* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ANTIQUARY.--_Tourist_ (_in Cornwall_). "May I be
permitted to examine that interesting stone in your field? These ancient
Druidical remains are most interesting!"
_Farmer._ "Sart'nly, sir. 'May be very int'restin' an' arnshunt, but we
do stick 'em oup for the cattle, an' call 'em roubbin' pusts!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Smithson, having read and heard much of the pleasures of
a driving tour, determines to indulge in that luxury during his
Whitsuntide holidays. He therefore engages a trap, with a horse that can
"get over the ground," and securing the services of an experienced
driver, he sets forth._
_Smithson._ "A--a--isn't he--a--a--hadn't I better help you to pull at
him?"
_Driver._ "Pull at 'im? Why yer'd set 'im crazed! Jist you let me keep
is 'ead straight. Lor' bless yer, there ain't no cause to be affeared,
as long as we don't meet nothing, and the gates ain't shut at
Splinterbone crossing, jist round the bend."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Stout Party._ "Is this path safe?"
_Flippant Youth._ "Yes, the path is--but I can't answer for _you_!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "Will you 'urry up paintin' that tree, sir? Cause I'm
goin' to cut it down in a quarter of an hour."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Tourist_ (_in search of "the unique," after admiring old
cottage_). "Is there anything else to look at in the village?"
_Village Dame._ "Lor' bless 'ee, why there's the beautiful new
recr'ation ground as we've just 'ad made!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A PASTORAL REBUKE.--_First Pedestrian_ (_they've lost
their way_), "Look here. This must be the east, mustn't it? There's the
chancel window--that's always east; then the south must be----"
_High-Church Priest_ (_"turning up" suddenly out of the vestry_), "I beg
your pardon, gentlemen, but I can't allow my church to be used for a
secular purpose. You'll find an unconsecrated weathercock on the barn
yonder!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Visitor._ "Will you tell me where I shall find a seat?"
_Verger._ "Weel, sir, there's a guid wheen veesitors in Inverness the
noo: so sit whaur ye can see yer umbrella!"]
* * * * *