MR. ADJECTIVE.
[Illustration:
A BRAVE PRINCE
A GOOD QUEEN
ADJECTIVES QUALIFY NOUNS]
The next Part-of-Speech called up before Judge Grammar was Mr.
Adjective.
“My young friends in Schoolroom-shire,” said Serjeant Parsing, “must
know Mr. Adjective well. He is the greatest chatterbox and the veriest
gossip that ever lived. You never in all your life, my lord, knew any
one who could say so much about one thing as Mr. Adjective. Mr. Noun
cannot mention a word, but Mr. Adjective is ready to tell all about
it, whether it is _little_ or _big_, _blue_ or _green_, _good_ or
_bad_, and mischief enough he does in Schoolroom-shire. For instance,
if Noun mentions Willy’s pen--‘_Nasty_, _spluttering_, _cross-nibbed_
thing,’ whispers Adjective, and Willy thinks that is why he wrote such
a bad copy, and did not dot his _i_’s. If Mr. Noun points out pussy,
who is coming into the room, purring and rubbing her head against
the leg of each chair as she passes, Adjective whispers that she is
a ‘_dear_, _sweet_, _soft_, _warm_, _little_ pet,’ so Milly leaves
off her sums to pick her up and play with her. Ann, the housemaid,
finds dirty boot-marks on her nice clean stairs, and as soon as she
sees Tom she tells him he is a ‘_tiresome_, _untidy_, _disobedient_,
and _naughty_ boy,’ not knowing that Mr. Adjective was whispering all
those words in her ear. Indeed, Mr. Adjective causes more quarrels in
Schoolroom-shire, and other places too, than any one can tell. Only
yesterday Jane and Lucy had a quarrel, I hear, because Jane pulled the
arm off Lucy’s doll. If Adjective had not put into Lucy’s head to call
Jane _naughty_ and _unkind_, Jane would not have answered that Lucy was
_cross_ and _disagreeable_. She would most likely have said, ‘I beg
your pardon, I did not mean to do it,’ and they would have been friends
again directly. See how much mischief is caused by talkative, gossiping
Mr. Adjective.”
“Really, Mr. Parsing,” remarked Adjective, now putting in his word for
the first time, “you have made a long speech to show how mischievous I
am. Pray, have you nothing to say about the good that my kind, loving
words do?”
“Oh, certainly, my dear sir,” said Serjeant Parsing, suddenly changing
his tone. “When you like any one you are a very good-natured fellow,
and can say all sorts of sweet things. I heard you in Schoolroom-shire
telling Mary that her mamma is her _own_ _dearest_, _kindest_,
_sweetest_ mother--that baby is a _bright_, _bonny_ _little_
darling--that Fido is a _good_, _faithful_ _old_ doggie--and that home
is the _happiest_ place in the _whole wide_ world. Oh, yes,” continued
Serjeant Parsing, “you can call people good names as well as bad.”
“I do not call people names,” said Adjective, indignantly. “I
_qualify_ them. I could qualify you, Mr. Parsing, and say you are an
_impertinent_, _rude_----”
“That will do, Mr. Adjective,” interrupted the Judge. “We understand
what you mean by _qualifying_. But tell us, are your words always
placed _before_ nouns?”
“Oh, no, my lord,” answered Adjective. “They _can_, almost all of them,
be used before a noun, but they are often used after it, in this way:--
The sky is _blue_,
The sun is _bright_,
My words are _true_,
The snow is _white_.
“You could also say, _blue sky_, _bright sun_, _true words_, _white
snow_, but it does not sound so well, I think. And when a pronoun
stands instead of a noun, and my words qualify it----”
“Oh, you qualify pronouns as well as nouns, do you?” asked Serjeant
Parsing.
“I am obliged to do so sometimes,” said Mr. Adjective, rather sulkily.
“I will not have my words used before a pronoun, as they are before a
noun. You can say:--
_I_ am _right_,
And _you_ are _wrong_;
_It_ is _late_,
And _we_ are _strong_.
But you must not say: _right I_, _wrong you_, _late it_, or
_strong we_.”
“I should think not,” said Serjeant Parsing, laughing. “Then we are
to understand that adjectives are used to qualify nouns and pronouns,
and that they may be used before a noun or after it, but not before a
pronoun.”
“Quite right, so far,” said Mr. Adjective; “but I can do other things
besides qualifying nouns.”
“What can you do?”
“I can tell how many there are of the thing the noun names, _one_,
_two_, _three_, _four_, and so on. And whether the thing is the
_first_, _second_, _third_, or _fourth_, and so on. And whether there
are _some_ things, _many_ things, _few_ things, _more_ things, _no_
things.”
“And all these words are adjectives, are they?”
“Yes,” answered Adjective. “All words that can be put before _thing_ or
_things_ are adjectives.”
“_A_ thing, _the_ thing,” remarked little Article, looking up with a
cunning smile at Adjective. “_A_ and _the_ are both articles.”
“_A_ and _the_ don’t count, of course,” said Adjective, impatiently.
“Besides, they were adjectives once, people say, only they got so
worn out, that I let my ragged little cousin Article have them. But
except _a_ and _the_, there is no word that you can put before _thing_
or _things_ that is not an adjective. A _beautiful thing_, an _ugly
thing_, _bad things_, _good things_, _green things_, _yellow things_,
_large things_, _little things_; and so you can say, _one thing_, _two
things_, _some things_, _any things_; and also, _this thing_, _that
thing_, _these things_, _those things_.”
“That seems a very easy way of finding out an adjective,” remarked the
Judge. “I hope it is a correct way.”
“Indeed it is, my lord,” said Adjective, earnestly. “See, I can give
you many more examples.
A _lovely_, _graceful_, _beautiful_ thing,
A _useful_, _homely_, _dutiful_ thing;
_Foolish_, _childish_, _useless_ things;
_Handsome_, _rich_, and _priceless_ things.”
“My lord,” said Mr. Noun, coming forward and speaking in a solemn
voice, “I accuse Mr. Adjective of stealing, and wish him to be sent to
prison.”
“Indeed!” said the Judge; “but he must be tried first, and you must
prove him guilty before I have him punished. What do you say he has
stolen?”
“My lord, he is constantly stealing my words, and only just now he
used these without my leave, in open court: _love_, _grace_, _beauty_,
_use_, _home_, _duty_.”
“Enough,” said the Judge. “I certainly heard him use some such words
only just now. Critics,” he called to the policemen, for that is the
name they have in Grammar-land, “seize Mr. Adjective, and keep him safe
until the court meets again, when he shall be tried for stealing.” Then
turning to the people of Schoolroom-shire, the Judge continued, “My
friends, I shall be much obliged if you will look over the following
story, and strike out of it all the words belonging to Mr. Adjective. I
cannot allow them to remain side by side with other words, until it is
proved that Mr. Adjective is not guilty of stealing them.”
The Judge then rose, and poor Mr. Adjective was led out of the court,
with his hands bound.
The following is the story which the Judge sent to the people of
Schoolroom-shire.
THE MAIDEN PRINCE.
A long, long time ago, there lived in a grey old castle, a widowed
queen, who had one only child, a beautiful bright boy. “My good husband
was killed in the terrible war,” said the timid queen, “and if my dear
son grows up to be a strong man, I fear that he will go to the cruel
wars, too, and be killed. So he shall learn nothing about rough war,
but shall be brought up like a simple maiden.” So she taught him all
maidenly duties, to spin, and to weave, and to sew, and she thought
he was too simple and quiet to wish to go to war; but one day there
came to the great castle gate a noble knight riding a gallant charger.
“Come,” he cried to the young prince, “come, follow me. I ride to fight
with the wicked and strong who are oppressing the weak and the poor.”
Up sprang, in a moment, the fair young boy, flung aside his girlish
work, seized his father’s battered sword, and leaped into the saddle
behind the noble knight. “Farewell, dear mother,” he cried, “no more
girlish work for me. I must be a brave man, as my father was, and
conquer or die in the rightful cause.” Then the foolish queen saw that
it was useless to try to make a daring boy into a timid maiden.
[Illustration]