“_That women are timid:_” And ’tis well they are——else there would be
no dealing with them.
Let not thy breeches be too tight, or hang too loose about thy thighs,
like the trunk-hose of our ancestors.
——A just medium prevents all conclusions.
Whatever thou hast to say, be it more or less, forget not to utter it
in a low soft tone of voice. Silence, and whatever approaches it,
weaves dreams of midnight secrecy into the brain: For this cause, if
thou canst help it, never throw down the tongs and poker.
Avoid all kinds of pleasantry and facetiousness in thy discourse with
her, and do whatever lies in thy power at the same time, to keep her
from all books and writings which tend thereto: there are some
devotional tracts, which if thou canst entice her to read over—it will
be well: but suffer her not to look into _Rabelais_, or _Scarron_, or
_Don Quixote_——
——They are all books which excite laughter; and thou knowest, dear
_Toby_, that there is no passion so serious as lust.
Stick a pin in the bosom of thy shirt, before thou enterest her
parlour.
And if thou art permitted to sit upon the same sopha with her, and she
gives thee occasion to lay thy hand upon hers—beware of taking it——thou
canst not lay thy hand on hers, but she will feel the temper of thine.
Leave that and as many other things as thou canst, quite undetermined;
by so doing, thou wilt have her curiosity on thy side; and if she is
not conquered by that, and thy Asse continues still kicking, which
there is great reason to suppose——Thou must begin, with first losing a
few ounces of blood below the ears, according to the practice of the
ancient _Scythians_, who cured the most intemperate fits of the
appetite by that means.
_Avicenna_, after this, is for having the part anointed with the syrup
of hellebore, using proper evacuations and purges——and I believe
rightly. But thou must eat little or no goat’s flesh, nor red deer——nor
even foal’s flesh by any means; and carefully abstain——that is, as much
as thou canst, from peacocks, cranes, coots, didappers, and
water-hens——
As for thy drink—I need not tell thee, it must be the infusion of
VERVAIN and the herb HANEA, of which _Ælian_ relates such effects—but
if thy stomach palls with it—discontinue it from time to time, taking
cucumbers, melons, purslane, water-lillies, woodbine, and lettice, in
the stead of them.