Fill up your glasses! Bumpers round
Of Scotland's mountain dew!
With triple clink my toast you'll drink,
The Links I pledge with you:
The Links that bind a million hearts,
There's magic in their name,
The Links that lie 'neath every sky,
And the Royal and Ancient Game!
A health to all who "miss the globe,"
The special "stars" who don't;
May thousands thrive to tee and drive
As Jehu's self was wont!
No tee without a caddie--then
The caddies will acclaim!
A health, I say, to all who play
The Royal and Ancient Game!
Long life to all who face the foe,
And on the green "lie dead"!--
An envied lot, as all men wot,
For gallant "lads in red":
Where balls fly fast and iron-shots plough
Win medals, trophies, fame;
Your watchword "Fore!" One cheer--two more--
For the Royal and Ancient Game!
Then "_toe_ and _heel_ it" on the green
(You'll make your partner swear),
But I'll be bound your dance, a round,
With luck will end all square
Win, lose, or halve the match--what odds?
We love our round the same;
Though luck take wing, "the play's the thing,"
The Royal and Ancient Game!
* * *
Then, Royal and Ancient Game, accept
This tribute lay from me;
From me then take, for old sake's sake,
This toast--Long life to thee!
A long, long life to thee, old friend--
None worthier the name--
With three times three, long life to thee,
O Royal and Ancient Game!
[Illustration: Punch]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_Very mild Gentleman_ (_who has failed to hit the ball five times in
succession_). "Well ----"
_Up-to-date Caddy_ (_producing gramophone charged with appropriate
expletives_). "Allow me, sir!"
[_Mild Gentleman_ DOES _allow him, and moreover presents him with a
shilling for handling the subject in such a masterly manner._]
]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
_First Golfer_ (_to Second Golfer, who is caught in a bunker_). "Well,
Jones told me this morning he did this hole yesterday in four."
_Second Golfer_ (_who stammers_). "If Jones s-s-said he did it in four,
he was a l-l-l-l----"
_First Golfer._ "Steady, friend, steady!"
_Second Golfer._ "----he was a l-lucky beggar!"]
* * * * *