LEAVING CARDS
The etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the
hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and
intimacies, to regulate and decide whom they will, and whom they will
not visit, whom they will admit into their friendship, and whom they
will keep on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish
further to cultivate and whose to discontinue.
It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but imperfectly
understood, and that many erroneous impressions prevail respecting the
actual use of visiting cards. The object of leaving cards is to signify
that a call has been made, due civility shown, and a like civility
expected in return.
Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most important of social
observances, as it is the ground-work or nucleus in general society of
all acquaintanceships. Leaving cards, according to etiquette, is the
first step towards forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of
acquaintances, and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure
step in the opposite direction. The following is the received code of
card-leaving in all its details according to the etiquette observed in
good society by both ladies and gentlemen, and should be faithfully
followed.
=A Lady's Visiting Card= should be printed in small, clear copper-plate
script, and free from any kind of embellishment as regards ornamental
or Old English letters. It should not be a thin card, and should be
three inches and five eighths in width, and slightly under two and a
half in depth.
The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of the card, and
her address in the left-hand corner. If she has a second address, it
should be printed in the opposite corner of the card. If the second
address is but a temporary one, it is usually written and not printed.
A married lady should never use her christian name on a card, but she
should use her husband's christian name before her surname if his father
or elder brother is living.
It is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and wives to have their
names printed on the same card, although at watering-places, the
practice of having the two names on the same card, "Mr. and Mrs. Dash,"
is still occasionally followed; but even when these cards are used, a
lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their own.
A lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting book, in which
to enter the names of her acquaintances, and the date when their cards
were left upon her, with the dates of her return cards left upon them,
that she might know whether a card were due to her from them, or whether
it were due to them from her.
A lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum book
sufficient for the purpose; a line should be drawn down the centre of
every page, dividing it into two columns, the one column for the names,
and the opposite column for the dates of the calls made and returned.
Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of a house; a wife
should leave cards for her husband, as well as for herself; and a
daughter for her father. The master of a house has little or no
card-leaving to do, beyond leaving cards upon his bachelor friends.
In the country it is otherwise, and those who return home are called
upon by their friends and acquaintances in the first instance, unless
under exceptional circumstances.
Ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their acquaintances and
friends to intimate that they have returned.
Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not be sent by post,
although in town, when the distance is considerable, it is tacitly
allowed; but, as a rule, ladies invariably leave their cards themselves.
On arriving in town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance
often send their visiting cards to their various friends and
acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer.
=The Routine of Card-leaving.=--As regards the routine of card-leaving.
When driving, a lady should desire her footman to inquire if the
mistress of the house at which she is calling is "at home." If not "at
home," and it is a first call, she should hand him _three_ cards--_one_
of her own, and _two_ of her husband's. Her card is left for the
mistress of the house, and her husband's cards for both master and
mistress.
If not a first call a lady should leave one only of her husband's cards
if his acquaintance with her friend's husband is an intimate one and
they are in the habit of meeting frequently. If, on the contrary, they
know each other but slightly, and meet but seldom, then two of his cards
should be left. This, however, not on every occasion of calling.
When a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand the three cards to
her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ----." This ensures the cards being left
at the right address, and is the correct formula for the occasion.
When a lady is walking, and finds the mistress of the house at which she
calls is "not at home," she should act as above.
When a lady intends making a call she should ask if "Mrs. ---- is at
home?" And if the answer is in the affirmative, she should, after making
the call, leave _two_ of her husband's cards on the hall table, and
neither put them in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room
table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be very
incorrect; but she might on reaching the hall hand them to the
man-servant silently, or she might send them in by her own servant when
seated in her carriage, saying, "For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not
leave her _own_ card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the
house, the reason for doing so no longer exists.[1]
When a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and the mistress of
the house is at home, the husband should leave one of his cards only,
for the absent master of the house; when the master of the house is at
home also, a card in that case should not be left.
When the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter or daughters, the
lady leaving cards should turn down one corner of her visiting card--the
right-hand corner generally--to include the daughter or daughters in the
call. This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card signifies
that other ladies of the family besides the hostess are included in the
call. A foreigner turns down the _end_ of a card instead of one corner
only, which has not the same signification. It is to denote that he has
left it in person.
A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for the daughters of
the house, but she not unfrequently leaves his card for the grown-up
sons of the house.
When a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is the guest of some
one with whom she is unacquainted, she should only leave cards for her
friend and not for her friend's hostess; but if she is slightly
acquainted with her friend's hostess, she should leave cards upon her
on the occasion of her first visit to her friend, but it would not be
necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if they were of
frequent occurrence.
Young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own; their names
should be printed beneath that of their mother on her card. In the case
of there being no mother living, the daughter's name should be printed
beneath that of her father on the usual lady's visiting card, but never
on the smaller cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are taken out
into society by relatives or friends, their names should be written in
pencil under the names of the ladies chaperoning them on their visiting
cards.
Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards of their own,
but until a young lady has attained what is termed a certain age, it
argues no little independence of action to have a card of her own; but
when she no longer requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of
her own, being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own
acquaintances.
When a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her parents, and wishes
to call on ladies with whom the lady she is staying with is
unacquainted, she should leave her mother's card on which her own name
is also printed, and should draw a pencil through her mother's name to
intimate that she was not with her on that occasion.
Cards should always be returned within a week if possible, or ten days
at latest, after they have been left, but to do so within a week is more
courteous. And care must be taken to return the "call" or "cards"
according to the etiquette observed by the person making the call or
leaving the card; that is to say, that a "call" must _not_ be returned
by a card only, or a "card" by a "call." This is a point ladies should
be very punctilious about.
Should a lady of higher rank return a card by a "call," asking if the
mistress of the house were "at home," her so doing would be in strict
etiquette; and should she return a "call" by a card only, it should be
understood that she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest; and
should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself, who
had only left a card upon her, her doing so would be a breach of
etiquette.
In large establishments the hall porter enters the names of all callers
in a book expressly kept for the purpose, while some ladies merely
desire their servant to sort the cards left for them.
The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards are intended should
never be written on the cards left at a house. The only case in which it
should be done would be when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman
staying at a crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their
receiving them, their names should be written on them thus: "For Mr. and
Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite an exceptional case, otherwise to
do so would be extremely vulgar.
=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--Visiting cards should be left
after the following entertainments: balls, receptions, private
theatricals, amateur concerts, and dinners, by those who have been
invited, whether the invitations have been accepted or not, and should
be left the day after the entertainment if possible, and certainly
within the week according to the rules of card-leaving already
described. On these occasions cards should be left without inquiry as to
whether the hostess is at home, although after a dinner-party it is the
rule to ask if she is at home, as to dine at a house denotes a greater
intimacy than being present at a large gathering. If the hostess were
not at home, cards should be left.
If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment, whether the
invitation came through a mutual friend or direct from the hostess
herself, the hostess being but a slight acquaintance of her own, besides
leaving cards on her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave
cards on her the following season, or, if residing in the same town,
within a reasonable time of the entertainment; but if these cards are
not acknowledged by cards being left in return, she should of course
understand that the acquaintance is to proceed no further.
A lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom she has but
recently been introduced at a dinner-party or afternoon tea; for
instance, she must meet her several times in society, and feel sure that
her acquaintance is desired, before venturing to leave cards. If two
ladies are of equal rank, tact will be their best guide as to the
advisability of leaving cards or not upon each other; the lady of
superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If either of the
ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance by asking the other to
call upon her, the suggestion should come from the lady of highest rank;
if of equal rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the
suggestion. But in either case the call should be paid within the week.
=Leaving Cards upon New-comers.=--In the country the residents should be
the first to leave cards on the new-comers, after ascertaining the
position which the new-comers occupy in society.
Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave cards or call
according as they intend to be ceremonious or friendly, and the return
visits should be paid in like manner, a card for a card, a call for a
call.
It is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers,
although having no previous acquaintance with them, or introductions to
them.
New-comers, even if of higher rank, should not call on residents in the
first instance, but should wait until the residents have taken the
initiative. If residents do not wish to continue the acquaintance after
the first meeting, it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not
calling again, and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue the
acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving cards only. Calling
on new-comers in the country should not be done indiscriminately, and
due consideration should be paid to individual status in society.
The lady of highest social position in the circle to which the
new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility of calling first on
the new-comers. By new-comers is expressed persons who intend to reside
in a county or town for a long, or even for a short period, and who are
not casual visitors in the place.
The custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely confined to
county society, and does not apply to residents in large towns and
populous watering-places.
In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from the
metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of residents calling on
new-comers.
=Cards "To Inquire."=--Cards to inquire after friends during their
illness should be left in person, and should not be sent by post; but
they may be sent by a servant. On a lady's visiting card should be
written above the printed name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the
person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in
person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind inquiries,"
written above the printed name, is the usual mode of returning thanks,
and is all-sufficient for the purpose.
=P.P.C. Cards.=--Formerly P.P.C. cards were left within a week of
departure, or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one.
The letters P.P.C. for _pour prendre conge_, written at the lower corner
of visiting cards, indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood.
P.P.C. cards may be left in person or sent by a servant; they can also
be sent by post. The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid
leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent
offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered.
In the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving
P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that period it would be
unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount
to an actual departure. Short absences render it unnecessary to leave
P.P.C. cards. Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide
are thoroughly recognised, and no leave-taking is obligatory. P.P.C.
cards are now seldom if ever left in town.
=Business Calls.=--When a lady makes a strictly business call upon
either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to be
taken to his master or mistress, but on no other occasion should she do
so.
=Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.=--A gentleman's card should be thin--thick
cards are not in good taste--and not glazed, and of the usual narrow
width, _i.e._ one and a half inches in depth, and three inches in width;
his name should be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr.
Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian name to
distinguish him from his father or elder brother. To have "Francis
Smith" printed on the card without the prefix of "Mr." would be in bad
taste.
Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or
printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military
or professional titles necessarily precede the surname of the person
bearing them, and are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain
Smith," "Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc.
As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title that is not used
on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable Henry Smith's" card should bear
the words "Mr. Henry Smith" only.
A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George Smith," and a
Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A gentleman's address should be
printed in the left hand corner of the card. If a member of a club, it
is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers
usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the
place of the address, and the regiment to which they belong at the right
hand.
Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, without
ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters look old-fashioned on a
card, and are but little used; and ornamental capital letters are never
used, and are out of date. The lettering should be as plain and as free
from any sort of embellishment as it well can be.
=The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.=--To bachelors card-leaving
is an irksome routine of etiquette, and is, therefore, in a measure
often neglected, by reason of their having little or no leisure at
command during the afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood
and accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor has his way
to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he
has already made, he should follow the rules of card-leaving.
Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on the master and
mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are
aware that the family have arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has
been away, he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after
his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of the house and
one for its master.
A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, even though he
may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress
of the house. A gentleman should not leave a card for the young
daughters of the house, or for any young relative of its mistress who
might be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom he is
acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling, he
should leave two cards for them, one for the wife and one for the
husband, and should tell the servant for whom they are intended.
As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a gentleman should not
leave his card upon a married lady, or the mistress of a house, to whom
he has been introduced, however gracious or agreeable she has been to
him, unless she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand
in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her.
This rule holds good, whether the introduction has taken place at a
dinner-party, at a ball, at an "at home," at a country-house gathering,
or elsewhere; he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such
slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further acquaintance,
she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house, in
which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as
convenient, and he should also leave a card for the master of the house,
the lady's husband or father (as the case may be), even if he had not
made his acquaintance when making that of the lady.
A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has been
introduced, but upon her mother or the relative with whom she is
residing.
When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight, they
should occasionally leave cards upon each other, especially when they do
not move in the same circle, and are not otherwise likely to meet; it
generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is
the one to leave his card first, always supposing that the strength of
the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. The one of highest rank
should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the
other; if the rank be equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls
first.
The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards acquaintances, have
little or no application as regards intimate friends; friendship
overrules etiquette.
When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very little
card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned.
=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--In the event of a gentleman
receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance, or
from a new acquaintance, or through some mutual friend, he should leave
his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the
entertainment, one for the mistress and one for the master of the house,
whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between friends this rule
is greatly relaxed.
It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the
hostess, after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them,
whether it be a dinner-party, or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has
been present or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges
him to pay them this civility, although great latitude as regards time
is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule.
If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days
after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they
should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards
are left the greater the politeness shown.
If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies
as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but
slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment.
When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house
of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a
gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on
their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have
invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the
year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he
might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These
complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more
than four during the year.
=Memorial Cards= are out of date in society, and consequently should not
be sent to either relatives or friends.
A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards
to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her
cards should be printed as during his lifetime.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] It is, however, permissible on the occasion of a _first_ call to
say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or
some such phrase.