delivered to the clerk of arraigns
the three bits of parchment, who, putting his glasses on his nose,
read--James Hickson, larceny--not found.--John Hogg, felony--true
bill.--Mary Ann Hodges, felony--not found. The clerk then informed
his lordship, partly by words, and partly by signs, the result of the
deliberations of the grand jury, and the fact that there were no more
bills to set before them. Having thus far proceeded, that officer
inquired if the gentlemen of the grand jury had any presentment to
make; whereupon the foreman, one of the largest and dirtiest-looking
persons imaginable, but whose countenance was indicative of love
of power and command, and who appeared, at the moment he prepared
himself to unburthen his great soul of a grievance, to feel as if the
whole world were a football, made for him to play with,--
"My lord," said he, drawing himself up into an attitude, "I am sure
I need not, at this time of day, enter into any discussion with your
lordship on the vast importance of the rights and privileges of
Englishmen--of the original establishment of the trial by jury in
this country. It would be worse than idle to occupy your valuable
time and that of this court, by dilating upon the merits of our
constitution--the chiefest of which has, I may say--been always--and
I will say--wisely, considerately, and prudently held to be that
peculiar mode of administering justice between man and man. But, my
lord, if in civil cases the deliberation and decision of a jury are
considered adequate safeguards to the rights and property of the
people, the law, still more careful of their lives and liberties, has
interposed in criminal cases another and a higher tribunal, in the
nature of a grand jury." [Hereabouts the judge, having bowed his head
graciously, omitted to raise it again, having dropped into a sound
slumber.]
"That tribunal of mediation in the first instance, is full of
importance; and whatever subsequent proceedings may be taken in a
case, I do say, for myself and my fellows, that the decision upon
_ex-parte_ evidence requires more circumspection, more care, and more
consideration than a verdict delivered after a case had been argued,
and after witnesses have been heard on both sides.
"If, my lord, your lordship concedes this point, I will merely say,
generally, that when the mind is occupied by any important object,
more especially in matters of jurisprudence, it is absolutely
necessary that nothing, if possible, should occur to irritate or
exacerbate the feelings--all should be calm, and at rest."
Several people turned their eyes towards his lordship, and some
smiled.
"No incidental annoyance should be permitted to interpose itself;
nothing which could divert the judge from the point to which his
intellectual faculties ought to be directed, and to which, my
lord, under suitable circumstances, they would as they should
naturally converge. But, my lord, we are finite beings--creatures of
habit--subject to all the weaknesses of our nature, and liable to be
acted upon by impulses almost unaccountable to ourselves. For myself
and my fellows, I may, perhaps, hope for a favourable interpretation
of our intentions, and a lenient judgment of our conduct. We have,
my lord, struggled hard to do our duty, and I hope we have done it
serviceably and effectually--conscientiously and faithfully, I am
sure we have. But, my lord, we do think it necessary to call your
lordship's most serious attention to a fact which is embodied in
the presentment I hold in my hand. It is one which occurs to us to
be of paramount importance, as far as the tempering of justice with
mercy is involved: we have suffered grievously from the existence
of the evil to which we point; and although at this time of the
year its effects are of course not so heavily felt as in the winter
season, we have considered it a duty we owe to this court, to our
fellow-countrymen, and, we may say, to every man intimately or
remotely connected with the administration of criminal justice,
spread as they may be over the whole surface of the globe, to state
that the chimney in the grand jury-room smokes so much and so
continually, that it is impossible to endure its effects calmly or
patiently; and we therefore think it right to bring the matter thus
formally before your lordship, and to desire that measures may be
taken to abate a nuisance which, by its effects, is calculated to
thwart, impede, and even distort the course of justice, and produce
evils, the magnitude of which it is scarcely possible to imagine, and
certainly not to express."
A buzz of approbation from the gentlemen of the grand jury, who had
been undergoing the process of smoke-drying for several days, created
a stir in the court, in the midst of which the learned judge awoke;
and the lord mayor having whispered into his lordship's wig, his
lordship bowed, and the clerk took the parchment.
"Mr. Foreman, and gentlemen of the grand jury," said his lordship,
"I am happy to say that your labours for the present are concluded;
there are no more bills for your consideration. Your presentment
shall be attended to, and I have to acknowledge your great zeal and
attention, and to give you thanks for your services:--gentlemen, you
are now discharged."
The bows, and scufflings, and cries of "Make way there for the
gentlemen of the grand jury, who are coming out of court," were
resumed, and the orator and his peers retired, leaving the poor girl
at the bar, wondering what had happened, and what could be the reason
that the worshipful community with the cat-skin tippets should have
interposed themselves in the middle of her pathetic defence, in order
to discuss the irritating characteristic of a smoky chimney.
I admit that the pompous oratory of the foreman, the "_mons
parturiens_"--a splendid exhibition, and the "_ridiculus mus_," which
eventually presented itself, were to me treats of no common order,
and I regretted that Daly was not with me to participate with me in
devouring the grave absurdities which we should have had before us.
The trial of the girl was concluded, and I had no doubt as to her
fate, now that I became acquainted with the principle,--she was
acquitted, and never shall I forget the effect which this result
of her trial produced upon her manners and features. The moment my
friend Zig-zag had pronounced the words, "Not guilty," the pathetic
expression which had characterised her countenance turned into the
most humorous, and having winked her eye at the learned judge, who,
poor man, had summed up decidedly against her, she proceeded to place
her two hands extended in a right line from the tip of her nose, in
the direction of his lordship's seat, after the fashion of what is
called "taking a double sight," and then, making a noise which, if
not indescribable by imitation, is certainly irreducible to writing,
something between that which a hackney-coachman utters to encourage
his tired horses, and that which a duck makes when it sees either a
ditch or a drake in dry weather, she turned herself suddenly round
with the least graceful pirouette I ever saw, leaving one of the
hands which she had previously elevated for observation the last part
of her person visible.
A short case of pot-stealing followed--the prisoner was found guilty
in ten minutes; and then came _the_ case. It was a curious and
intricate one, and I felt quite assured, when I saw the prisoner, a
genteel-looking young man, take his place under the inverted mirror,
contrived with an almost diabolical ingenuity, so as to refract and
reflect the light upon his face from the huge window at his back; I
said to myself, having got both hardened and hungry during my short
probation in court, "We shall not dine at six to-day."
It might, perhaps, injure the feelings of the individual himself,
or, if he is dead, those of his friends and relations, to detail the
particular case, the more especially as nothing could be clearer than
that the crime laid to his charge was amply and satisfactorily--to
everybody except himself--proved and substantiated.
Just as the last witness for the defence was under cross-examination,
I saw one of the lord mayor's servants put his powdered head in a
little hole, and whisper something to the ordinary of Newgate, a
remarkably pious-looking man, in full canonicals, with a bag-wig,
which, to use Foote's phraseology, speaking of Dr. Simony (by whom,
as of course everybody knows, he meant the unfortunate Dr. Dodd),
"looked as white as a curd, and as close as a cauliflower." It struck
me that either the pretty wanton who had just been acquitted desired
some serious conversation with the clergyman, or that the last
convicted pot-stealer felt some qualms of conscience, and had sent
for spiritual assistance; but no,--my friend Mr. Sheriff Bucklesbury
relieved my mind from any such apprehensions, by inviting me to a
whisper, with an expression of countenance which convinced me that it
was nothing of so serious a character which had suddenly summoned the
reverend divine from the court.
"Good news!" said the sheriff; "land is in sight."
"What?" said I, not exactly catching the idea.
"Dinner is not far distant," said the sheriff, "the ordinary has been
sent for to dress the salad."
Well, thought I, that ever a man so dressed, and so addressed, as the
reverend divine opposite, should quit the seat of justice tempered
with mercy, to mix oil and vinegar in a salad-bowl, does seem
strange. It was evident to _me_, from the manner in which my friend
spoke of the chaplain's secular vocations, that his respect for the
table was infinitely greater than that which he entertained for the
cloth, and never from that day have I seen painted over suburban
inns, "an ordinary on Sundays at two o'clock," without thinking
of the reverend functionary so styled in the Old Bailey, and the
probable duties he would be called upon to perform.