WHEN a gentleman recognizes a friend in the course of his walk, he
must lift his hat with the hand farthest from him. Lifting the hat
is a sufficient recognition between gentlemen; but in meeting a
lady, an old gentleman, or a clergyman, it is necessary to bow
also.
If a gentleman wishes to shake hands with a friend, he must lift
his hat with the left hand, leaving the right free to extend.
Never must he give his left hand, or extend a portion of the
right. The whole right hand is _en regle_.
A lady must recognize a gentleman, by bowing, before he is at
liberty to acknowledge an acquaintance with her. Should she bow,
he must lift his hat and bow also. If he is sufficiently barbarous
to have a cigar in his mouth, he must remove it while bowing to a
lady.
If a gentleman is walking with a lady, he should insist upon
carrying any book, parcel, or umbrella she may have with her.
No gentleman may smoke when walking with a lady. He should even
decline to do so though he may be asked to continue smoking.
Should a lady stop a gentleman to speak, she must make a slight
inclination of the head as a token of dismissal, and he must
accept it as such, bow, and leave her.
No lady will be guilty of the vulgarity of sucking the head of her
parasol in the street.
To eat anything, even confectionery, in the street, is a sign of
low breeding.
A gentleman must give a lady, an old gentleman, or clergyman with
whom he may be walking, the upper side (nearest the houses) of the
pavement.
If a gentleman meets a lady friend who is walking with any one he
does not know, he must not stop, nor must he stop if his companion
is unacquainted with a lady friend whom he may chance to meet. The
lady, however, has a perfect right to do as she likes. If she
should stop, the strangers must be introduced, and none of the
group should go on and wait, whether the introduction be agreeable
or not.
A lady should avoid walking very rapidly. It is very ungraceful
and unbecoming.
Swinging the arms is an awkward and ill-bred habit.
For a lady to run across the street, to avoid a carriage passing,
is not only ill-bred, but exceedingly dangerous.
To attempt to cross the street between the carriages of a funeral
procession is rude and disrespectful; and we cannot but commend
the foreign custom of removing the hat, and standing in a
respectful attitude until the melancholy train has passed.
When a gentleman is walking alone, he must always turn aside to
give the upper side of the pavement to a lady, to any one carrying
a heavy load, to a clergyman, or to an old gentleman.
Never push violently through a crowd. If a gentleman or lady is
really in haste, a few courteous words will open a passage more
quickly than the most vigorous pushing or shoving.
If a lady is caught in a shower, and a gentleman offers an
umbrella, she may accept it, if he is going in the same direction
as herself and accompanies her. If not, and he still insists,
etiquette requires the return of the umbrella as soon as the lady
reaches her destination. No lady may accept this courtesy from a
strange gentleman, but must decline it firmly, but politely.
Stopping to stare in the shop-windows is against the rules of
strict etiquette.
If a gentleman and lady are obliged to cross a narrow walk, plank,
or slippery place, the lady may go first, and the gentleman walk
close behind her, to aid her if needful. If the place is short,
then the gentleman should go first, and then offer his hand to
assist the lady across. If a gentleman meet a lady or old
gentleman at such a crossing, he may, with perfect propriety,
assist them in crossing, even if perfect strangers to him.
A gentleman must hold his hat in his hand if he stops to inquire
his own way, or to direct another.
If a gentleman sees a lady alone hesitating at a bad crossing, or
leaving a carriage at an awkward place, he may offer his hand to
assist her in crossing or alighting, raise his hat, bow, and pass
on. A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept such assistance
from a stranger, thanking him, and returning his bow.
If a lady leaves an omnibus or car alone, the gentleman nearest
the door should alight, assist her out, and enter the omnibus
again.
Gentlemen should always pass up the fare of ladies in an omnibus.
A lady is not expected to recognize any acquaintance on the
opposite side of the street.
In a public conveyance, a gentleman should offer his seat to any
lady who is standing, and the lady should thank him audibly for
the courtesy. To turn his back upon her at once, and thus force
her to accept the courtesy in silence or shout her thanks, is
rude. A polite bow exchanged is a sufficient acknowledgment.
Loud talking and laughing in the street are sure signs of
vulgarity.
Never look back after any one passing; it is extremely ill-bred.
Staring is a mark of low breeding.
Whispering in a public conveyance is excessively rude.
Never call out loudly to an acquaintance who may be passing.
"Cutting" is to be avoided, if possible. There are other ways of
convincing a man that you will not know him; yet, to young ladies,
it is sometimes the only means available to rid them of a
troublesome acquaintance. Cutting consists in publicly ignoring,
by deed, and, if need be, by word, the acquaintance of the
offensive person. A stiff bow will usually effect the desired
object; if not, a purposed non-recognition will probably succeed.
It must be a very bad case where it is necessary to tell one you
"have not the pleasure of an acquaintance" with them. A gentleman
must never under any circumstances, cut a lady; an unmarried lady
may not cut a married one, nor a young man an old one.
George IV., when Prince of Wales, once cut Beau Brummell, with
whom he had quarrelled. The pair met in St. James-street, each
walking with a companion; the companions stopped to speak, but the
Prince did not see Brummell. The latter, to be revenged, and
knowing the horror the Prince had of being considered corpulent,
said to his companion, in a stage whisper, before the others were
out of ear-shot, "Who is your fat friend?"
On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right
hand, except when giving the upper side of the pavement as before
mentioned.
Let a lady walking with a gentleman have always the upper side of
the pavement, even if he changes sides at every turning.
Young persons, meeting elderly friends in the street, should wait
for a recognition before speaking, and then bow respectfully. To
nod carelessly at an old person is rude, if not actually
insulting.
If you meet two gentlemen in the street, and wish to speak to one
of them, apologize to the other, and make the detention as brief
as possible.
If a gentleman is about to enter or to leave a store, and meets a
lady in the door-way, he must stand aside, raise his hat, and wait
for her to pass. If the door is closed, and she is going the same
way as himself, he must pass before her, bow, saying, "Permit me,"
or "allow me to open the door," open it, and hold it open until
she has passed.
A gentleman walking with a lady should endeavor to accommodate his
steps to hers, not force her to stride along or trot with short
steps or his long ones.
Etiquette is too often disregarded in that grand aim of most
ladies' excursions on the street--shopping. True politeness will
lead a lady to pay some attention to the feelings of the clerks
and women in attendance, and they are quick to observe who are
ladylike, and who are not, in their intercourse with them.
Do not enter a store unless you have some errand.
Ask for what you want as explicitly as possible, and do not take
the time of the attendants by examining fifty things that you do
not want.
If you do not intend to purchase goods, but wish to examine them
for future selections, say so.
Never try to cheapen goods. If the price is too high for the
quality offered, or will not suit your purse, look elsewhere for
what will better suit you.
Do not stand hesitating at a counter. Make up your mind quickly,
or leave the store to make your decision, even if you return
again.
Be careful not to injure goods by handling.
Never ask for patterns without apologizing for the trouble, and
not then unless you really intend to return for the goods, as when
you are shopping for a friend, or wish for the judgment or taste
of another person.
Never give unnecessary trouble.
It is best to have all bundles sent home; they are awkward
additions to a walking-dress, and boys are kept for that purpose
in all well-arranged stores.
Never keep a clerk waiting while you chat with a friend. If you
desire to speak with your acquaintances, stand aside, that the
clerk may understand he is released for the time, and free to wait
upon other customers.
Never call away a clerk who is waiting upon some one else. Wait,
if you have business with an especial clerk, until you see that he
is disengaged.
Sneering remarks upon goods is rude in the extreme. If they do not
suit you, you are not obliged to buy them; but spare your
comments.
Lounging over a counter is ill-bred.
Putting your elbows on a counter is rude.
Pushing aside another person is an act of ill-breeding.
You must never take hold of a piece of goods another person is
examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter, when you
are at liberty to take it up.
Stage asides or whispering in a store are rude.
It is rude to interrupt friends you may meet in a store, to ask
their attention to your purchases, before they have finished
making their own. It is as rude to offer your opinion, unasked,
upon their judgment or taste in selection of goods.
A gentleman walking with two ladies may offer an arm to each of
them, and they may thus sandwich him if they wish; but under no
circumstances may a lady take the arms of gentlemen at each side
of her.
If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain-storm, and
there is but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and
walk outside. Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman
walking between two ladies holding an umbrella, which perfectly
protects himself, and sends little streams of water from every
point on the dresses of the ladies he is supposed to be
sheltering.
It is in bad taste to talk of personal matters in the street, or
to call loudly the names of persons you may mention. It is
impossible to say who may be near to you. To discuss friends by
name in a public conveyance of any kind is rude in the extreme.
If you meet a friend with whom you wish to shake hands, never put
out your own until you are quite near, as nothing looks more
awkward than hands extended to grasp each other two or three yards
apart.
Never turn a corner at full speed, or you may find yourself
knocked down or knocking down another by the violent contact.
Never bow from a store to a person on the street, or from the
street to a person in a store.
Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance.
Never stop to quarrel with a hack-driver. Pay his fare, and
dismiss him; if you have any complaint to make, take his number,
and make it to the proper authorities. To keep a lady standing
while you are disputing with a hack-man is extremely rude.
It is a sign of ill-breeding to change your seat in a car or
omnibus. If you are unfortunate enough to have a neighbor who is
positively annoying and unendurable, it is better to get out and
take the next conveyance than to move to the other side. A
gentleman may move from a crowded side to one left comparatively
vacant; but a lady should not do this.
In a city, or in any lonely place, a lady must avoid being alone
after nightfall, if possible. It exposes her, not only to insult,
but often to positive danger. It is very much the custom in small
country places for two ladies to take evening walks; but it is
better to have the protection of a gentleman if convenient.
It is better for a lady to decline entering a car or an omnibus
that is already full. She must either stand up or force some
polite gentleman to do so. It is better to wait for the next
conveyance.