_With the Result That His Clothes Finally Went into a Pot, and Fortune
Scowled upon Him._
"When a man arrives at that pitch where he'll bet the clothes off his
back over a jackpot, it's about up to him to let the game of draw alone,
in my opinion," said a traveling special agent of the Treasury
Department. "I'm talking about a game of draw that happened last fall
down in the Territory, on the south bank of the Canadian River, in the
Chickasaw country, between four St. Louis men. They were on their annual
hunting trip down there. They were well-known business men of old St.
Loo, pals of a half a lifetime, and they had been after bear, deer,
feathered game, or any old thing shootable down in the Territory every
year together for more than a decade. They always played poker on these
outings, too, and the bank president always got all the money. The other
three couldn't do anything whatever with the bank president's brand of
poker. They'd been digging at him on these excursions for ten years,
trying every conceivable scheme to get his money, and even playing in
combination against him, but when it came time to strike camp he always
had all the money in the crowd, owned all the camp fixtures, and served
out smoking tobacco to his three chums in a lordly way only when he felt
generous. It made 'em hot, but they had to accept his alms if they
wanted to smoke.
"The three of 'em determined when the party set out from St. Louis in
their special car last autumn that the bank president wasn't going to
come back from the hunting trip with all the money, even if they had to
leave his bones to bleach on the banks of the Canadian. They declared
together that the bank president's sassiness for the remainder of the
year after eating them up at poker down in the Territory was something
unbearable, and they didn't intend to stand for it any more.
"They played a little poker in their car on the trip down from St.
Louis, and this gave one of the three conspirators a chance to get hold
of the bank president's two decks of cards. The conspirators carefully
marked these two decks of cards--marked 'em both just the same way--and
then, during the temporary absence of the bank president in another part
of the car, he elaborately explained to his two companions in infamy how
he had done it, the three going over the bank president's two decks in
detail, so as to master the markings. Then the two decks were returned
furtively to the bank president's grip, and the rest of the playing on
the trip down was done with ordinary packs. They never played big on
these journeys, anyhow, but reserved their stiff games for the
bad-weather days in camp.
"When they got to their point of debarkation on the line, they left
their car on a siding and struck out for their regular camp, about
seventy-five miles from the railroad. They stuck to the bagging of pelts
and antlers for a week or so; then a threatening morning came along and
the bank president suggested poker.
"'What's the use?' they all demurred, eying the bank president gloomily.
'You always get the whole works, and then you're insufferable for the
rest of the year. We don't think you're on the level, anyhow.'
"'Oh, I'll give you all a chance this time,' said the bank president,
grinning. 'I won't be hard upon you. Then, you see, the more you fellows
play with me in the game, why, the more you learn about poker, and I'm
sure the instruction you get helps you a lot in your games with the dubs
up in St. Loo. I'm noted, anyhow, for my generosity in giving others the
benefit of my wisdom.'
"'Well,' said the spokesman and arch-conspirator of the three, 'we'll
play a little game of table-stakes, but checks don't go; this thing of
the three of us writing you checks that keep your large family in
opulence for a year is'----
"'All right, let it be table stakes,' replied the bank president
amiably. 'I'm not a man to take bread out of the mouths of the
impoverished,' and with more of such badinage the game started.
"An ordinary deck was used at first--a deck out of the satchel of the
real estate man, the infamous member of the conspiring trio who had
marked the bank president's cards. The bank president, as usual, had all
of the luck from the jump. He seemed to rake down every pot. The three
glared at him and made all sorts of insinuating remarks about the
phenomenal luck of the bank president that had continued for a dozen
years. The bank president regarded them indulgently, and told them
they'd learn the elementary principles of the game after they'd camped
with him for another ten years or so.
"After an hour's play the bank president beat the real estate man--the
other two had dropped out--out of a stiff jackpot with a pair of better
threes, and the real estate man simulated great rage and tore the deck
of cards into many pieces.
"'For heaven's sake, give us another deck!' he exclaimed, passionately,
with a furtive wink at his two companions in crime.
"The bank president reached back of him, collared his grip, and produced
one of his decks with a bland smile. They surely were scientifically
marked, for this bank president had an eye in his head, and he didn't
get next.
"'Well, we'll try one of my decks,' said the bank president. 'Of course,
it'll be a shame to plug you with a new musket--none of my decks has
been riffled yet--but maybe my unfamiliarity with the range of the fresh
gun'll give you all a show at me.' Oh, this bank president was arrogant
in victory, all right.
"Well, he wasn't one, two, three, from then on, of course. It was done
mighty well, and not so as to excite the bank president's suspicions in
the least, but he found himself topped practically every time, and his
face grew long. He was quite heavily in the hole at the end of an hour's
play with his own deck.
"'Oh, we've got on to your bluffing style of play, that's all,' said the
real estate man complaisantly. 'You just had us scared together for the
past ten years, but you're as clear a proposition now as a mountain
creek. I always thought you were more or less of a counterfeit and a
four-flusher, anyhow, didn't you, fellows?'
"Of course the other two thought so, too, and the bank president's brow
clouded as, time after time, after he had bet hard on hands that looked
to him to be worth every dollar he ventured on them, he found himself
topped, niggered out. The real estate man increased the bank president's
worry by flashing a nine-high straight against the financier's
eight-high straight, and then the latter did a card-tearing stunt
himself. He ripped his deck into ribbons with a running commentary of
strong talk.
"'It must be a rank deck that'll permit of a set of amateur skates like
you fellows putting it on me,' he said. Then he dug into his grip again
and produced the other 'phony deck, his three companions warning him
against letting his angry passions rise, and so on.
"The three conspirators let the bank president pull down a couple of
sizable pots with this deck just for the sake of enjoying his renewed
impertinence, and then they went at him good and hard. At the end of an
hour they had the bank president's supply of ready cash--about
$500--badly wilted. He had only $100 left when it came around the real
estate man's turn to dish out a jackpot round. The bank president was
under the gun, as they say out there of the man who's to the left of the
dealer of a jackpot, and he cracked the pot open for the limit. The
other two stayed, and when it got up to the real estate man he raised it
the limit. This knocked his two confederates out of it--as a matter of
fact the arch-conspirator winked them out of it--but the limit was just
what the bank president wanted with his four bullets.
"The bank president took one card with a crafty,
I'll-make-him-think-I'm-four-flushing expression of countenance. The
real estate man, with a queen-high sequence flush of hearts remarked
that the bunch he had was good enough for him. Then they got to betting,
and it was no time at all before the bank president had done the apology
act with the remains of his $500. He pulled out a check-book then and
was fumbling around for a fountain pen when the real estate man called
him down.
"'Not on your life,' he said. 'Agreement was that checks don't go,
you'll remember.'
"'But this hand'----the bank president started to say.
"'Makes no difference about that hand,' interrupted the real estate man.
'Agreement was for table stakes.'
"'But, great Caesar, man,' pleaded the bank president. 'I want to get
some kind of a decent run for this hand. Why, I'd bet the clothes right
off my back on it.'
"'Well,' said the real estate man calmly, 'we didn't make any
stipulation about clothes and personal possessions, and you can get the
clothes off your back if you want to. But no checks.'
"'Well,' said the bank president, peeling off a big solitaire ring,
'this stone's worth $400, and I'll raise you that much.'
"'I see you,' said the real estate man. 'What else have you got that I
can raise against?'
"'Well,' replied the bank president, 'this watch is worth $300 and'----
"'Skate it in,' interrupted the real estate man. 'Raise you $300 then,
your valuation of the ticker.'
"'Dog-gone the luck,' said the bank president, 'I don't want to call
you. I know I've got you beat. I'd be willing to bet my corduroys, shoes
and hat that I've got you soaked, for'----
"'Rush 'em to the center, then,' calmly replied the real estate man.
'Supposing I appraise the corduroys, shoes and hat at $50 for the
bundle. That satisfactory?'
"'It's got to be,' replied the bank president mournfully.
"'All right, then, put 'em in the pot and I'll consider that you've
called me,' said the real estate man.
"The bank president stood up, peeled off his coat and waistcoat and
hunting breeches and dropped them on the blanket that served for a
table. Then he removed his pair of high hunting shoes and placed them on
top of the clothes, and tossed his fore-and-aft cap on the heap. Then he
sat down in his underclothes, picked up his four aces, and said:
"'Now, dern you, put down your little straight or full and I'll show you
what you're up against.'
"The wealthy depositors of the St. Louis bank of which he was the head
would have enjoyed seeing his face when the real estate man calmly laid
down his sequence flush and hauled down the pot, togs and all, without a
word.
"'You're a good thing, ain't you?' said the other two, who had been
taking the play in with a positive knowledge of how it was going to come
out.
"The bank president looked pretty forlorn as the three sat there and
guyed him. Finally he stood up.
"'Well,' said he to the real estate man. 'I'll just write you a check
for the fifty you allowed on those togs of mine,' and he started to
reach for the clothes in order to dress himself. The real estate man
held the suit, shoes and hat out of the bank president's reach.
"'These things ain't for sale,' he said. 'They'll all just about fit
me,' trying on the hat, 'and I guess I'll just hang on to them as a sort
of No. 2 outfit.'
"'But, great Scott, man!' exclaimed the bank president, 'don't you know
that I haven't got another stitch in camp--that that rig-out's the only
one I brought from the car?'
"'Too bad,' said the real estate man. 'You hadn't ought to've skated the
togs into the pot, then. Sorry, old man, but honest, I really couldn't
think of parting with these things for any amount of money. I've only
got one suit along with me, too, and only one hat and pair of shoes, and
if they get wet what am I going to do? Got to have a change, you know. I
really feel very deeply for you in your predicament, and so do the other
boys--don't you fellows?--but I need this outfit in my business.'
"The other two men nodded their heads in grave endorsement of this stand
and the bank president frothed at the mouth.
"'What the devil do you expect me to do, you blamed idiot?' he shouted
at the real estate man. 'Stand around the tent and shiver, or cut across
the trail in my underclothes for the car to get another set of togs?'
"'I wish I could think of some plan to help you out, old man,' answered
the real estate man with commiseration in his countenance, 'but I really
couldn't think, under any consideration, of giving up these things,' and
he made the suit, the shoes and the hat up into a neat bundle as he
spoke. Just then one of the other men, who had been prowling outside,
came running into the tent breathless.
"'Say, fellows,' he exclaimed, 'there's some fresh bear tracks right
over there in the clearing,' and he grabbed his gun. So did the other
two. The bank president made as if to pick up his rifle, too, when his
eye fell on his lack of raiment. By that time the real estate man was
fifty yards from the tent, at a lope with the other two.
"'Hey, come back here, you confounded cut-throat!' the financier yelled
after the real estate man, who had the bank president's clothes, shoes
and hat slung in a neat bundle over his shoulder. But the three men were
out of voice range in a jiffy.
"They came back, beaming, along toward nightfall, with the pelts of two
nice young black bears. They found the bank president moping around,
wrapped up in a blanket and sulphurizing the air when they reached the
tent. Then they sat around him in a circle and expressed their sincere
sympathy with him and told him his case was only one more instance of
the awful evil of gambling. After supper and a pipe they all turned in,
leaving the bank president still sulking and uttering terrible
maledictions under his breath.
"The real estate man and the other two went out early the next
morning--the bank president's clothes along with them--and when they got
back they found the blanketed financier on the verge of apoplexy from
sheer wrath. The real estate man then made a great show of charity by
giving up the togs, and the bank president was in a state of good-nature
by the time camp was struck. The three conspirators united in a letter
of explanation, inclosing all of their winnings, to the bank president
when they got back to St. Louis, and when the bank president got the
letter and his disgorged losings he was most tickled to death and
instantly became as perky and impudent as ever.
"'I knew you couldn't have done it if you'd played on the square,' said
he, the first time he met them. 'Wait till next year, that's all.'"