It is probably owing to such European influences that Theal (209)
found that although a woman is not legally supposed to be consulted in
the choice of a husband, in point of fact "matches arising from mutual
love are not uncommon. In such cases, if any difficulties are arranged
by the guardians on either side, the young people do not scruple to
run away together." The word "love" in this passage is of course used
in that vague sense which indicates nothing but a preference of one
man or woman to others. That a Kaffir girl should prefer a young man
to an old suitor to the point of running away with him is to be
expected, even if there is nothing more than a merely sensual
attachment. The question how far there are any amorous preferences
among Kaffirs is an interesting one. From the fact that they prefer
their cows to their wives in moments of danger, we infer that though
they might also like one girl better than another, such preference
would be apt to prove rather weak; and this inference is borne out by
some remarks of the German missionary Alberti which I will translate:
"The sentiment of tender and chaste love is as unknown
to the Kaffir as that respect which is founded on
agreement and moral worth. The need of mutual aid in
domestic life, combined with the natural instinct for
the propagation of the species, alone seem to occasion
a union of young men and women which afterward gains
permanence through habitual intercourse and a community
of interests."
"It is true that the young man commonly seeks to gain
the favor of the girl he likes before he applies to her
parents, in which case, if his suit is accepted, the
supreme favor is at once granted him by the girl; but
inasmuch as he does not need her good will necessarily,
the parental consent being sufficient to secure
possession of her, he shows little zeal, and his peace
of mind is not in the least disturbed by a possible
refusal. Altogether, he is much less solicitous about
gaining her predilection than about getting her for the
lowest possible price."
Alberti was evidently a thinker as well as a careful observer. His
lucid remarks gives us a deep insight into primitive conditions when
love had hardly yet begun to germinate. What a worldwide difference
between this languid Kaffir wooer, hardly caring whether he gets this
girl or another, and the modern lover who thinks life not worth
living, unless he can gain the love of his chosen one. In all the
literature on the subject, I have been able to find only one case of
stubborn preference among Kaffirs. Neuhaus knew a young man who
refused for two years to marry the girl chosen for him by his father,
and finally succeeded in having his way with another girl whom he
preferred. As a matter of course, strong aversion is more frequently
manifested than decided preference, especially in the case of girls
who are compelled to marry old men. Neuhaus[142] saw a Zulu girl whose
hands had been nearly burned off by her tormentors; he knew of two
girls who committed suicide, one just before, the other just after, an
enforced marriage. Grout (167) speaks of the "various kinds of torture
resorted to by the father and friends of a girl to compel her to marry
contrary to her choice." One girl, who had fled to his house for
refuge, told him repeatedly that if delivered into the hands of her
tormentors "she would be cruelly beaten as soon as they were out of
sight and be subjected to every possible abuse, till she should comply
with the wishes of her proprietor."