minutes after six, his lordship began summing up. I have already
mentioned that his lordship was deaf, and the strange blunders
which I noticed in his early charges will perhaps serve to inform
the reader of these papers, whoever he may be, that his lordship's
handwriting was utterly unintelligible, even to himself; indeed,
so completely illegible were his notes, that the only resource his
lordship had, if ever they were called for upon motions for new
trials (which perhaps I need not here add, was in his lordship's
case by no means an unfrequent occurrence), was to send them to be
printed--printers being proverbially the best decypherers in the
world.
His lordship's charge--barring the inevitable blunders and
hesitations, rendered absolutely necessary by this almost hopeless
illegibility--was exceedingly minute and elaborated. He recapitulated
the evidence of the three first witnesses verbatim, and continued
thus of the fourth:--
"Now, gentlemen of the jury, here is Amos Hardy--Handy--no, not
Handy--Harding--Amos Harding tells you, that on Tuesday--no,
not Tuesday--I see--Friday the 14th--that is, the 24th--he
was going along Liverpool--no--Liquorpond Street--near Gug's
Island--Guy's--no--Gray's Inn Lane--yes--going along Liquorpond
Street, Gray's Inn Lane--at about eight o'clock in the morning--and
saw the fire break out of Mr. Stephenson's windows. This, gentlemen
of the jury, is a very remarkable fact--and in connection with some
other circumstances to which we shall presently come, is quite worthy
of your particular attention--you perceive that he swears to eight
o'clock in the morning."
"Evening, my lord," said Mr. Flappertrap, standing up and whispering
his lordship audibly.
"Evening is it?" said his lordship--"ay, so it is--evening--no
matter--he swears to the time at which he saw the fire break out--and
hence will naturally arise in your minds a chain of circumstances
which it will be my duty to endeavour to unravel. In the first
place----"
Hereabouts one of the servants of the court put his head in at
one of the doors at the back of the bench, and whispered the lord
mayor much after the same manner in which Mr. Flappertrap had just
before whispered the judge. His lordship immediately pulled out his
watch--then looked at the clock--and then wrote a few words upon a
slip of paper, and laid that slip of paper upon his lordship's notes.
The judge took up the memorandum, and tore it in pieces--as I thought
indignantly.
"You know what that means?" said my friend, the sheriff.
"No," said I.
"Dinner's waiting," replied my friend--an announcement which startled
me, as it seemed impossible but that it would be kept waiting for
some time. This little scene, however, was followed by the arrival of
the recorder, who, after bowing to the lord mayor, took his seat on
the bench.
"I told you so," said the sheriff; "Mr. Recorder is come to try the
remaining cases----" A cry of "Silence--pray, silence," indicated
that Mr. Sheriff Bucklesbury and I were speaking somewhat too loudly.
"The circumstances to which I allude," continued his lordship, after
he had torn up the note, "are in fact so clearly detailed in the
evidence you have heard, that to men of intelligence and experience,
like those I am now addressing, any attempt at explanation on my part
would be superfluous. The case appears a very clear one--you have
to decide upon the value of the evidence, and return your verdict
accordingly, giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubts you may
entertain on the question."
Never was I more surprised than at finding the promised explanations
and comparisons of fact and testimony so suddenly cut short, after
the manner of "the story of the Bear and Fiddle," and I could not
help, while the clerk of the arraigns was putting his accustomed
question to the jury, noticing the circumstance to my worshipful
friend.
"To be sure," said the sheriff, "don't you see--the time is up--he
smells the marrow puddings."
The jury, emulating the expedition of the judge, in one minute,
according to the zig-zag system, acquitted the prisoner; whereupon,
his lordship rising to depart, addressed that individual in words to
this effect:--
"Prisoner at the bar, you have been tried by an able, patient, and
conscientious jury of your countrymen, who, convinced like myself
of the enormity of your crime, and of the wicked intentions by
which you were actuated in its commission, have returned the only
verdict which they could justly and honestly return--they have well
discharged their duty. And although it is not my province in this
place to pronounce the awful sentence of the law upon you, I shall
take care----"
Here Mr. Flappertrap whispered his lordship that the jury had
acquitted the prisoner.
"By-and-by, sir," said his lordship, angry at being interrupted--"I
shall take care, young man, that an example shall be made in your
person of the----"
The lord mayor here ventured to suggest that the "young man" was
found not guilty.
"Very well, my lord--presently, presently," said his
lordship--"even-handedness of justice; and that an enormous offender
of your class may not be suffered to escape the just vengeance of the
laws which he has outraged."
Here Mr. Flappertrap whipped a bit of paper over the desk of the
bench into the very place which the announcement of dinner had
so recently occupied. His lordship looked at it, and exclaimed,
unconsciously--"Oh! ah!--umph!" and then continued--"It is true that
upon the present occasion the mercy and forbearance of the jury have
been exercised in a signal manner; and I trust their benevolence
and indulgence will not be thrown away upon you. I maintain my own
opinion still--yet they have decided, and I have only to receive that
decision--you are discharged, sir, and may go about your business;
but I can tell you this, young man, you have had a very narrow escape
indeed."
There was not a man in court who did not tacitly admit the truth and
justice of at least the concluding passage of his lordship's address
to the acquitted prisoner; nor was that individual himself the least
astonished of his lordship's auditors. The incident, however, was
worthy of its place in the day's proceedings, as producing a climax
to the judicial operations of the learned lord, and leaving upon the
minds of all his majesty's liege subjects then and there present, a
conviction, that however classical it maybe to picture Justice blind,
it is not, as a matter of convenience and utility, at all desirable
that she should also be deaf.
THE TOOTHPICK-MAKERS' COMPANY.
The day was extremely fine; the windows of the rooms opening to the
water, the house smelling of fried fish and mud, and the little boys
with naked legs screaming, "please to make a scramble," we having
attained this enviable position in the building which looked like
a race-stand, by treading a labyrinth of the dirtiest alleys and
stable-yards that ever pauper or pony inhabited. It was, however, a
joyous scene; and Hull, who was good enough to be my Mentor on the
occasion, pooh-poohed the waiters into allowing us to look at the
dinner-room, all laid out for the company; more than a hundred were
expected, partitions had been pulled down, holes cut out here, and
props poked in there, to afford the required accommodation; in short,
everything gave token of a goodly day.
Hull, who was at home everywhere, and everywhere popular, appeared,
as soon as he arrived, to supersede everybody else.
"My dear friend," said he, "I happen to know these people--the
Toothpick Makers are one of the most ancient corporations of the
city. My dear sir, the Mercers were incorporated in the 17th of
Richard the Second--I have a tract that will prove it--1393 they were
embodied--I know the clerk of the company at this day--so do you."
"No, I do not," said I.
"Pooh, pooh," said Hull, "don't tell _me_--Jemmy Hobbs--everybody
knows Jemmy Hobbs--married Miss Ball of Blackheath--'Splendid
fellow, Jemmy. Well! these Mercers are a fine company, so are the
Grocers,--St. Anthony is their patron. My dear sir, I am forced
to know all these things. Then there are the Drapers, and the
Fishmongers--pooh, pooh--Doctors, and Proctors, and Princes of the
Blood, are all fishmongers--Walworth was a fishmonger--eh--my dear
friend, you should see their paintings--splendid things--Spiridiona
Roma--fish in all seasons. Then there are the Goldsmiths and the
Skinners, and the Merchant Tailors--Linen Armourers--eh--queer
fellows, some of them; but I do assure you--" (this was said in a
whisper,) "you will see some men here to-day worth seeing."
"I suppose," said I, "the Toothpick Makers' Company was founded by
Curius Dentatus--whence comes the French _cure-dent_."
"Pooh, pooh," said Hull, "no such thing--much older than Curius
Dentatus--I happen to know--founded in the reign of Edward the Fifth,
my dear friend."
About this period the company began to arrive "thicker and faster,"
and certainly I had never seen any one of them before, which gave, at
least, an air of novelty to the scene. Generally speaking, they ran
fat, and wore white waistcoats, such as that to which I had likened
the bow window of 77, St. James's Street: they looked all very hot,
and puffed a good deal;--however, they kept coming and coming, until
the drawing-room, as a sort of thing like a bad conservatory, well
placed to the south-west, was called, was so full that I began to
be as hot as my companions. Six o'clock arrived, but no dinner; the
master of the house (who, from wearing a similar sort of uniform
waistcoat, I took to be a Toothpick Maker,) came in and spoke to some
of the fattest persons of the community, evidently intimating that
the banquet was ready--nevertheless no move was made, because it
appeared that Mr. Hicks had not arrived.
"You had better," said one of the more important persons in the room,
"let men be placed ready to see when Mr. Hicks arrives at the end of
the lane by the stables."
"Yes, sir," was the answer; and from that time I heard nothing
but Hicks and Mr. Hicks talked of, until I was driven by extreme
curiosity to inquire of my omniscient friend Hull, who Mr. Hicks was.
"Hicks!" exclaimed Hull--"why, my dear friend, you know Mr.
Hicks--the great Mr. Hicks--everybody knows Hicks."
"I for one," said I, "do not--" and it turned out that at the moment
I was not likely to be enlightened, for, just as Hull was about
to give me an account of this important personage, a hubbub and
bustle near the door, which speedily pervaded the whole assembly,
proclaimed his arrival. In a moment the buzz of conversation ceased,
a sort of circle was made round Mr. Hicks, and several of the most
distinguished members of the community hurried up to take their
places near him. Hull dragged me towards this sanctum, this magic
ring, and, with a look of the greatest importance, assured me, that
it was right that I should immediately be presented to Mr. Hicks. The
presentation accordingly took place, and no sooner was it over, than
one of the grandees came up to me, and, in a confidential whisper,
informed me that my place at dinner was on the left of Mr. Hicks,
as being a friend of the master. I concluded that the arrangement
was attributable to Hull, who, I found, was to be my neighbour on
the left, and, although I could have dispensed with the honour of so
close an approximation to the hero of the day, I rejoiced mightily
that I was placed so near my friend Hull, who would be as useful to
me upon such an occasion as is a catalogue of the pictures at an
exhibition anywhere else.
In a very short time dinner was announced, and Mr. Hicks, having the
master on his right hand, led the way to the large room upstairs,
round the whole of which the table ran, exhibiting, as I entered the
apartment, a lengthened line of tin covers, looking like a collection
of cuirasses, glittering on the board;--the heat was tremendous, and
the air redolent with fried flounders. A few minutes sufficed to
arrange us, grace was said by the chaplain, and we fell to. As in
all similar cases, the exercise of eating and drinking superseded
conversation or remark, and I, who did but little in that way myself,
and having therefore an opportunity of seeing the _modus operandi_
at my leisure, became suddenly enlightened as to the extent to which
such pleasures may be carried. Of each and every dish did each and
every man partake, from turtle to white-bait, both inclusive; by
comparison with the individuals now before and around me, my friend
Bucklesbury, whom I had a week before considered a prodigy in the
way of feeding, sank into insignificance; to the elaborated course
of fish succeeded a host of fowls, cutlets, hashes, stews, and other
things of that nature, accompanied by sundry haunches of venison,
and succeeded again by ducks innumerable, and peas immeasurable. The
destruction of all these articles was, however, effected with ease
in less than an hour and a half, during which the attentions paid to
Mr. Hicks were most marked and gratifying: if the sun shone in upon
the tip of his nose, the waiters were ordered to pull down the blinds
before him; if the gentlest breeze wantoned about the back of his
neck, the master of the house was called to shut the window behind
him; for _him_ the chairman culled the choicest bits; to _him_ the
landlord tendered his most particular wines: every eye was fixed on
_his_ actions, every ear seemed open to _his_ words; he had, however,
as yet spoken little, but had "eaten the more."
All sublunary pleasures must have an end, so had this dinner; and a
call of silence, and the thumping of the president's hammer upon the
table, announced that some professional gentlemen were about to sing
_Non nobis, Domine_. They began--we all standing up--I with the sun
full in my eyes, setting over London in all its glory. The voices
harmonised beautifully; but fine and melodious as they were, I felt
that the canon, or whatever it is called, very much resembled a fire
which, smouldering and smouldering in the low notes, kept perpetually
bursting out in a fresh place, when one fancied it out. As far as the
religious feeling of the thing goes, it was misplaced; and as for its
duration, it seemed to be more like three graces than one.
This over, the wine began to pass, and "beards to wag;" Hicks
grew condescending, and the day began to mend; the King's health
was given--song, God save the King--chorus by the company, all
standing--The Queen--The Prince of Wales--then the Duke of York
and the Army--the Duke of Clarence and the Navy--the Memory of St.
Ursula, the mother of all Toothpick Makers, with an appropriate glee,
received with loud cheers.
The Master then rose and begged to propose a toast. No sooner had
he uttered these words, than the whole room rang with applause, the
wine-glasses danced hornpipes upon the table to the music of the
forks and spoons, and the noise was tremendous. "I see," continued
the worthy president, "that you anticipate my intentions; gentlemen,
there could be no doubt upon your minds what the toast would be"
(more cheering). "I will not occupy your time, nor hinder you from
the gratification of your feelings upon this topic by dilating upon
the merits of the illustrious individual whose health I am about
to propose; whether we regard him in public life, guiding by his
zeal and energy the community which he fosters and protects by his
influence, or view him in private society, the ornament of the circle
of which he is the centre, our gratitude and admiration are equally
excited. Gentlemen, I will not trespass upon your time, or wound,
what I know to be the delicacy of his feelings, by recapitulating
the deeds which gild his name, and which have, during the last year,
added so much to his honour and reputation, and to the welfare
and comfort of his colleagues and associates:--I beg to propose
the health of Benjamin Spooner Hicks, Esq.,--a name dear to every
Englishman--with all the honours."
Then came a storm of applause unparalleled, at least in my
experience. A band of music, which had hitherto been silent, struck
up "See the Conquering Hero comes," and nine times nine cheers were
given in a style the most overwhelming. During this storm of rapture,
I seized the opportunity of once again asking Hull who Hicks was,
and what he had done, to deserve and receive all these extraordinary
marks of approbation and applause, but all I could extract from my
rubicund friend was, "Pooh, pooh,--don't tell me--you know Hicks--my
dear friend, everybody knows Hicks--there isn't a man better known in
the universe." There was no time amidst the din of glory to assure
him once more that I had by no possible accident ever heard his name
before, so I resumed my seat, as the object of our enthusiasm quitted
his, to return thanks. His up-rising was hailed by the company with
an almost Persic adoration:--silence at length having been obtained,
he spake--
"Sir, and Gentlemen,--There are certain periods in our existence
which entirely defy description--this, as far as I am concerned, is
one of them. I have been placed in many trying situations, and I
think I may say, without fear of contradiction, I have behaved as
became a man (loud cheers); I am aware that some of my efforts for
the benefit of my fellow-creatures have been crowned with success
(hear, hear, hear); and I am thankful to Providence that I am
possessed of the means to do good to them as is not so well off as
myself (loud cheers). I say, sir, it would be the height of baseness
for a man who has been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, not now
and then to take it out, and feed them as has not been so fortunate
(great cheering). My political feelings and principles I need not
touch upon (immense cheering); they are known to all the world
(tumultuous applause); I shall steadily maintain the course I have
heretofore followed, and observe the straight line, neither swerving
to the right, nor to the left, as little awed by the frown of power
as flattered by its smiles (hear, hear, hear).
"Gentlemen, I sincerely thank you for the honour you have done me,
and beg to drink all your good healths in return."
The shoutings were here renewed, but to an extent far beyond the
former exhibition. Mr. Hicks sat down, but still the thunder
continued; and scarcely had it subsided, even for a moment, when Mr.
Hicks, upon his legs again, caused a relapse which nearly drove me
mad.
Hicks waved his hand, and it was a calm--you might have heard a pin
drop--he had to propose the health of the worshipful chairman, the
Master of the Toothpick Makers' Company.
After expressing in almost the same words that Hicks had just before
used, his conviction that this was the "proudest moment of his
life," the chairman continued to observe, that if anything could
possibly add to the gratification of having his health drunk by
such an assembly, it was the fact of its having been proposed by
such an individual. He then proceeded to say, that he was quite
sure in that society, composed as it was of men of all parties, all
professions, and all politics, he need not expatiate upon the merits
of the honourable gentleman to whom he had previously alluded--they
were known all over the world. _He_, like Hicks, returned the most
heartfelt acknowledgments for the favour he had received at their
hands, and sat down amidst very loud acclamations.
Still I was left in ignorance of all the great deeds which "gilt" my
friend Hicks's "humble name;" and I found, being so near him, that it
was quite impossible to get enlightenment. At length, however, I was
destined to hear something of the character of his achievements; for
shortly after the worshipful master had sat down, and just before the
healths of the wardens of the Toothpicks, or some such functionaries,
were about to be toasted, a tall, thin, pale man--a rare specimen
in the Museum--rose and said, as nearly as I can recollect, what
follows:--
"Sir, I am sure you will forgive me for the intrusion I now
venture upon; but I cannot permit this opportunity to pass without
expressing, on my own part and on the behalf of several of my worthy
neighbours, a sense of our obligation--and, indeed, the sense of
obligation under which, like us, the rest of civilised Europe, are
laid, by the manly, courageous, zealous, and indefatigable exertions
of the honourable gentleman on the right of the chair, to whom you
have so justly referred (loud cheers). It may, perhaps, be thought
superfluous in me to enlarge upon a subject so familiar to your
hearts; but I cannot avoid mentioning a trait which at once displays
the greatness of that honourable gentleman's mind, the prowess of
his courage, and his immutable determination to do justice to all
men"--(still louder cheers followed this point).
"I think," continued the pale man, "I need not speak more distinctly
upon the subject to which I allude." (Here shouts rent the room,
and glasses began to dance again.) "But, lest there should be any
gentleman present, who might by accident be unacquainted with the
circumstance to which I refer"--(cries of "no, no! impossible! hear,
hear! order, order!") "I say, _if_--for it may be so--if such a thing
should be, I think it best at once to explain, that the conduct to
which I now specifically refer, but which I may truly say is of a
piece with every action of his honoured life, is that which our great
benefactor--and friend--if he will allow me so to call him"--(Hicks
nodded, and said "hear!")--"observed upon the occasion of removing
the lamp from the corner of Black Lion Street to the head of Spittle
Court." (Immense cheering.) "Sir, I do not wish to go into the
question of the eleven yards of pavement from the Swan Inn to the
bootmaker's"--(roars of laughter burst from part of the company, as
the evident severity of this remark upon the conduct of some other
eminent individual, murmurs from others, "hear, hear!" from many, and
"oh, oh!" from a few!) "I strictly confine myself to the lamp; and I
do say, without fear of contradiction, that the benefit conferred on
society by that change, and the manly way in which it was effected,
without truckling to the higher powers, or compromising the character
and dignity of the Company, has shed immortal lustre upon the name
and fame of the honourable gentleman to whom I have alluded. (Immense
cheers.) I have to apologize for this effusion"--("no, no! bravo")
"but it is involuntary. I have for several months laboured under
emotions of no ordinary nature; I have now unburdened my mind, and
have done my duty to myself, my honourable friend, and my country."
The ogre sat down amidst the loudest possible applause, and more
shouts were sent forth in honour of Hicks.