A long and very carefully written letter from an unknown gentleman who
signs himself “Retired Professor” has recently reached me. ¶ The Great
Obscure favor me quite often with anonymous epistles, but life being
short and the wastebasket wide, I seldom reply. Yet now an exception must
be made, and I answer “Retired Professor” for the sole and simple reason
that he has “retired,” and in retiring has made the world his debtor.
Probably no one act of this man’s entire life has been so potent for
good as this. He has set all Professors without humor a most precious
precedent. ¶ In gratitude, hoping that his example will bear fruit, I
reply. ¶ Did space permit I should be glad to print my correspondent’s
letter entire, but the gist of his scholarly argument is that the Society
of the Philistines is endeavoring to make free-thought universal and
paganism popular. He stoutly avers that the ancient Philistines were
the enemies of Jehovah, that they worshiped strange gods, and that
they were the sworn foes of the Chosen People. ¶ Now this is the sad
part: he proves his case. The gentleman explains that he would not have
seen _The Philistine_ Magazine had not his daughter, “an unmarried
lady of thirty-two,” purchased several copies; but from this on, with
his permission, no more numbers of this “infidelic infernal machine”
shall enter his house ❦ My heart goes out to all unmarried ladies of
thirty-two. Especially so when they have fathers who are irascible;
only one worse fate can befall a woman of thirty-two than to have an
irascible father, and that is to have a lover who is irate. Still I
doubt me not that the daughter of “Retired Professor” will find a way
to read _The Philistine_, for booklets laugh at locksmiths! ¶ Yet,
ignorance prevails, for is not “Retired Professor” living proof? And so
I will say: There lived in the Far East about three thousand years ago
a tribe of people known as Philistines ❦ It is a hotly mooted question
among the theologians whether they were so called because they lived in
Philistia or whether Philistia took its name on account of being peopled
by Philistines. I will not take sides on this issue, but hedge closely
and simply stand firm on the fact that a tribe called the Philistines
existed ❦ Near them lived the Hivites, the Moabites, the Canaanites, the
Hittites, the Jebusites, the Perizzites, the Ammonites and the Gothamites
❦ Now, among these tribes none was so strong, none so intelligent, none
so handsome, none so virtuous as the Philistines. And it came to pass
that the superior quality of moral fiber in the Philistines caused
the entire country to be known as Philistia; it was the general name
given to the whole valley of the Jordan. And the name endures even unto
this day. ¶ Palestine means the land of the Philistines. And it seems
that among them there was a rude sense of right and wrong. For if a man
owned a piece of ground and planted a vine on it, and then watered and
tended the vine, the grapes that grew on this vine were his, and all of
the people agreed to this, and the man and his neighbors knew all this
without a Dispensation ❦ These people planted vineyards, and had gardens,
and fields of wheat and barley. They had barns with threshing-floors;
and they had carts, plows and other implements. They builded houses and
owned their homes; and the men loved their wives and their children; and
the women were the comrades of the men—all taking part in the sports as
well as in the work, for they were a merry, happy people ❦ Now, about
thirteen centuries before the Christian Era, while they were living in
peace and prosperity, there swooped down upon them a horde of escaped
slaves, called Israelites ❦ These slaves had broken away from their
masters in Egypt. The country to which they traveled was only about
three hundred miles from Egypt; but as their average speed was less than
a mile a week, it took them forty years to make the journey. ¶ The man
who led these slaves in their flight was one Moses, who in a righteous
cause had killed a man in Egypt and fled. After many years of exile,
during which time he had been in Philistia and liked it, he returned and
led the exodus. When the Israelites left, they took all the gold and
silver ornaments and utensils they could “borrow,” and melted them up.
And they were not ashamed of this act, for they have written it down
in the third chapter of a book called Exodus. ¶ The ancient Israelites
never had any clear ideas as to the rights of property. When they found
grapes growing on a vine, they helped themselves and swore that the fruit
was theirs by Divine right. In order to impress this ignorant, barbaric
horde with the sense of authority, Moses, who was diplomatic as well
as good, told the people that God directed him and that Deity told him
what to do and say. Moses used to go up on a mountain, clear above the
clouds, beyond where the mists hover, and when he came down the people
asked him what he had been up there for, and he told them he went up
there to see God. ¶ In no other way could Moses control this restless mob
except by saying, God says so and so. And the fact that their leader was
on such good terms with Elohim or Yahveh inflated these people so that
they always spoke of themselves as “the Chosen People of God.” In fact,
they took it all in and were so vain and boastful that Moses was often
ashamed of them ❦ The Jebusites, the Hittites and the Moabites never
referred to the Israelites as the Chosen People of God. No one called
them the Chosen People of God—only they themselves. And I wish to say
right here that the individual who does a great and magnificent work is
on close and friendly terms with God. He is the Son of God, and it is
necessary that he should feel this kinship in order to do his work. From
Moses, the called of God, on up to Socrates, who listened to the Demon,
to George Fox, who harkened to the Voice, to the prophets of our own
time, all lie low in the Lord’s hand and listen closely ere they act. A
man is strong only when he feels that he is backed by a Power, not his
own, that makes for Righteousness. So Moses was not guilty of falsehood;
but the people who took him literally put him in a wrong light. ¶ When
I think of those brave souls, the Saviors of the World, who have sought
to lead men out of the captivity of evil—feeling and knowing that they
were the Sons of God—I stand uncovered ❦ But a mass of people—a crowd, a
mob—that claims to be a “Chosen People” is a sight to make angels weep.
“You can not indict a class,” said Macaulay; corporations have no souls,
and a horde that claims to be inspired is only a howling, cowardly Thing
❦ Great men are ever lonely and live apart, but birds of a feather flock
together because they are afraid to flock alone. They want warmth and
protection—they are afraid. A mob is the quintessence of cowardice—a
dirty, mad, hydra-headed monster, that one good valiant Saint George can
thrust to the heart. When a mob speaks I say, Vox populi, vox devil! ¶
At the time the Israelites tumbled pellmell upon the Philistines, Moses
had long been dead. The mob was without a leader, and quarrel was rife
amid its broken ranks. In a mad rush they stampeded the herds of the
Philistines, scattered their flocks, destroyed their gardens, and as
excuse they shouted, We are the Chosen People of God! And one of their
Poets sang a song, which runs thus: “Moab is my washpot; over Philistia
will I cast my shoe.” This only made the Philistines laugh, and although
the Israelites outnumbered them, they went at it and scattered them.
Finally, after long years of warfare, the fight was called a draw, and
the Jews settled down and following the good example of the Philistines
made themselves homes. ¶ Of course, as sane men and women, we of today
do not suppose that the great Universal Intelligence that holds the
world in the hollow of His hand had much interest in the fight. If this
intelligence were a Being, I can imagine Him looking over the battlement
of Heaven and turning with a weary smile to Gabriel, saying: “Let ’em
fight—what boots it! They will all be dead tomorrow, anyway.” ¶ It is
a noteworthy fact that in the first chapter of the Gospel of Saint
Matthew the Inspired Writer traces the genealogy of Jesus direct to the
Philistines. In the sixth verse we find “David begat Solomon of her who
had been the wife of Uriah.” Back of this is Ruth the Moabitess, who was
the grandmother of David. There is no such thing as tracing a pure Jewish
lineage back to the time of Moses ❦ The Jews went a-courting as soon as
they arrived on the borders of Canaan; and the heathen quite fancied the
Israelitish women from the first. ¶ In the Book of Ruth, first chapter
and fourth verse, I see, “And they took them wives out of the country of
Moab.” The houses of Capulet and Montague have ever intermarried—it seems
a quiet way Nature has of playing a little joke. And after a painstaking
study of the matter I am fully convinced that the many sterling qualities
in the Jew are derived from his Philistine ancestry. No one doubts that
Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived. His mother was a Philistine.
Now, no man is ever greater than his mother, and it is very plain that
the great wisdom of Solomon was derived from this pagan woman whose body
and spirit nourished him, in whose loving arms he was cradled, and whose
intellect first fired his aspiration. ¶ This is all made plainer yet when
we remember that David had many sons by Jewish women, and that all of
these sons were positively no good—and some of them very, very bad ❦ The
facts are found in the Second Book of Samuel—a book, by the way, which
no respectable girl should allow her mother to read. But if any captious
critic arises and denies the Law of Heredity, for argument’s sake I’ll
waive this matter of maternal transmission of excellence and rest my case
as to Solomon’s wisdom on the fact that he married over four hundred
Philistine women ❦ And, as stated by Sir Walter Besant in a recent story,
“a newly married woman always tells her husband everything she knows,” I
feel safe in saying that Solomon’s transcendent wisdom was derived from
Philistinic sources. ¶ Only one incident in the history of this people do
I wish to set straight before the world at this writing—that is the story
of Goliath ❦ According to recently discovered cuneiform inscriptions, it
is found that the giant lived long enough to attend the funeral of David,
so it is hardly likely that David slew him. That David threw pebbles at
the warrior is doubtless true, but the giant of course paid no attention
to the boys that followed him—going along about his business just as any
other dignified giant would have done ❦ But David went home and told
that he had killed the man—and the Israelites wishing to leave a proud
record wrote the tale down as history ❦ We have reason to believe that
this story was interpolated into the Bible during the first of the Third
Century. In David’s case, summer and autumn quite fulfilled the promise
of spring ❦ That eleventh chapter of Second Samuel, showing how he stole
Bathsheba and then killed Uriah, her husband, reveals the quality of
the man. But it was left for his dying act to crown a craven career ❦
With his last lingering breath—with the rattle of death in his throat—he
gasped to his son, referring to a man who had never wronged him, “Let
not his hoar head go down to Sheol in peace!” With the utterance of
these frightful words his soul passed out into the Unknown ❦ In all that
David wrote, not a word can I find that hints at his belief in a future
life—he simply never thought of it—and dying as a dog dies, he gnashed
at Shimei, whose offense was that thirty-five years before he had told
David a little wholesome truth ❦ Shimei was a brave fellow and David
dare not fight him, so he made a truce with him and swore an oath that
he would never molest him, but dying he charged Solomon to search him
out with a sword ❦ This is recorded by the Inspired Writer in the ninth
verse of the second chapter of First Kings. With forty-one distinct
crimes to David’s charge, the killing of nine hundred thousand men and
two hundred thousand women and children, the houghing of thousands of
horses, all of which is set down in infallible Holy Writ, his record is
very bluggy. In fact, his whole life’s pathway is streaked with infamy ❦
David being a literary man of acknowledged merit, I have given him more
attention than I would a plain, every-day king. And I now brand him as an
all-round rogue. I do this calmly, holding myself personally responsible,
and fully prepared to plead justification and prove my case should the
heirs or next-of-kin consider my language libelous. ¶ And while I do not
know anything about it for certain, it is my opinion that at the Last
Great Day the folks who stayed around home and pruned their vines and
tended their flocks and loved their wives and babies will fare a deal
better than those other men who made war on an innocent people and tried
to render them homeless ❦ Of course, I may be wrong about this, but I
can not help having an opinion. Altogether, my sympathies are with the
Philistines—who were so strong in personality that they gave their name
to the Holy Land—Pelishton, Pelesheth, Philistia, Palestina, Palestine.
¶ Long years ago Professor Jowett called attention to the fact that the
word Philistia literally meant Land of Friendship; the term having the
same root as the Greek word _Philos_—Love. Max Muller has said, “The
dwellers in the Valley of the Jordan, in the fifteenth century before
Christ, recognizing the idea of Oneness or Fraternity, gave a name that
signified Love-Land to their country: thus embodying the modern thought
of the Brotherhood of Man.” ❦ In view of these things it was rather a
strange move—a man so scholarly as Matthew Arnold applying the word
“Philistine” as a term of reproach toward those who did not think as
he did! I can see, though, that he shaped his language to fit the ears
of his clientele. He sought to make clever copy—and he did. The opinion
being abroad that the Philistines were the enemies of Light—how very
funny to throw the word like a mud ball at any and all who chanced to
smile at his theories! Having small wit of their own, the scribbling
rabble took it up. ¶ On reading certain books by a Late Critic, who now
wears prison garb and is doing the first honest work that ever his hands
found to do, I see that he is very fond of calling people who are outside
of his particular cult, “Philistines.” But look you! Brave Taurus at the
bullfight is a deal more worthy of respect than the picadores who for a
price harrow him without ruth to his death ❦ And as his virtue surpasses
that of any in the silken, belaced and perfumed throng, who sit safe and
with lily fingers applaud, so do we accept your banderilla, recognizing
from whence it comes, and wear it jauntily as a badge of honor. ¶ As
the Cross for eighteen hundred years has been a sacred emblem, and the
gallows since John Brown glorious; and as the word Quaker, flung in
impudent and impotent wrath, now stands for gentleness, peace and truth,
so has the word Philistine become a synonym for manly independence. ¶ In
Literature he is a Philistine who seeks to express his personality in his
own way ❦ A true Philistine is one who brooks no let or hindrance from
the tipstaffs of letters, who are only intent on crystallizing a life
and language that are as yet very imperfect ❦ These men strive hard to
reduce all life to a geometrical theorem and its manifestations to an
algebraic formula. But Fate is greater than a college professor, and so
far its mysteries, having given the slip to all the creeds, are still
at large. My individual hazard at truth is as legitimate as yours. The
self-appointed beadles of letters demand that we shall neither smile nor
sleep while their Presiding Elders drone, but we plead in the World’s
Assize for the privilege of doing both. So in Art we ask for the widest,
freest and fullest liberty for Individuality—that’s all! ❦
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