critter like you," sez I, a going round to the other side on her. She
gave me another of her prime smiles, and that seemed to pacify me. So we
all three walked along together till we got agin the Astor House once
more. The Count looked as sour as a vinegar barrel--I suppose, because I
was detarmined to hang on, but I kept a stiff upper lip, and marched
down the stun walk as straight as a bean pole stuck up on eend. Miss
Miles begun to smile agin, and she talked to him as sweet as could be,
but I couldn't make out a word she said, for she didn't speak rale
American, but every now and then, jest as I was beginning to get rily
about it, she would turn her face to me, and pucker up her mouth so
coaxing, that somehow I couldn't git right down wrathy if I tried ever
so much.
When the Count saw that I wasn't to be scared away, he jest give me a
good long stare right in the eyes, and then bending a little for'ard to
Miss Miles, he lifted his hat about an inch from his head and went into
the Astor House. I don't know what on arth could be the matter, but the
minit he left us I begun to feel as sheepish as could be. I didn't know
what in nature to talk about--so I jest took my red silk handkercher and
gave it a flirt out of my pocket, and then put it back agin.
"Do you like the smell of essence of peppermint, Miss Miles?" sez I.
"I'm very fond of perfume," sez she.
"I hope you didn't like the stuff that are Count had on his
handkercher," sez I. "I swanny, it eenamost made me sick; he smelt more
like a musk-rat than anything else."
"You can't expect every body to have _your_ taste in selecting perfumes
for his toilet, Mr. Slick," sez she, a puckering up her mouth till it
looked like a red clover top full of honey.
"I swow, Miss Miles, you look as harnsome as a full blown rose this
morning," sez I; "it aint a mite of wonder that I couldn't sleep a bit
last night."
With that I jest took a good squint at her as we went along, for I
couldn't think what to say next. I don't believe the things she had on
cost one cent less than fifty dollars, enough to rig out all the gals in
Weathersfield with boughten finery; her cloak was the queerest thing I
ever did see; it only reached jest down to her knees, and was made out
of rale silk velvet. I know it was silk, for I jest slipped off my
yaller glove, and felt on it to be sartin, as we walked along. It was
kinder purply, like the damsons that grow in our corn lot, and was
loaded down with some kind of long fur. Under that she wore another
dress of black silk velvet, that shone in the sun like a crow's back.
The cloak had great open sleeves, edged with fur, a hanging round her
arms; and I could see the corner of a hankercher a sticking out from the
eend of her little black muff jest enough to show how harnsomely it was
figger'd off; a bunch of red flowers was stuck agin each side of her
face under her bonnet, and her eyes looked bright, and her cheeks rosy
enough to make a feller catch his breath. The more I looked at her, the
more uneasy I got about that Count. I wanted to say something to her
about him dreadfully, but some how I didn't know what to say first. I
took out my hankercher agin, and then I wiped my nose and put it back;
then I begun to examine the fingers of my yaller gloves, to see how they
stood the weather. Finally, I lost step, and it took me three minits to
get the right hitch agin; at last I bust right out, and, sez I--
"Now, Miss Miles, between you and I and the post, jest tell me do you
raly care anything about that are Count?"
She turned her roguish black eyes to my face, and, sez she, "Why, Mr.
Slick, how can you ask sich a question?"
"Now that's Yankee all over," sez I, "you aint told me yet: only asked
me another question to match mine."
"What do you want to know for?" sez she, sort of softly.
"Oh, not much of anything; I should kinder like to know, that's all,"
sez I. With that, think sez I, I'll try and make her jealous a leetle,
and sez I,--
"Do you know, Miss Miles, that they've been a printing my picter clear
off in Michigan and down in Cincinnati? I guess I shall go out there one
of these days and see how I like the folks out West, I begin to git
eenamost tired of York." I warn't wrong; that brought her to her senses
purty quick.
"You don't really intend to leave the city," sez she, a looking at me as
arnest as could be.
"Wal, I don't know," sez I, "them Western editors want me to come
dreadfully. One on 'em sent me word that they had a grist of harnsome
gals in his State."
"Is the picter out West so very well painted?" sez she.
"Wal," sez I, "it's a purty good likeness, considering it was took in my
old clothes," (and with that I took out the paper and I showed it to
her). "I ruther think it will be best for me to go on there," sez I, a
putting up the picter; "that are Count will think I want to cut him out,
I'm afeard."
I looked straight at her as I said this, but she begun to smooth down
the fur on her muff with her little hand, and when she did speak I had
to bend my head down to hear what she was a saying.
Afore I could make out what she meant to say, a couple of harnsome young
gals cum along and they stopped as if they were tickled to death to see
her; I thought there warn't much chance for me to git another word in
edgeways; so I cut for the office and left them a talking as they went
along.
Think sez I, as I was a going along through the Park, arter all, human
natur is purty much the same in all places. I don't see as there's much
difference between our gals there in Weathersfield, that wear calico
frocks and straw bonnets, and these York tippies that go out all
furbelowed off in their silks and satins. They are six of one and half a
dozen of t'other the world over. If it hadn't been for that are Count I
should not have been much at a loss to know how to take Miss Miles. When
a gal begins to talk down her throat, and fingers her muff as she did,
it's a purty sure symptom that there'll be a change of weather in her
heart afore long, but somehow that tarnal Count, consarn him, put me all
out on my natural reckoning. But who cares? sez I to myself. I'll bet a
cookey if there warn't but two men in the world, and them were that
darned feller and Jonathan Slick, and she'd got to marry one or t'other,
she wouldn't be long a making up her mind whether to take a chap for
what he's got in his head or for the hair that grows outside on it; for
a gal with half an eye might see that when a feller's brains all run to
hair, he can't have much sense left.
But when these fellers are so chased after by all the gals, there is no
saying what kind of a chance a plain, honest chap like me might have
among 'em. But any how, I'll try my luck to-morrow, for if I don't go tu
see her I shall be sick abed, that's sartin.
Your loving son,
JONATHAN SLICK.
* * * * *
LETTER VIII.
The Morning Call--A Coquette's Dressing Room.
DEAR PAR:
Arly the next morning, I got up and put on my new clothes agin, and sot
afore the fire, thinking of eenamost every thing on arth, till the clock
struck nine; then I slicked down my hair a leetle, and pulled foot up
Broadway agin. I kinder expected every minit that I should meet Miss
Miles, as I did yesterday; but somehow there didn't seem tu be any body
a stirring. There warn't a single one of them whiskered chaps in sight,
and all the women-folks that I could see, up or down, seemed tu have on
nothing but their everyday clothes. I saw tew or three rale homespun,
modest-looking young critters, but they warn't dressed up, and some on
'em were a carrying band-boxes and sich things afore them. Once I got
allfired wrathy, for a nigger woman stood out on the stun side-walk with
a great long brush in her hand, a scrubbing the winders of a big house
with it; and jest as I come along, she give the brush a flourish, and
sent a hull thunder-shower of dirty water all over my new clothes.
"You etarnal black nigger, you! you'd better look out, and keep your
soap-suds for them that wants washing," sez I.
But she hee-he'd out a larfin, and begun tu brush away agin jest as if I
hadn't said a word tu her. Think sez I, it wouldn't be jest the thing
for any body tu see me a jawing here with a nigger wench, so I may as
well grin and bear it, for I don't know of anything that proves a feller
a leetle soft in the garret, so much as keeping up a quarrel with a
person that is so much beneath him that there aint nothing tu be gained,
though you du git the upper hand. So I choked in, and took out my
hankercher and wiped off my coat-sleeves, and went along; but it warn't
no easy matter tu navigate so as not tu git a second ducking, for every
nigger in York seemed to be out a washing winders. I come near slipping
up tew or three times, the stuns were so wet afore all the housen. I can
tell you what, this going tu make morning calls ain't no joke,
especially if a feller happens tu be dressed up. The niggers will sponge
his coat for him, if the tailor forgot tu, without charging him for the
trouble.
Jest afore I got up tu the great four-story house where Miss Miles
lives, I begun to feel sort of anxious agin. Think sez I, what on arth
shall I say tu her when I du get there? So I kept a thinking over a
capital leetle speech that I meant tu make. I'd read in story-books
about lovers that always went down on their knees when they talked soft
sodder to sich stuck-up gals as Miss Miles; but tu save my life, I
couldn't make up my mouth to it; the gal must be something more than
common flesh and blood that would ever bring Jonathan Slick on his
marrow bones, I'm thinking; so if she calculates that I'm a going to
make such a mean coot of myself as that, why she may go to grass for
what I care.
Besides, sez I tu myself, how on arth would I kneel down in these
new-fashioned trousers, if I wanted tu ever so much; when arter putting
one thing and another together, I made up my mind that kneeling down tu
the gals must have gone out of fashion here in York when the chaps give
up wearing them trousers puffed in at the waistbands. This kinder made
my mind easy on that point; so I went on thinking over what I should say
tu Miss Miles when I got tu her house.
Now it ain't no ways hard to make first-rate speeches up in a feller's
head, when he's a going tu see a gal that he's a beginning tu take a
shine arter; but somehow the worst on it all is, a chap al'ers forgets
every word on it when he comes where the gal is.
I begun to grow awful uneasy jest afore I got to the house, and my heart
sot to beating in my bosom, like the pestle in an old fashioned samp
mortar. It seemed to me as if somebody was a looking arter me, and as if
they knew that I was going a courting in broad daylight, which was
enough to make any decent chap look sheepish that had never thought of
making up to the gals only on a Sunday night arter dark, when these
things seem to come nat'ral.
Wal, when I got agin the house, I took a squint up to the winders, for I
thought mebby Miss Miles would be a looking out; but there warn't nobody
to be seen, so I went up the wide marble steps, that looked as white as
snow, with a great chunk of marble a curling down each side on 'em, and
there I stood stock still, for my heart floundered about so that it
eenamost choked me, and if I'd been hung I couldn't a got up pluck to
pull the silver knob and make somebody come and let me in; for all the
York people keep their doors fastened in the day time, so that if a
feller's in ever so much of a hurry, he's got to stand out doors till a
nigger comes to let him in.
By-am-by a black gal stuck her head up from under the steps, as if she
was a going tu speak; so I turned my back to the door, and stuck both
hands in my pockets and began to whistle, as independent as could be,
jest to let her see that I didn't feel anxious to get in. Arter that I
went down the steps agin, jest giving a leetle touch of Yankee Doodle,
sort of easy, as I walked up and down on the stun walk afore the house,
a trying to git up courage. At last a gal come to the door with a tin
basin in her hands, and begun to scour the silver knobs so; I jest went
right up the steps agin like a house a fire, and sez I to the gal--
"Is Miss Miles tu hum?"
She kinder stared at me, as if she was a going to ask what I wanted, but
I warn't a going to stand there a talking to her, so I jest pushed
ahead, and went into the entry way. There warn't nobody there, but one
of the mahogany doors that opened on one side was wide open, and I went
in.
If any thing, the two great rooms was more harnsome than them at Cousin
Beebe's: the footstools and the settees and the chairs were all kivered
with shiny red velvet, figgered off like all natur; but they stood about
over the carpet every which way. Two or three little stun tables stood
out in the middle of the room; one on 'em was kivered with decanters and
wine glasses, and some of the books lay all kivered with gold, a
glittering and shining on the carpet. The grates were all lined with
solid silver, but there warn't a spark of fire in either on 'em yit, and
the ashes lay all scattered out over the stun hearths as thick as could
be. A part of the great silk winder curtains were hitched up, and the
rest on 'em fell clear down to the floor over the winders, till the
sunshine that come a pouring through them looked as light and red as a
hundred glasses full of currant wine. Thinks I, what on arth has become
of all the folks? One would think that they hadn't eat breakfast yit, by
the looks of things; yit that couldn't be, for by that time it was
eenamost ten o'clock, and any body that has the least idee of gitting a
living won't wait arter six for his breakfast.
Wal, arter wandering about the rooms a good while, I went into the entry
way agin; by that time the gal that I'd seen at the door had got up on a
chair, and was a hauling down a great round glass thing, which was hung
by a sort of chain up to the ruff of the entry. When she see me a coming
out of the two rooms, she yelled out as if she didn't know that I was
there afore.
"What do you want here?" sez she, as imperdent as could be.
"Hold your tarnal yop, you critter you," sez I, "and jest tell me where
Miss Miles is; I've come to make her a morning call."
The gal seemed a leetle mortified by that, and sez she to a leetle stuck
up cuffy boy that cum up stairs jest then, "Here's a gentleman wants to
see Miss Miles--is she up yet?"
Wal, now, think sez I, if this York aint the beatumest place that ever I
did see--there aint a nigger in it but what's a poking fun at you or a
throwing water or some tarnal thing or another. I wonder if these leetle
coots think I'm soft enough to believe that an honest, harnsome gal like
Miss Miles, lies abed till ten o'clock. They don't stuff me up that way,
any how, if I did come from the country.
"What name shall I take up?" sez the teinty cuffy, a bowing.
"Oh, I haint partic'lar," sez I; "you may take up any you like best--but
I wish you'd jest tell me where she is, for I begin to feel eenamost
tuckered out, a walking and a standing round here."
The leetle cuffy looked at the gal, and then they both begun to giggle
and tee-hee like any thing.
"Look a here, you damination copper colored image you," sez I to the
nigger, "jest you step up this minit if you don't want to git an
allfired thrashing!"
The poor leetle varmint looked scared out of a year's growth, and sez
he, as humble as could be, "Who shall I say wants to see Miss Miles?"
"Never you mind that," sez I, "go ahead, and I guess she won't be long a
finding out."
With that the nigger went up stairs, and I arter him full chisel; he
looked round as if he wanted to say something jest as he stopped by a
door in the upper entry way; but I told him to go ahead and hold his
yop, for I warn't a going to wait any longer. So he rapped at the door
and somebody said, "Come in." My heart riz in my throat, for I knew
whose voice it was, and I begun to feel as if I'd pitched head for'ard
into a mill dam. The cuffy opened the door, and sez he, "Ma'am here's a
gentleman that would come up."
I heard somebody give a leetle scream, and with that I jest pushed the
nigger out of the way, and sez I, "Miss Miles, how du you du?"
I sniggers, if I didn't raly pity the poor gal, she looked so struck up
in a heap; but what on arth made her act so I couldn't tell at fust, for
I felt kinder streaked as if I'd done something that wasn't exactly
right, though I couldn't think what, and it was as much as a minit afore
I looked right in her face. But jest as I lifted up my head, and drew up
my foot, arter making one of my fust cut bows, she stood jest afore me.
By the living hokey, I never was so struck up in my born days! You know
what I've told you about Miss Miles, about her plump round form, her red
lips, and her rosy cheeks. Well, I'll be darned if there was one of them
left--I shouldn't have known her no more than nothing, if it hadn't been
for her eyes and the way she spoke. Her neck and for'ard that always
looked so white and harnsome, when I see her at Cousin Mary's, and in
Broadway, was as yaller as a safron bag. There warn't the least mite of
red in her face, and her hair was all frizzley, and done up in a leetle
bunch, about as big as a hen's egg behind! She had on a great loose
awk'ard-looking gown, that made her seem twice as chunked as she used
to, and that looked more like a man's shirt cut long and ruffled round
than any thing else. It warn't any too clean neither, and both her
leetle shoes were down to the heel.
There I stood a looking at her with all the eyes in my head--my foot was
drawed up tight, and my arms were a hanging straight down, jest as they
swung back arter I'd made my bow. I kinder seemed tu feel that my mouth
was open a leetle, and that I was a staring at her harder than was
manners for me. But if you'd a given me the best farm in all
Weathersfield, I couldn't have helped it, I was so struck up in a heap
at seeing her in sich a fix. I guess it was as much as two minits afore
either on us said a word; and, at last, Miss Miles turned to the nigger
as savage as a meataxe, and, sez she,
"Why didn't you show Mr. Slick into the drawing room?"
"Oh, don't seem to mind it," sez I a walking into the room, and a
setting down on a chair with my hat between my knees, "I'd jest as livs
set up here as any where."
She looked as if she'd burst right out a crying, but at last she sot
down and tried to act as if she was glad to see me. She begun to make
excuses about herself and the room, and said she wasn't very well that
morning, that she took a new book, and sot down jest as she was to read
it.
"Oh," sez I, "don't make no excuses; it aint the fust time that I've
ketched a gal in the suds. Marm used to say that she never looked worse
than common that somebody wasn't sartin to drop in."
"Will you excuse me one instant, Mr. Slick," sez she, a minit arter I'd
said this, and a looking down on her awk'ard dress, as if she couldn't
help but feel streaked yit.
"Sartinly," sez I; "don't make no stranger of me."
With that, she opened the door and went into a room close by. I jest got
a good peak into it as she went through the door, and an allfired
harnsome room it was. There was a great mahogany bedstead a standing in
the middle, with a high goose feather bed on it, kivered all over with a
white quilt and great square pillows all ruffled off, and the winder
curtains were part white and part sort of indigo blue. I couldn't git a
chance to see what else there was, she shut the door so quick. "By
gracious," sez I to myself, arter she went out, "who on arth would ever
have thought that Miss Miles was so old. When I saw her yesterday, I'd a
took my Bible oath that she warn't more than eighteen, but now I'll be
choked if she don't look as ancient as the hills. If ever she sees
thirty agin she'll have to turn like a crab and walk backwards five or
six years." What puzzled me most was how in creation she contrived to
look so young--but it warn't a great while afore I made it out as clear
as one of Deacon Sykes' exhortations. Arter she'd gone out I jest got up
and took a sort of survey of the room; everything was t'other eend up,
helter skelter in it; there was no eend to the finery and harnsome
furniture, but it don't make much odds how extravagant one is a laying
out money if things aint kept neat and snug in their places. The more
things cost, the more it seems to hurt a feller's feelings to see them
flung about topsy turvy, as they were in that room. I ruther think she
didn't have her company up there very often--but a gal that's got a good
bringing up will be jest as particular about the place she keeps for
herself, and which company never sees, as if it was likely to be seen
every day of her life.
I begun tu be allfired glad that I didn't ask her to have me yesterday,
for if she'd been as young as she seemed tu be, and as harnsome as an
angel, I wouldn't a had her arter seeing that room of her'n. A pocket
hankercher, worked and sprigged, and ruffled off with lace, was a lying
on the settee, but it was all grimmed over with dirt, and looked as if
it would a gin any thing for a sight of the wash tub. The carpet was as
soft and thick as could be, and it was all kivered over with bunches of
posies as nat'ral as life; but there was a great grease spot close by
the fire, where somebody had upsot a lamp, and all around the edges and
in the corners it looked as if it hadn't been swept for ever so long. A
chest of drawers, solid, shiny mahogany--with a great looking-glass,
swung between two pieces of mahogany on the top, stood on one side of
the room, and there, a hanging over the edge on 'em, as true as I live,
were the long, harnsome curls that I'd seen on Miss Miles when she was
tu cousin Mary's party! Wal, think sez I, if this don't take the rag off
the bush! What du you think I saw next? A glass tumbler about half full
of water, with three nice, leetle, white teeth a lying in the bottom on
it! I couldn't help but give a leetle whistle when I saw them. Think sez
I, it's jest as like as not that Miss Miles wont pucker up her mouth and
smile, quite so much this morning as she did yesterday, any how.
There were two leetle china cups with the kivers a lying down by them;
one was filled with white stuff, kinder like flour, only rather more
gritty, and t'other was full of something that looked as much like rose
leaves ground down to powder as anything. A leetle chunk of cotton wool
was stuck into it, but what on arth it was for, I couldn't make out.
There were two or three silk cushions chuck full of pins, on the
drawers, and there was no eend tu the leetle glass bottles all sprigged
off with gold, a lying round on the mantle-shelf, as well as on the
tables and the chest of drawers.
In one corner of the room there stood a great looking-glass, a swinging
between two leetle posts cut out of mahogany, and right over it two silk
frocks were tumbled up together. I begun to finger them a leetle, for
somehow I felt curious tu know how the tarnal cunning critter contrived
tu make herself look so plump and round. It didn't want much cyphering
tu find her out. The tops of her frocks, both on 'em, were all stuffed
full of something soft that made them stand out as nat'ral as life. I
hadn't but jest time tu drop the frock and set down agin--looking as
innocent as if butter wouldn't melt in my mouth--when Miss Miles come
back agin. She'd put on another frock, all ruffled off, and somehow or
other, had fixed up her hair so as to look ruther more ship shape; but
she hadn't had time to put herself all together, though her face did
look a leetle whiter than it did when I fust went in. There warnt a bit
of a hump on her back, and she was nat'ral all the way round!
I felt ruther uneasy, for, think sez I, it's jest as like as not she'll
expect me to talk over a leetle soft sodder with her, as I did
yesterday; but I'll be darned if it don't make me sick tu think on it. I
hitched about on my chair, and I looked at every thing in the room but
her, then I took up my hat and begun to balance it on my two fore
fingers, and at last sez I--
"Wal, Miss Miles, I s'pose I may as well be a jogging."
"Don't be in a hurry," sez she, a trying tu smile, but without opening
her lips a bit, "I hope you won't make strangers of us."
I let my hat drop, and picked it up again.
"What book was that that you've been a reading?" sez I, detarmined tu
say something.
"Oh, that's the Countess of Blessington's last work," sez she; "it's a
charming book. Do you like her writings, Mr. Slick?"
"Wal, I don't know," sez I; "I never read any of her books, but it
kinder strikes me that she aint no great shakes herself, anyhow."
"Oh, you shouldn't be censorious, Mr. Slick," sez she. "You know Mr.
Willis visited her and was delighted."