THERE are many little points of etiquette and courteous
observances which, if attended to, serve very materially to
lighten the tedium and fatigue of travel, the non-observance of
them being at tended with proportionally disagreeable effects. No
situation can be named where the difference between the well-bred
and ill-bred of either sex is more marked than when they are upon
a journey; and in this country, where all classes are thrown into
contact in the various public conveyances, the annoyance of rude
company can scarcely be exaggerated.
The duties of an escort to a lady are manifold and various, and
the true lady will make them as light as possible, striving, by
her own deportment and agreeable conversation, to compensate her
gentleman friend for the trouble she may occasion him. To weary
him constantly by complaints of the heat, dust, or flies; to worry
for half an hour over some unavoidable mishap or annoyance; to
lose or miss some part of her hand-baggage every five minutes;
forcing him to rise and search for what she eventually finds in
her own pocket; to inquire every few moments, "Where are we now?
what time is it? are we nearly at our journey's end?" to delay
him, when the train or boat does stop, for arrangements that
should have been made ten minutes before; to fidget about her
baggage; or to find constant fault with what he cannot control,
are all faults in which lady travellers are prone to indulge, but
which all mark low breeding, founded upon intense selfishness.
Good-nature, perfect courtesy, patience, punctuality, and an easy
adaptation to perhaps untoward circumstances mark the perfect lady
in travelling. When you see a lady, detained perhaps for hours by
a snow-storm, pleasantly trying to beguile the time by
conversation, relieving tired mothers, perhaps, of the care of
fretful children, jesting pleasantly upon the unpleasant delay,
and uttering no complaint or impatient word, even if half frozen
or in utter discomfort, you may be certain you see a perfectly
well-bred lady in every sense of the words.
No lady should ever allow her escort to enter with her any saloon
devoted exclusively to the use of ladies. Because he may be her
own husband, son, father, or brother does not excuse her, as he
cannot stand in such relation to others present.
If a lady in a car or stage finds the exertion of talking tiresome
or painful, she may say so frankly, and no gentleman must take
offence. Weak lungs may be really injured by the effort made to be
heard above the noise of a locomotive or wheels.
In travelling alone, a lady should speak to the conductor on a
train, or, in a long steamer passage, introduce herself to the
captain, explaining her unprotected situation, and they are bound
to extend every courtesy in their power. It is better for a lady
so travelling to wait until the rush of passengers is over before
quitting a train or boat, and then, if not waiting to meet any
one, leave the station.
A lady travelling alone may, with perfect propriety, accept
courtesy from strange gentlemen, such as raising or lowering a
window, the offer of a hand across a slippery plank, or any such
attention, being careful always to thank him politely for the
same, and in a tone that will not encourage conversation or
further advances.
Any apology made during a journey for accidental crushing,
crowding, reaching over the seat, or the like, must be accepted, a
silent but courteous bow being the best acknowledgment of the
politeness dictating such apology.
A gentleman, on entering a public carriage or omnibus, must never
step before a lady, but stand aside until she enters, raising the
hat slightly if she acknowledges his courtesy, as a true lady
will, by a bow. He may offer to assist her if she appears to need
it, even if she is a perfect stranger to him.
If a gentleman consents to act as escort to a lady, he must
carefully fulfill all the requirements of that rather arduous
position. If she meets him at a wharf or depot, he must be a
little before the hour for starting, to procure her ticket, check
her baggage, and secure for her a pleasant seat. He must never
leave her to stand in an office or upon a wharf whilst he attends
to her tickets and baggage; but, having seen her comfortably
seated in a ladies' room or cabin, return for those duties. In
arriving at a station, he must see her seated in a hack before he
attends to the trunks.
In a hotel, the gentleman must escort the lady to the parlor
before securing her room, but not detain her afterwards. However
agreeable she may be, he may be certain she is longing to rest
after her journey, and remove the travel stains from her face and
dress. He must at once escort her to her room, ascertain what
hour it will be agreeable for her take the next meal, and meet her
again in the parlor at that hour. He must not leave her upon
arriving at the journey's end until he has escorted her to the
house, and if he remains in the city, he must call the next day to
inquire after her health. After that, the lady may continue the
acquaintance or not, as she pleases; but if she declines to do so,
by nonrecognition at the next meeting, he is at liberty to decline
acting in the capacity of escort to her again.
A gentleman who is travelling alone may offer little courtesies to
strangers, and even to ladies, carefully maintaining a respectful
manner, that may assure them they need not fear to encourage
impertinence by accepting the proferred civilities.
In travelling abroad, the truest courtesy is to observe as far as
practicable every national prejudice. The old proverb, to "do in
Rome as Romans do," is the best rule of etiquette in foreign
travel. The man who affects a supercilious disdain for all foreign
customs and forms will not convince the natives of his vast
superiority, but impress them with the belief that he is an ill-
bred idiot. The most polite, as well as agreeable travellers are
those who will smilingly devour mouse-pie and bird's-nest soup in
China, dine contentedly upon horse-steak in Paris, swallow their
beef uncooked in Germany, maintain an unwinking gravity over the
hottest curry in India, smoke their hookah gratefully in Turkey,
mount an elephant in Ceylon, and, in short, conform gracefully to
any native custom, however strange it may appear to him.
"Comparisons are odious," and to be continually asserting that
everything in the United States is vastly superior to everything
abroad is a mark of vulgarity. If you really think there is
nothing to be seen abroad as good as you have at home, why, you
are foolish not to stay at home and enjoy the best.
A lady may, under certain circumstances, as, if she be a married
lady, and not too young, begin a conversation with a strange
gentlemen; but he must not, under any circumstances, begin a
conversation with her. An unmarried lady, unless advanced in life,
is not supposed to begin conversation with a strange gentleman.
When a lady, travelling alone, wishes to descend from a railway
car, it is the duty of the gentleman nearest the door to assist
her in alighting, even if he resumes his seat again. He may offer
to collect her baggage, call a hack, or perform any service her
escort would have attended to.
If a train stop for refreshments, a gentleman may, with perfect
propriety, offer to escort a strange lady, who is alone, to the
refreshment-room, or to bring to her any refreshments she may
desire. If she accepts his offer, he must see that she is served
with all that she desires before attending to his own wants. A
lady may always accept such an offer of attention, thanking the
gentleman for his politeness, and dismissing him by a courteous
bow, which he must accept as an intimation that his services are
no longer required.
Smoking in the presence of ladies is uncourteous, even if there is
no law against it in the car, stage, or boat. Some smokers, of
more inveterate weakness in the direction of tobacco than of
strength in politeness, make a parade of asking the permission of
any lady who may be present; but this is hardly enough. A lady
will not like to refuse, although she may dislike the smoke, and
she ought not to be put to her election between two alternatives
almost equally disagreeable. If gentlemen only are present, the
question should be put to each and every one of them whether they
have any objection to smoking in their presence. One dissentient
voice should carry the day; for no gentleman has a right to insist
upon his own special gratification if it will cause annoyance and
discomfort to others present. Should there be no objection on the
part of the entire party, the gentleman who first strikes his
fusee should offer it to any others near him about to indulge also
before he uses it himself.
As regards the right to have the window up or down, the person who
sits facing the the engine has the command. Ladies, being present,
should, of course, be consulted, no matter on which side they may
be sitting, and their wish must be considered a final settlement
of the question.
If a gentleman have any newspapers, he must offer them first to
his travelling companions. If refused, he may use them himself,
thus leaving them free to read also if they so desire.