“Mrs. Madam,” I reproach, “tell me this reply. When Hon. Vacuum supp up
dust from this carpet, to where do it go to?”
She indicate Heaven with her thumb.
“Up there is grand blow-away hole which shoo it off,” she answer it.
So I continue on absorbing hairpins, string and other germs through
that succulent machinery.
No lady I work for are equally balanced in their manias. Some are
crazed about houseflies; cookery seem to make others continuously
het-up; others seem to reverberate with pain when mentioning
clothes-starch. This Mrs. Hirem B. Bellus was especially hobbed on that
Vacuum Cleanliness. She could forgive all other crimes, no matter if I
brought in beefstake too much charcoaled around edges. It no matter if
I too sluggish with my feet to answer door when it bells. It no matter
if I make outrageous beds or knock gentle glasswear in hard sink. She
forgive. But she was deliciously disgusted if Hon. Vacuum was not
mourning & howelling all day long while Togo poke its nose around among
rugs & other brick-brack.
Her husband disagree from this.
“Togo’s biscuits fill my teeth with hatred while his coffee show
contemptible weakness,” Hon. Bellus dib for breakfast.
“Perhapsly,” refute Hon. Mrs., “yet he are one of the best Vacuum
Engineers I ever hired.”
“I cannot eat a Vacuum,” reject that Husband-man, with hat-in-the-ring
expression.
“I are not responsible for your animal hungers,” corrode this Wife
while she arose and gently order me to take Hon. Vacuum down cellar for
vacate 2 coal-bins and a ashbarrel.
I retained this situation of jobs for six complete days’ work. All
day long I go around house dragging hose like a fireman. I got that
intelligent Vacuum so trained that he could do tricks of extreme
cuteness. He could coax shoe-buttons entirely across room by his
talented suction, and when they got up to his nose--gubble! They
disappear to zero. He loved to catch flies by breathing them inwards;
and once he attempt to withdraw Mrs. Bellus’ weak canary bird from
cage. Which he not quite did, but too nearly.
So I continue on practicing this suctionary job; and I got so smart
from it that I was preparing to request Hon. Mrs. for more wage of
salary, when some unpleasantness exploded. I sorry to tell you.
Last Tuesday Hon. Mrs. Hirem B. Bellus come to me and say with gloves &
hat:
“I go for lunching at Aunt Maria Stewart whose great wealth includes
asthma and make her disagreeable but necessary. Be faithful with your
Vacuum while I are away.”