A little success at golf, as I've notised, jenerally makes a man wish
for more. Like the appertite of a young girl for chocerlates. I dunno if
you remember that nice old Mister Giggington, of 'oom I told you. Under
my skillfull gidance, and with the ade of a little inercent 'anky-panky,
'e kontrived to wander rarnd these 'ere links in an 'undred and
twenty-nine. Well, ever since that serprising triemph, 'e 'as been
'ungering for fresh feelds to konker, as you might say.
"I want to meet someone, 'Enery, as I can beat," 'e kep' saying, quite
truckewlent like. "I don't pretend as 'ow I'm brillyent, but on my day I
do fancy that there's wuss."
"You keep on practising steddy, sir," was my invariable words, "and one
of these days we shall see you winning cups and medils."
As nice and kind an old jentleman as ever smashed a club is Mister
Giggington, but I allus 'ave to 'andle 'im like eggs to prevent 'im
losing 'art. I didn't think as 'ow even 'Enery Wilks would be able to
grattify 'is 'armless ambishun, but the uther day I saw my chawnce.
It was a Toosday morning, and the course was quite disserted, excep' for
Mister G., 'oo was waiting to start a practice rarnd wiv 'is pashunt
teecher. Which is me. And then a new member come along 'oo was wishfull
for a game, and dirrectly I set eyes on 'im, somethink, hinstink, I
suppose, seemed to tell me that 'ere was the man for 'oom I 'ad been
waiting.
'E was French, and I shall not attempt to rite 'is name, the 'ang of
which I never reely kawt. 'E was a small, darkish, jornty man, and 'is
garmints was a little briter and more cheerfull-looking than you see in
England. 'E wore, among uther things, a deer-storker 'at wiv a fevver
stuck in it. But 'is manners was reelly bewtifull. It was quite a site
to see 'im click 'is 'eels togevver, and bow to my himployer, and in a
minute they 'ad fixed their match. I 'ad 'inted to Mister G. that 'e
must hinsist on 'aving a stroke an 'ole, and that was 'ow they settled
it. I never lerned what the Frenchman's 'andicap was, but if the
Champyon 'isself 'ad offered to take strokes from 'im 'e would 'ave
closed gladly wiv the offer. And yet there was reelly nuthing erfensive
about the little man.
I could see as 'ow pore old Mister G. was trimbling wiv a sort of
serpressed egsitement, and I wispered to 'im that 'e must play steddy
and use the niblick whenever possibul. The niblick, from long practice
in the bunkers, is 'is club.
Me frend, Chawley Martin, was the Frenchman's caddie, and 'e took
ercasion to remmark to me that we seemed in for somethink warmish. I
checked the boy wiv one of my glawnces, and then we waited while 'is
hemployer took the 'onner. That jentleman danced up to the tee, waving
rarnd 'is head the longest and the bendiest driver that I 'ave ever
seen, and 'e didn't trubble to address the ball at all. 'E just sprung
at it and 'it it wiv all 'is might, and somethink fairly wistled past
Chawley's 'ead as 'e stood a little be'ind the tee box. The Frenchman
'ad sliced at rite angels, and for anythink I know 'is ball is still in
the air. Certingly, we never saw it agin.
That slite misforchune appeered to egsite and dimmoralise Chawley's
himployer, 'oo may 'ave been quite a brillyent player on 'is day, and I
may say at once that 'e never reelly found 'is game. On the uther 'and
it seemed to put new life and vigger into Mister G. Our erponent was
appariently trying 'ard to do each 'ole in a brillyent one, but we was
quite content to win them in a steddy nine.
We 'ad our misforchunes, of course. 'Is deerest frend wouldn't 'ardly
say as 'ow Mister G.'s game is a long one, and each bunker seems to 'ave
a sort of magnettick attrackshun for 'is ball, but whilst the
Frenchman's brassey remained unbroken we knew that there was allus a
chawnce for the 'ole. For 'arf the rarnd it stood the crewel strane and
then it didn't break. It jest seemed to sort of dissolve into small
peaces. But we was two up by then and our tails was 'igh in air.
As for the Frenchman, 'is meffods at times was reelly serprising. After
that first drive Chawley lade 'isself down flat when 'is hemployer
drove, but even in that posishun it didn't seem 'ardly safe. That long,
thin, bendy driver sent the ball to all 'ites and all angels, but never
once in a strate line. After a wile 'e diskarded it, and guv a fair,
'onnest trial to every club in 'is bag in turn. I should never 'ave been
serprised to see 'im drive desperit like wiv 'is putter, but even then
Chawley wouldn't 'ave dared say nuthink. 'E was quite a plessant,
jentlemanly little man, but it didn't do to argue wiv 'im. 'E begun to
scream and stamp at once, and Chawley saw pretty soon that it was best
and safest to let 'im play 'is own game.
It was on the fiftienth green that the great match was ended. Mister
Giggington's pluck and stamminer 'ad been amasing for 'is age, but the
strane and the joyfull egsitement was beginning to tell on 'im. The
Frenchman tried to bring off a thirty-yard putt to save the 'ole, and
failed by some forty yards. But 'e took 'is defeet like a nero. They
shook 'ands on the green and 'e said that it warmed 'is 'art to reflect
on the glory that 'is frendly foe 'ad won. I beleeve as 'ow there was
tears in the old jentleman's eyes. 'E turned to me and I quite thort 'e
was going to grasp my 'and, but instead of that 'e put a bob into it
which was pretty near as good.
'E 'll never make a golfer, but 'Enery Wilks will allus be pleesed and
proud to gide 'im rarnd the course.
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[Illustration:
A RULING PASSION.--_Mr. Meenister MacGlucky_ (_of the Free Kirk, after
having given way more than usual to an expression "a wee thing
strong"--despairingly_). "Oh! Aye! Ah, w-e-el! I'll hae ta gie 't up!"
_Mr. Elder MacNab._ "Wha-at, man, gie up gowf?" _Mr. Meenister
MacGlucky._ "Nae, nae! Gie up the meenistry!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration:
A POSER.--"Farmers always grumbling? Well, supposin' your pigs were
down wi' th' fever, an' your sheep had got th' influenza, if your crops
were drownded in eighteen inches o' water, an' your rent were
overdue--what would you do?"
"I? I'd give it up and start a golf club!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: