“Grocer man will be here this p. m. for collect bill,” she corrode with
indignation peculiar to debts. “Here are 20$ banknote for payment. I
owe him 26$. Tell him to keep the change.”
So she part off, leaving me that 20$ paper of extreme value. Mr.
Editor, it make me nervus to be alone with great wealth. Sipposing some
burglary should come by window? Sipposing my dishonest instinct should
fly up and make me skip Canada with cash-money?
Yet I was entirely faithful by that 20$. I took him and fold him to
smallish wad, then I lay him carefully in crack of sofa where burglars
could not see, yet I could not forget where was. Hon. Vacuum stood near
purring softly while I done this. Who could expect what shall be?
Me & Hon. Vacuum continue our vacuous task, making kick-back of dust
wherever was. I run him over rugs so oftenly that he pull holes from
them. I make him sniff all cobble-webs from the pictures & poke his
nose into each corner where was. We was very friendly, me & Vacuum.
I continue to vac. After Hon. Vacuum had sniffed off all wall paper,
sideboard, etc., I remember how upholsterish chairs & sofas must be
cured of germs also, so I vacuate these velvet upholsters. I was doing
very nicely, thank you, when, of suddenly, I point nose of Hon. Vacuum
to sofa where that 20$ bill was setting tightly. Yet no financial
panics came to me until--O FRIGHTS!! _That 20$ bill begin hopping
toward Hon. Vacuum’s nose with hypnofied expression peculiar to birds
when eaten by charming snakes!_
I make snatch for money--alast! I was too late in beginning. Hon. Bill
make leap to nose of Hon. Vacuum--gollup! Down long, thin throat of
this machinery that wealthy cash was swallowed. I try to choke him so
he give it back,--but useless it was. That cash-paper had flipped into
his interior digestion before Jack Robinson could say it.
So I unbotton electricity and look down Hon. Vacuum with considerable
angry rage. What had he did with my trustful money? O how my
indignation jump up! How could this mechanical snake treat me so
trickful after I had chaperoned him and fed him dust for several
complete days? I shook him with grand cruelty in hopes to make him
cough back that wealth of Mrs. Hirem B. Bellus. He remain entirely
bulldoggish with that bill clasped somewheres inside.
Then I remember how Mrs. Bellus had told me how trash suctioned
away by Hon. Vacuum was blowed high-ward through hole in roof. Maybe
I should catch that 20$ yet before he got out! So with immediate
quickness I got top-ladder & clomb to roof where I dishcover hole. Yet
it was entirely penniless. Now & occasionally slight spurt of dust
blow from hole; sometimes one shoe-button would popp out from where
Hon. Vacuum had kicked him. Yet that hole remain like a bursted bank,
refusing to surrender money.
Afar off in direction of Pennsylvania I could observe slight dusty
expression of sky. I feel sure that was Mrs. Bellus’ money travelling
West.
Enjoying great discouragements I got down from that roofly seat and
wrote following telegram to Mrs. Bellus before walking farewell:
“Togo is resigned. Hon. Vacuum blow your 20$. So sorry to say.
The unexpected often happen, so you may get this money back, as
I do not see how you ever can. When last seen it was going to
Pennsylvania where I shall be there to catch it if he fall down
and send back by P. O. delivery.”
When I wrote this telegram I pin him to kitchen door and walk rapidly
away with expression of one going West and expecting to arrive there.
And while travelling I think of one wise quotation: “Nature abhors a
Vacuum.” I am agreeable to Nature in this.
Hoping you are the same,
Yours truly,
_Hashimura Togo_.