_Match for a suit of oil-skins between Sunny Jack and Dismal Jimmy._
"The rain has beaten all records."--_Daily Papers._
"Play the game."--_Modern motto._
_Hole 1._--Halved in 28. D.J. gets into the current with his 16th (a
beauty) and is rescued by life-boat.
_Hole 2._--Abandoned. A green-finder with a divining-rod, which is
convertible into an umbrella, states that Primitive Baptists are using
the green for purposes of total immersion.
_Hole 3._--Abandoned. A regatta is found to be taking place in the big
bunker.
_Hole 4._--Halved in 23. S.J. discovered with life-belt round him which
he has stolen from the flag. Reported death of a green-keeper, lost in
trying to rescue two caddies from the bunker going to the 11th hole.
_Hole 5._--Abandoned out of sympathy with the green-keeper.
_Hole 6._--Abandoned. S.J. gets his driver mixed in his life-belt, with
the result that his braces burst. D.J. claims hole on the ground that no
player may look for a button for more than two minutes. Mr. Vardon,
umpiring from balloon, disallows claim. Both players take to canoes.
_Hole 7._--D.J.'s canoe upset by body of drowned sheep as he is holing
short put. Mr. Vardon decides that corpses are rubs on the green.
_Hole 8._--Abandoned, owing to a fight for life-belt.
_Hole 9._--Halved in 303, Mr. Vardon keeping the score.
_Hole 10._--D.J. saves S.J.'s life. Hole awarded to S.J. by Mr. Vardon
out of sympathy. S.J. one up.
_Hole 11._--S.J. saves D.J.'s life and receives the Humane Society's
monthly medal and the hole from Mr. Vardon as a reward of courage. S.J.
two up.
_Hole 12._--Abandoned. Collection made for the widows of drowned
golfers, which realises ninepence. S.J. subsequently returns from a
long, low dive.
_Holes 13 and 14._--Won by D.J. in the absence of S.J., who attends
funeral water-games in honour of the green-keeper. All square.
_Holes 15 and 16._--Abandoned by mutual consent, whisky being given away
by the Society of Free-drinkers. Instant reappearance of the
green-keeper.
_Holes 17 and 18._--Unrecorded. Mr. Vardon declares the match halved.
[Illustration: Punch]
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[Illustration: FORE and AFT]
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[Illustration:
_Short-sighted Golfer_ (_having been signalled to come on by lady who
has lost her ball_). "Thanks _very_ much. And _would_ you mind driving
that sheep away?"]
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[Illustration:
_Extract from the rules of a local golf club:_--"RULE V.--The committee
shall have the power at any time to fill any vacancy in their body."]
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