A week--nay, more than a week slipped by in the customary monotony of
that large, placidly genteel, Bedford Square house, and Agatha heard
nothing of the house round the corner, which constituted one of the
faint few interests of her existence. Sometimes she felt vexed at the
lengthened absence of her friend and “guardian,” as she persisted in
considering him; sometimes the thought of young Nathanael's pale
face crossed her fancy, awakening both sincere compassion and an
uncomfortable doubt that all might not be going on quite right within
the half-drawn window-blinds, at which she now and then darted a curious
glance.
At last her curiosity or interest rose to such a pitch, that it is to
be feared that Agatha in her independent spirit, and ignorance of, or
indifference to the world, might have committed the terrific
impropriety of making a good-natured inquiry at the door of this
bachelor-establishment. She certainly would, had it consisted only of
the harmless youth Nathanael; but then Major Harper, at the mention of
whose name Mrs. Ianson now began to smile aside, and the invalid Jane to
dart towards Agatha quick, inquisitive looks--No; she felt an invincible
repugnance to knocking, on any pretence, at Major Harper's door.
However, having nothing to do and little to think of, and, moreover,
being under the unwholesome necessity of keeping all her thoughts to
herself, her conjectures grew into such a mountain of discomfort--partly
selfish, partly generous, out of the hearty gratitude which had been
awakened in her towards the younger brother since the adventure with
the bear--that Miss Bowen set off one fine morning, hoping to gain
intelligence of her neighbours by the round-about medium of Emma
Thornycroft.
But that excellent matron had had two of her children ill with some
infantine disease, and had in consequence not a thought to spare for any
one out of her own household. The name of Harper never crossed her lips
until Agatha, using a safe plural, boldly asked the question, “Had Emma
seen anything of them?”
Mrs. Thornycroft could not remember.--Yes, she fancied some one had
called--Mr. Harper, perhaps; or no, it must have been the Major, for
somebody had said something about Mr. Nathanael's being ill or out of
town. But the very day after that the measles came out on James, and
poor little Missy had just been moved out of the night-nursery into the
spare bed-room, etc. etc. etc.
The rest of Emma's information concerning her babies was, as they say
in the advertisements of lost property, “of no value to anybody but the
original owner.”
Agatha bestowed a passing regret on young Nathanael, whether he were ill
or out of town; she would have liked to have seen more of him. But that
Major Harper should contrive to saunter up to the Regent's Park to visit
the Thornycrofts, and never find time to turn a street-corner to say
“How d'ye do” to _her_! she thought neither courteous nor kind.
There was little inducement to spend the day with Emma, who, in her
present mood and the state of her household, was a mere conversational
Dr. Buchan--a walking epitome of domestic medicine. So Miss Bowen
extended her progress; took an early dinner with Mrs. Hill, and stayed
all the afternoon at that good old lady's silent and quiet lodgings,
where there was neither piano nor books, save one, which Agatha
patiently read aloud for two whole hours--“The life of Elizabeth Fry.”
A volume uninteresting enough to a young creature like herself, yet
sometimes smiting her with involuntary reflections, as she contrasted
her own aimless, useless existence with the life of that worthy
Quakeress--the prison-angel.
Having tired herself out, first with reading and then with singing--very
prosy and lengthy ballads of the old school, which were the ditties Mrs.
Hill always chose--Agatha departed much more cheerful than she came.
So great strength and comfort is there in having something to do,
especially if that something happens to be, according to the old
nursery-rhyme--
Not for ourself, but our neighbour.
Another day passed--which being rainy, made the Doctor's dull house seem
more inane than ever to the girl's restless humour. In the evening, at
his old-accustomed hour, Major Harper “dropped in,” and Agatha forgot
his sins of omission in her cordial welcome. Very cordial it was, and
unaffected, such as a young girl of nineteen may give to a man of forty,
without her meaning being ill-construed. But under it Major Harper
looked pathetically sentimental and uncomfortable. Very soon he moved
away and became absorbed in delicate attentions towards the sick and
suffering Jane Ianson.
Agatha thought his behaviour rather odd, but generously put upon it
the best construction possible--viz. his known kind-heartedness. So she
herself went to the other side of the invalid couch, and tried to make
mirth likewise.
Asking after Mr. Harper, she learnt that her friend had been acting as
sick-nurse, to his brother for some days.
“Poor fellow--he will not confess that he is ill, or what made him so.
But I hope he will be about again soon, for they are anxiously expecting
him in Dorsetshire. Nathanael is the 'good boy' of our family, and as
worthy a creature as ever breathed.”
Agatha smiled with pleasure to see the elder brother waxing so
generously warm; but when she smiled, Major Harper sighed, and cast his
handsome eyes another way. All the evening he scarcely talked to her
at all, but to Mrs. and Miss Ianson. Agatha was quite puzzled by this
pointed avoidance, not to say incivility, and had some thoughts
of plainly asking him if he were vexed with her; but womanly pride
conquered girlish frankness, and she was silent.
After tea their quartett was broken by a visitor, whom all seemed
astonished to see, and none more so than Major Harper.
“Why, Nathanael, I thought you were safely disposed of with your sofa
and book. What madness makes you come out to-night?”
“Inclination, and weariness,” returned the other, indifferently, as,
without making more excuses or apologies, he dragged himself to the
arm-chair, which Miss Bowen good-naturedly drew out for him, and slipped
into the circle, quite naturally.
“Well, wilful lads must have their way,” cried his brother, “and I am
only too glad to see you so much better.”
With that the flow of the Major's winning conversation recommenced; in
which current all the rest of the company lay like silent pebbles, only
too happy to be bubbled round by such a pleasant and refreshing stream.
The younger Harper sat in his arm-chair, leaning his forehead on his
hand, and from under that curve now and then looking at them all,
especially Agatha.
At a late hour the brothers went away, leaving Mrs. and Miss Ianson in
a state of extreme delight, and Miss Bowen in a mood that, to say the
least, was thoughtful--more thoughtful than usual.
After that lively evening followed three dull days, consisting of
a solitary forenoon, an afternoon walk through the squares, dinner,
backgammon, and bed; the next morning, _de capo al fine_, and so on; a
dance of existence as monotonous as that of the spheres, and not half so
musical. On the fourth day, while Miss Bowen was out walking, Nathanael
Harper called to take leave before his journey to Dorsetshire. He stayed
some time, waiting Agatha's return, Mrs. Ianson thought; but finally
changed his mind, and made an abrupt departure, for which that young
lady was rather sorry than otherwise.
The fifth day, Emma Thornycroft appeared, and, strange to say, without
any of her little ones; still stranger, without many references to them
on her lips, except the general information that they were all getting
well now.
The busy woman evidently had something on her mind, and plunged at once
_in médias res_.
“Agatha, dear, I came to have a little talk with you.”
“Very well,” said Agatha smiling; calmly and prepared to give up her
morning to the discussion of some knotty point in dress or infantile
education. But she soon perceived that Emma's pretty face was too
ominously important for anything short of that gravest interest of
feminine life--matrimony; or more properly in this case--match-making.
“Agatha, love,” repeated Emma, with the affectionate accent that was
always quite real, but which now deepened under the circumstances of
the case, “do you know that young Northen has been speaking to Mr.
Thornycroft about you again.”
“I am very sorry for it,” was the short answer.
“But, my dear, isn't it a great pity that you could not like the young
man? Such a good young man too, and with such a nice establishment
already. If you could only see his house in Cumberland Terrace--the real
Turkey carpets, inlaid tables, and damask chairs.”
“But I can't marry carpets, tables, and chairs.”
“Agatha, you are _so_ funny! Certainly not, without the poor man
himself. But there is no harm in him, and I am sure he would make an
excellent husband.”
“I sincerely hope so, provided he is not mine. Come, Tittens, tell Mrs.
Thornycroft what _you_ think on the matter,” cried the wilful girl,
trying to turn the question off by catching her little favourite. But
Emma would not thus be set aside. She was evidently well primed with a
stronger and steadier motive than what usually occupied and sufficed her
easy mind.
“Ah, how can you be so childish! But when you come to my age”---
“I shall, in a few more years. I wonder if I shall be as young-looking
as you, Emma?” This was a very adroit thrust on the part of Miss Agatha,
but for once it failed.
“I hope and trust so, dear. That is, if you have as good a husband as
I have. Only, be he what he may, he cannot be such another as my dear
James.”
Agatha internally hoped he might not; for, much as she liked and
respected Emma's good spouse, her ideal of a husband was certainly not
Mr. James Thornycroft.
“Tell me,” continued the anxious matron, keeping up the charge--“tell
me, Agatha, do you ever intend to marry at all?
“Perhaps so; I can't say. Ask Tittens!”
“Did you ever think in earnest of marrying? And”--here with an air of
real concern Emma stole her arm round her friend's waist--“did you ever
see anybody whom you fancied you could like, if he asked you?”
Agatha laughed, but the colour was rising in her brown cheek. “Tut, tut,
what nonsense!”
“Look at me, dear, and answer seriously.”
Agatha, thus hemmed in, turned her face full round, and said, with
some dignity, “I do not know, Emma, what right you have to ask me that
question.”
“Ah, it is so; I feared it was,” sighed Emma, not in the least offended.
“I often thought so, even before he hinted----”--
“Who hinted--and what?”
“I can't tell you; I promised not. And of course you ought not to know.
Oh, dear, what am I letting out!” added poor Mrs. Thornycroft, in much
discomfiture.
“Emma, you will make me angry. What ridiculous notion have you got
into your head? What on earth do you mean?” cried Miss Bowen, speaking
quicker than her usual quick fashion, and dashing the kitten off her
knee as she rose.
“Don't be vexed with me, my poor dear girl. It may not be so--I hope
not; and even if it were, he is so handsome, so agreeable, and talks so
beautifully--I am sure you are not the first woman by many a dozen that
has been in love with him.”
“With whom?” was the sharp question, as Agatha grew quite pale.
“I must not say.--Ah, yes--I must. It may be a mere supposition. I wish
you would only tell me so, and set my mind at rest, and his too. He is
quite unhappy about it, poor man, as I see. Though, to be sure, he could
not help it, even if you did care for him.”
“Him--what 'him?'”
“Major Harper.”
Agatha's storm of passion sank to a dead calm. She sat down again
composedly, turning her flushed cheeks from the light.
“This is a new and very entertaining story. You will be kind enough,
Emma, to tell me the whole, from beginning to end.”
“It all lies in a nutshell, my dear. Oh, how glad I am that you take it
so quietly. Then, perhaps it is all a mistake, arising from your hearty
manner to every one. I told him so, and said that he need not scruple
visiting you, or be in the least afraid that----”
“That I was in love with him? He _was_ afraid, then? He informed you so?
Very kind of him! I am very much obliged to Major Harper.”
“There now--off you go again. Oh, if you would but be patient”
“Patient--when the only friend I had insults me!--when I have neither
father, nor brother,--nobody--nobody----”
She stopped, and her throat choked; but the struggle was in vain; she
burst into uncontrollable tears.
“You have me, Agatha, always me, and James!” cried Emma, hanging about
her neck, and weeping for company; until, very soon, the proud girl
shut down the floodgates of her passion, and became herself again.
Herself--as she could not have been, were there a mightier power
dwelling in her heart than pride.
“Now, Emma, since you have seen how the thing has vexed me, though
not”--and she laughed--“not as being one of the many dozens of fools in
love with Major Harper--will you tell me how this amusing circumstance
arose?”
“I really cannot, my dear. The whole thing was so hurried and confused.
We were talking together, very friendly and sociably, as the Major and
I always do, about you; and how much I wished you to be settled in life,
as he must wish likewise, being the trustee of your little fortune, and
standing in a sort of fatherly relation towards you. He did not seem to
like the word; looked very grave and very”--
“Compassionate, doubtless! Said 'he had reason to believe, that is to
fear, I did not regard him quite as a father!' That was it, Emma, I
suppose?”
“Well, my dear, I am glad to see you laughing at it I don't remember his
precise words.”
“Probably these: 'My dear Mrs. Thornycroft, I am greatly afraid
poor Agatha Bowen is dying for love of me.' Very candid--and like a
gentleman!”
“Now you are too sarcastic; for he is a gentleman, and most kind-hearted
too. If you had only seen how grieved he was at the bare idea of your
being made unhappy on his account!”
“How considerate!--and how very confidential he must have been to you!”
“Nay, he hardly said anything plainly; I assure you he did not. Only
somehow he gave me the impression that he was afraid of--what I had
feared for a long time. For as I always told you, Agatha, Major Harper
is a settled bachelor--too old to change. Besides, he has had so many
women in love with him.”
“Does he count their names, one by one, on his fingers, and hang their
locks of hair on his paletot, after the Indian fashion Nathanael Harper
told us of?--Poor Nathanael!” And on her excited mood that pale “good”
face rose up like a vision of serenity. She ceased to mock so bitterly
at Nathanael's brother and her own once-honoured friend.
“I don't like your abusing Major Harper in this way,” said Emma,
gravely; “we all know his little weaknesses, but he is an excellent man,
and my husband likes him. And it is nothing so very wonderful if he has
been rather confidential with a steady married woman like me--just the
right person, in short. It was for your good too, my dear. I am sure I
asked him plainly if he ever could think of marrying you. But he shook
his head, and answered, 'No, that was quite impossible.'”
“Quite impossible, indeed,” said Agatha, her proud lips quivering. “And
should he favour you with any more confidences, you may tell him that
Agatha Bowen never knew what it was to be 'in love' with any man.
Likewise, that were he the only man on earth, she would not condescend
to fall in love with or marry Major Frederick Harper.--Now, Emma, let us
go down to lunch.”
They would have done so, after Mrs. Thornycroft had kissed and embraced
her friend, in sincere delight that Agatha was quite heart-whole, and
ready to make what she called “a sensible marriage,” but they were
stopped on the stairs by a letter that came by post.
“A strange hand,” Miss Bowen observed, carelessly. “Will you go
down-stairs, Emma, and I will come when I have read it.”
But Agatha did not read it. She threw it on the floor, and turning the
bolt of the door, paced her little drawing-room in extreme agitation.
“I am glad I did not love him--I thank God I did not love him,” she
muttered by fits. “But I might have done so, so good and kind as he was,
and I so young, with no one to care for. And no one cares for me--no
one--no one!”
“Young Northen” darted through her mind, but she laughed to scorn the
possibility. What love could there be in an empty-headed fool?
“Never any but fools have ever made love to me! Oh, if an honest, noble
man did but love me, and I could marry, and get out of this friendless
desolation, this contemptible, scheming, match-making set, where I and
my feelings are talked of, speculated on, bandied about from house to
house. It is horrible--horrible! But I'll not cry! No!”
She dried the tears that were scorching her eyes, and mechanically took
up her letter; until, remembering how long she had been upstairs, and
how all that time Emma's transparent disposition and love of talk might
have laid her and her whole affairs open before the Iansons, she
quickly put the epistle in her pocket unread, and went down into the
dining-room.
It was not till night, when she sat idly brushing out her long curls,
and looking at her Pawnee face in the mirror--alas! the poor face now
seemed browner and uglier than ever!--that Agatha recollected this same
letter.
“It may give me something to think about, which will be well,” sighed
she; and carelessly pushing her hair behind her ears, she drew the
candle nearer, and began leisurely to read.
[Illustration: She began leisurely to read p036]
The commencement was slightly abrupt:
“A month ago--had any one told me I should write this letter, I
could not have believed it possible. But strange things happen in our
lives--things over which we seem to have no control; we are swept on by
an impulse and a power which most often guide us for our good. I hope it
may be so now.
“I came to England with no intention save that of seeing my family, and
no affection in my heart stronger than for them. Living the solitary
life that Uncle Brian leads, I have met with few women, and have never
loved any woman--until now.
“You may think me a 'boy;' indeed, I overheard you say so once; but I am
a man--with a heart full of all a man's emotions, passionate and strong.
Into that heart I took _you_, from the first moment I ever saw your
face. This is just three weeks ago, but it might have been three
years--I know you so well. I have watched you continually; every trait
of your character--every thought of your mind. From other people I have
found out every portion of your history--every daily action of your
life. I know you wholly and completely, faults and all, and--I love you.
No man will ever love you more than I.
“That you should have the least interest in me now, is, I am aware,
unlikely; indeed, almost impossible; therefore I shall not expect
or desire any answer to this letter, sent just before I leave for
Dorsetshire.
“On my return, a week hence, I shall come and see you, should you not
forbid it. I shall come merely as a _friend_, so that you need have no
scruple in my visiting you, once at least. If afterwards, when you know
me better, you should suffer me to ask for another title, giving to you
the dearest and closest that man can give to woman--then--oh! little you
think how I would love you, Agatha!
“Nathanael Locke Harper.”
Agatha read this letter all through with a kind of fascination. Her
first emotion was that of most utter astonishment. It had never crossed
her mind that Nathanael Harper was the sort of being very likely to fall
in love with anybody--and for him to love her! With such a love, too,
that despite its suddenness carried with it the impression of quiet
depth, strength, and endurance irresistible. It was beyond belief.
She read over again fragments of his own words. “I took you into my
heart from the first moment I ever saw you;”--“I love you--no man will
ever love you more than I.” “Little you think how I would love you,
Agatha!”
Agatha--who a minute before had been pondering mournfully that no one
cared for her--that she was of no use to any one--and that no living
soul would miss her, were her existence blotted out from the face of
earth that very night!
She began to tremble; ay, even though she felt that Nathanael had
judged correctly--that she did not now love him, and probably never
might--still, overwhelmed with the sudden sense of _his_ great love,
she trembled. A strange softness crept over her; and for the second time
that day she yielded to a weakness only drawn from her proud heart by
rare emotions--Agatha wept.